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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
SouthernBelle. Offline
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My little sister, mom, and I. - January 3rd 2012, 03:54 AM

Hi.

I think I've posted about my family problems in this forum before. I'm probably beginning to sound like a broken record, haha.

Me, my mom, and my little sister.

We clash horribly. And by horribly, I mean horribly. The last nine days have been my winter break, and every day was worse than the last.


My mom nags at me from the time I wake up until the time she goes to sleep every night. I get up, and as soon as I've gotten ready for the day, she tells me about something that I either did not do or need to do. If I ask her to wait before I do something, even if I have a good reason, she yells at me. If I do it immediately, she criticizes me. She expects me to do everything and do it perfectly.


Because I'm the eldest, naturally, when no one else in the house is bothering to do anything, I get blamed for it. My mom nags at me all day because I don't do things for her. It's like she thinks that because she gets no free time as a mother, I should get no free time as a daughter. She will not shut up. Ever. It irks the hell out of me, and when I tell her to leave me alone, she tries to ground me but fails epicly because I won't stand for it.



My little sister provokes me into yelling at her. She'll do something that she knows irritates me over and over again, and the first time I tell her to quit, my mom yells at me to leave my little sister alone. She always takes my little sister's side.

All this week, I've been staying up on the computer at night to work on several of my stories and talk to my friends on Facebook. I wrote from about ten-o'clock -- everyone else's bedtime -- until four-o'clock every morning. No one had any problem with it, because my dad was home -- and dad takes my side, for the most part, because I'm generally right (not to brag or anything).



Tonight is the last day of break; my dad wasn't home. I went to the computer when everyone went to bed like I normally would. After not even a minute, my little sister whines that she can't sleep because I'm supposedly 'typing too loudly', even though there are fans running and blowers from our wood fireplace running and you can't hear anything but them.

My mom comes out of there, ranting and raving and yelling at me to stop typing. She'd almost relented, and my little sister whined again, and she started yelling at me all over again.



They gang up on me when I'm not home. Someone, the last time I was on here, gave me the advice to tell my dad about what was going on. Jokingly one day, I did, and he took it seriously. Now, when he's home, he tells my mom not to nag at me, he tells her to let me rest for a few minutes, he tells her to keep her voice down and not yell, he helps her lighten up a bit when she complains, he tells her to stop talking about other people badly. This morning when he left, he told me to be nice to my mom... And as she left the room he said: "... or, I think it's the other way around."

Then he gave me a hug and told me to have a nice day and left for work.


My dad is honestly a life-saver. When he's home, everything's better. When he's not home, I go to my grandma's to get away from my mom and sister.


I can't stand my mom and sister. I love them, sure, but we always fight and nothing is ever peaceful. I've tried my utmost to sit down and have calm, mature conversations with my mother about the situation. I've recommended going to a family counsellor, but she says we can't afford one. I've tried to get her to try to read parenting books. I've talked to my little sister about the importance of respect and being nice to others. I've talked to them both about yelling. My little sister and I once got along well for an entire month, because of one of these talks.


But every time me and my little sister and brother get along well together, my mom starts yelling at us for making messes or being loud or interrupting her TV show or whatever else she can complain about.


I've tried everything that I can think of. Help?


Anna's Personal Keys to Happiness
1. Do what you want within the bounds of reason, whenever you want to, and regret nothing. 2. If you have an opinion, don't beat around the bush, or there isn't a point in saying it. 3. Don't keep the company of anyone who won't like you and will try to change you.



   
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Re: My little sister, mom, and I. - January 3rd 2012, 04:46 AM

I can see how this would get annoying. Well as for the sister thing - I think this can get resolved pretty nicely. Start hanging out with her - and you know what, even take her out once in awhile to a movie. I know it sounds stupid, and you may even laugh at what I'm telling you but if you really get close to your sister - I think for the most part any problems involving your sister will go away. But what helped me alot besides being around my brother and sister is just thinking about the future and how everyone would be 20 years from now. Yes, you may be mad at your sister now, but when shes in her 20's most likely you guys will have a great relationship and everyone will be starting there own families and own education and moving on! It makes me smile just thinking about how close I am to my sister and brother now - (and they are older: Brother: 4 years-older, sister: 13 years older) and how it will be when I'm in my 20's.


Now, for the mother thing - this will be a much harder task. I would maybe start trying to be a step ahead of her and maybe do chores without being told to do them - that may being a quick smile to her face. Regardless, I don't think there will be anything that will make her 100% happy all the time, but you can attempt, and if that doesn't work that really all you can do is try to stay out of the house as much as possible.

So to recap - try hanging with your siblings - and try doing good things for your mom. This will take time and effort - and before you even decline these options, atleast try.



Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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Re: My little sister, mom, and I. - January 3rd 2012, 11:15 PM

Wow this is like reading about my family o.0. My mom and my dad are divorced and I have some issues with my dad and his family as well but he is generally nicer to me. My mother on the other hand is always nagging me and getting mad at me for silly little things and even now when I don't live with her anymore she still tries to run my life. She has always favored my younger sister and it was really rough on me for quite a few years. I guess all I can say for you is get away from it as much as you can and someday you won't have to live with them anymore at least. Also for me I do get along with my mom better now that I am older and moved out and don't see her as often so maybe that will be the same for you? Either way I am sorry for your family troubles
   
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