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I need support. - January 2nd 2012, 08:01 PM

Not sure if this fits here or General Health, sorry if it's the wrong place.

New Year's Day. I get told that my Nan has cancer. I still don't think it's sunk in yet. 4 months ago she was given 2 months to live, she's not sure how much longer she'll be here. I don't really know how to deal with this. I have to go back to university in a couple of weeks and I don't know when the next time I'll be back home will be so after these two weeks I may never see her again.

When I'm at my Mum's house I have to hide that anything is wrong. My Nan doesn't want her to know. The divorce between my Mum and Dad hasn't been settled yet and my Nan doesn't want my Mum to try and take anything she might leave to my Dad. I have to pretend I'm okay, act like nothing's wrong.


I don't really know what I'm looking for. Support? To talk to someone who's been through the same thing? I don't know, it's hard to think that this is really happening to me. You hear about people who have friends and family who've died of cancer all the time but you never imagine it could ever happen to you.


   
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Re: I need support. - January 2nd 2012, 08:34 PM

I can't say that I completely understand but I can say that I'm here to support you. My situation is a little different but my 'grandmother' (my real grandmother's friend who is similar to a grandmother to me) was diagnosed with Liver Cancer just days before Christmas. It was the hardest thign I've ever heard and I have to hide the pain I feel because everyone is so darn positive about it. They think she'll be just fine and I just don't think so because she has been diagnosed with many other types of cancers and diseases and I just feel remorse for not being able to see her (she lives in a different state than I). I guess the point of me writing this is to tell you that you're not alone and I'm here if you ever need to talk. I know that it's really hard to hide something so big and it's hard to think of losing someone who means the world to you. I hope you're okay and coping.
   
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Re: I need support. - January 3rd 2012, 01:49 AM

Thanks for replying Brittany, it means a lot <3

I still don't think it's really sunk in yet. It's liver cancer for my Nan as well and I still need to discuss some stuff with her but from what she was saying when she told me I'm not so sure she's going to have any treatment for it. A liver transplant would be the best (or perhaps only depending on how bad the cancer is) option and I don't know if she would want to bother with surgery at her age.


   
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Re: I need support. - January 3rd 2012, 03:05 AM

I'm not very experienced in this kind of thing - and have never really had a very close person die to me (besides a friend and my grandmother; natural causes I guess). The only thing that i can really says is spend as much time as you can with your Nan - two weeks left of being at home isn't much, so Cherish all the time you have, and if you don't have time - make time.


Here are some quotes that have helped me so much while my Grandmother was passing away and I hope that they somewhat help.

“Time is all you have and you may find one day that you have less than you think.”

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” – Albert Einstein

"Everyone faces challenges in life. It’s a matter of how you learn to overcome them and using them to your advantage.”

“The key question to keep asking is, Are you spending your time on the right things? Because time is all you have. ”


I'm here if you would like to talk - Like I said, I haven't been exactly what you've been through but I'm a good listener!



Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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Re: I need support. - January 3rd 2012, 03:19 PM

It's really hard to treat older people with any type of cancer because most of the time the patient wants to give up. I know you said you were told on NYD but how long ago was she diagnosed? If it's still in the earlier stages than maybe they can catch it before it gets any worse.

That's what they're trying to do with my 'grandmother'. She's in chemo therapy. Is your Nan doing chemo or something similar?
   
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Re: I need support. - January 3rd 2012, 04:15 PM

I haven't really spoken to my Nan about treatment as of yet, I couldn't really say much when she told me.

She said she got diagnosed in September but she's had it for longer than that but it's gone unnoticed so it's likely it's in the advanced stages :/


   
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Re: I need support. - January 3rd 2012, 04:39 PM

I'm so sorry. :/ I'm not sure what to say other than I'm here for you to talk to. I'm just a PM away if you need. <3
   
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Re: I need support. - January 3rd 2012, 11:07 PM

Hey, I know that this can be really hard to deal with and I am sorry you are going through it . My grandpa was diagnosed with cancer when I was 9 years old and told he would die within the year. But I guess he just wasn't ready to go because he was still around for 8 years after that! He died when I was 17 and to this day I still find it hard to think of him because it still make's me cry. But my point is that your nan may still be around for a long time or she may not. If you are afraid you will not see her again than maybe you could make the time you have with her worth while. I am sorry if none of this is helpful I am afraid there really isn't much more I can think to say right now but if you ever need anyone to talk to I am always here.
   
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Re: I need support. - January 18th 2012, 12:09 AM

Hey, Cara. I know you posted this a while ago but I thought I'd reply anyways. My mum has had breast cancer twice and I guess I have some idea of what you're going through right now. It's really the hardest thing to imagine--someone who's been there all (or most of) your life just not being there anymore. It's...well, it's really beyond any sort of description. I want you to know that even though it seems unbelievable, you can work through this and ultimately this experience will make you a stronger person. I know that's what happened for me. Losing a loved one is probably one of the worst things a person can go through. And really, you never know--sometimes people pull through. My mom got a mastectomy and then it came back, yet she survived that too. And she isn't young, either. It's probably quite a bit different for your nan but sometimes miracles happen. Try to think positive, and not just for your benefit but for her's as well. You can do this. Stay strong and I'm here if you need a chat, okay?
   
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