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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
DarkBlaze13 Offline
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Unhappy Afraid of mom - March 26th 2009, 05:14 PM

I'm terrified of my mother.
Completely terrified.
It's rather pathetic really.
I mean, I've always been for as long as I can remember. I mean, she's had this temper problem...and when she gets angry she starts screaming.
And there've been times in the past where she's hit me. Or threatened to.
What creates an even larger problem is that I can't react at all when she's angry at me.
I mean, at all. And she gets more angry with me for not reacting the way I'm "supposed" to.
I just stand there, frozen in fear and when I try to answer, I either stumble over my words excessively or am only able to come up with "I don't know", both of which anger her more.
Or, of course, I'm just silent.
Sometimes it gets to the point where I'm agreeing with what she's calling me just so I can hope to get her to stop.
I mean, she's not like this all the time...but enough to the point where I'm afraid of going home. Where I'm always on edge when I'm there.
My grades are horrible but I can't focus myself enough through this stress to get myself to bring them up quickly.
Which, of course, only really adds fuel to the fire.
Plus she drinks. And the more she drinks, the more I'm afraid to converse with her at all because...if it gets bad enough, she pretty much gets enraged... If it's late and she's like that, I try to pretend I'm asleep just so her attention isn't drawn to me.

And she knows I'm afraid of her. Because I've told her.
Not that it changed anything.
And she knows I hate it when she drinks. Even said she'd stop multiple times. Was even sober for a year.
Fail on that really.
I don't know...I'm just getting to the point where I can't deal with it anymore.
I'm having anxiety attacks during school. I'm completely out of it most of the time. I freak out whenever someone calls my phone...
I'm really not doing too well.
...My friends say that because now I'm 18 I have the ability to basically leave whenever I want. But...I can't.
I don't want to make things worse...and there was a time I did leave for two days to my dad's but my dad isn't...really there, so to speak. Like...I'm basically a stranger in his house. It's rather awkward.
Told him about my mom and his reaction was basically "there's nothing I can do about it, you can take care of yourself"
Friends have also offered that I go to stay at their place if things ever get really bad...but...eh...I don't know. I need to talk to them about it more...
I'm just so hesitant because I don't know what they'd constitute as reason to head over...plus I'm afraid of what my mom would do.
If I had a job and money, I'd leave. Unfortunately, I don't have either and due to some current circumstances, me getting a job would not be the best thing to do at the moment.
...
Really, I don't know what this whole post is...I guess it's just a vent along with me just not knowing what to do.
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Neha Offline
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Re: Afraid of mom - March 26th 2009, 05:36 PM

hi, why dont u sit down and speak to ur mom, or get some else to do it. Is ur father home with u? how old are u? maybe u can get a job and live alone. If this gets worse, children aid society will be involved and they will take u away.
   
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Re: Afraid of mom - March 26th 2009, 07:22 PM

It's not pathetic. Your mother is behaving violently and unpredictably and hurtfully. It's reasonable to be frightened. When my dad was like that when I was younger, I felt terrified, too.
I don't have any amazing advice, and I don't know how things work over there. Is there a youth advisory service you could talk to?



   
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Re: Afraid of mom - March 26th 2009, 07:26 PM

Hey Sammy,
I'm really sorry to hear that. It obviously is a very difficult situation, but you can get help. Is there another adult you can talk to, like a guidance counselor or teacher at school? I know you're 18, so you would be able to move out now or shortly but while you're at home you shouldn't feel that you're in danger. As for your schoolwork, it might help if you could ask a friend or teacher for extra help. I hope everything works out okay for you.


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DarkBlaze13 Offline
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Re: Afraid of mom - March 27th 2009, 02:51 PM

I've talked to my mom before. And I've talked to her with a counselor present...
It didn't really accomplish anything unfortunately.
And I've talked to a guidance counselor and my therapist.
Also, I really wish I could move out. I would in a heart beat if I had a place to go to. If my dad's place was a bit more conveniant than it is currently and if the situation there wasn't the way it is, I'd go there...unfortunately it isn't. I had moved to live with my mother in high school because of the situation there so it's like.....greeaat.

Eh, I don't know. Right now I'm really just trying to survive until I graduate high school...
I hate making it sound that way but that's what I'm doing..
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