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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
katpanda Offline
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Planning to move out of home and in with my boyfriend. - December 5th 2011, 06:37 AM

I have a boyfriend that I have been in a very serious relationship with for awhile and we re ready to move in to a house together. We have both wanted to move out of home for a while individually and we decided it might be easier if we just moved in together. I haven't told my mum yet and I am scared to see her reaction when I do. I love my mum to pieces and I don't want to hurt her and give her the wrong idea.
I am a very independent person and this is what I want, I think I will gain a lot and it will give me a better chance to express myself in the way I have always wanted.
Moving out is a lot of hard work, I am in the process of saving up money to hopefully move out by halfway through next year.

What advice could you give me about this and what I could do to make this a little more understandable to my mum? What kind of things could I say to her to reassure her that the decision I have made is right for me?
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Planning to move out of home and in with my boyfriend. - December 5th 2011, 08:44 PM

Can I ask you a question that I'm sure your mom will also want to know the answer to when you talk to her?
Why now? You're only 16 (if you wrote your real age), so why not wait until you graduate? What's the rush?


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Re: Planning to move out of home and in with my boyfriend. - December 5th 2011, 08:56 PM

I had no choice but to move out of my mother's because of bad circumstances. That was when I was 13. I then stayed with my sister until i was around 16. Then I went to my dad's for about half a year. Then back to my mom's for 2 weeks. Then in with my boyfriend. Then we got our own place but it only lasted 2 weeks and we had to move. He moved back into his moms and I moved in with a friend of mine. Stayed there a while and ended up moving in with another friend that i ended up dating. then i got my own place (with the help of my current boyfriend)and we eventually ended up dating and now we live together.

I wish my mother would have had a safe place for me to live. Everyday was a struggle to graduate. Plus I HAD to work and I didn't have a vehicle to get to school or work. I missed out on my senior year in high school because I had to take my class online (only one, i was ahead credits)

I feel like I missed out on all the high school experiences because of it.

There is no way to be a hundred percent ready because everyone experiences different problems.

I can offer advice that helped me stay strong. DO NOT DROP OUT!!!!! I did everything and then some to make sure I graduated and it payed off. I graduated with high honors and start college in January to be a Psychologist.
I refused to give up even when I felt I couldn't take it anymore.

If you have even the slightest doubt, you are not ready. You cannot go to your mother with answers such as "I don't know" or "we will figure it out"

Be prepared to answer all the questions she will answer.

If you don't have a job, get one.. Have a reliable transportation and a phone that way it will comfort her to know that if you need anything you can call for help.

Don't get yourself in a situation where you are stranded. Which means you are only living with the guy because you don't have anywhere else to go or you don't have any money.

Anything that your boyfriend does before the bothered you, will only magnify.

Make sure you guys have how you are going to pay all the bills figured out. Once you move out, it's not let's spend money on you, it's pay the bills. Then more bills. Then crap we forgot to pay this bill and now we have to pay a late fee. Then at the end you start all over the next month.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Planning to move out of home and in with my boyfriend. - December 5th 2011, 11:28 PM

I was right where you are a few months ago, but if you're serious about moving out you need to take a look at your finances. Never mind the struggles of moving in with someone emotionally, and the struggles of convincing parents to let you leave so young, that you can think about on your own. But you need to make a budget.

If you ever want to make anything more than minimum wage, you'll need to at least graduate High School, something you've yet to accomplish at age 16. So not only will you need to stay caught up in school and housework, but you'll NEED to work. Why? Well, I can only assume your parents pay for the heating, electricity, cable, internet, food, water, mortgage/renting, maybe even your cell phone bill and transportation. Are you ready to pay for all of that on your own? Even with the help of someone else, not even two paychecks of minimum wage from McDonalds at age 16 is going to cover all those costs. Trust me, you might have a couple hundred, maybe even a thousand dollars saved up now. You will BLOW THROUGH THAT QUICKLY. Perhaps in a matter of months, then you're starting from scratch trying to make ends meet when you're used to a comfortable life at home.

And unless you have really great parents, I doubt they'll help you out here with money. And if they will, that's honestly really rude of you to move out when your parents are willing to do so much for you, and show their love so much.



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  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Planning to move out of home and in with my boyfriend. - December 8th 2011, 12:15 AM

Me and my boyfriend have spoke about it more lately and have thought it might be finanicially better if I move in with him and his mum. He thinks his mum is more than likely going to say yes and is speaking to her about it today.
I know I am only 16 but I have wanted this for a long time. If this works out, I will still be going to school, I am not going to drop out. I do have a lot of potential and I do not want to waste it.
I have wanted to move out of home for a long time. I don't know what it is, but something inside me has always been longing for that sense of independence of being away from my family. I like to live life in my own way and my mum understands that. Telling her this could potentially ruin our close bond. I am moving whether she likes it or not but I really don;t want to ruin the relationship we have. She means so much to me.
   
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Re: Planning to move out of home and in with my boyfriend. - December 8th 2011, 01:44 AM

Hi Kat, I'm glad to hear the good news of you being on your own. I do think that your mom will be alittle upset, but If you leave her alone and leave her to think about things then i think eventually she will come along and support your choice. When you do decide to tell her, make sure you mention that you will still be attending school - this is very important to mention.

I wish you the best of luck with your new living arrangements, and with your moms reaction.

Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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Re: Planning to move out of home and in with my boyfriend. - December 8th 2011, 02:01 AM

Thank you so much. I have a feeling this may work out okay and won't be a mess. But there is always conflicting thoughts in the back of my head.
   
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Re: Planning to move out of home and in with my boyfriend. - December 8th 2011, 02:17 AM

Dont think to much about it. Let it play out. Play each hand the way you are delt it. Thinking about 'what ifs' will only make you upset. Not worth it!


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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  (#9 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Planning to move out of home and in with my boyfriend. - December 8th 2011, 02:49 AM

Too true, too true.
You provide some very good advice!
   
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  (#10 (permalink)) Old
_sunsets64. Offline
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Re: Planning to move out of home and in with my boyfriend. - December 8th 2011, 03:01 AM

It sounds like you've really thought about this and it's what you want, so I hope it works out for you
Let us know how it goes!


"Those 3 words are said too much, but not enough" <3
"Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside while still alive. Never surrender."


PM/VM me if you ever need someone to talk to or just want to chat (:
http://liveforthememories.tumblr.com/
   
  (#11 (permalink)) Old
katpanda Offline
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Re: Planning to move out of home and in with my boyfriend. - December 8th 2011, 04:06 AM

Thank you very much. We having been planning this for a while, it should work out. But as I said I just don't want my mum to be too upset.
   
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Re: Planning to move out of home and in with my boyfriend. - December 9th 2011, 02:53 PM

You mentioned wanting to be independent for some time. That's natural with someone your age. You want to be an adult but you're still learning. When you move in that changes a lot because you won't have as much time away, which seems great right now, but everyone does need their space.


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