How to treat a friend who has hurt you?

[thisiscourtney]

I have major issues with deciding how nice I'll be to someone after they've done something wrong. What usually happens is that after a while, I'll miss them, so I'll forgive them and we'll go on as we were. Or I'll think, "No reason in being rude to someone simply because they were rude to you," so I'll be nice and then they'll begin thinking we're friends again. Then I won't be able to decide if I just want to be acquaintances, or still hang out with them, but only a little bit, or if everything should go back to normal and we hang out a lot. I don't know how many forgivenesses I should give out! How do you guys decide how you're going to treat someone after they've hurt you? Do you give it more consideration if they've hurt you multiple times?

[Chris.]

I think about what role they play in my life. Are they someone that is involved in my life? Are they a relative? Friend? Best friend? Stranger?

I always give a second chance to everyone - but than it raises the question of who do you give a third chance? That I weight out by how long Ive known them, how big of a part they are in my life, and what would I loose if I decided to not give them that third chance?

Once I answer all those questions, I make my decision.

You should ALWAYS forgive people - but never forget. When you 'hate' someone, that wears on you more than it does them - so forgiveness is a powerful things - just know who to trust, and who not to.

Best wishes,
Chris

[OMFG!You'reActuallySmart!]

I base my decisions on several factors. First, the nature of their actions. Second, whether they have done the same or similar actions to me. Third, their position on my social hierarchy that I place everyone on. Lastly, their worth and usefulness to me, not simply as a friend but what I gain by having them in my social circle. If I think they will be incredibly useful to me, then I'll be more willing to stay with them for that sole reason and test their usefulness.