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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
LookingForHope Offline
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Unhappy Alone - January 7th 2012, 01:37 AM

I'm not big into telling people how I feel but I figured maybe I'd give this a try because I don't have to directly tell someone face to face (which I'm terrible at). I'm just at the point that I don't know what to do anymore. This is probably going to be the stupidest thing a lot of you will read on this site, but I just figured I'd tell it here, and who knows maybe even get a response..maybe some help.

I feel so alone. I'm 19 years old, I should be out partying and hanging out with friends but I'm not I spend more of my time alone in my bedroom..why? Cause I have no friends, sorry I have one but she spends all of her time with her new boyfriend of three months. We use to hangout ALL the time, now we never do. She only gets to see her boyfriend on the weekends because they live an hour apart. But really they should have realized that when they first met and started dating..the only reason their together is because I introduced them...because I know one of his buddies.

I have another friend, but I never really classified her as a very close friend. We as well use to hangout all the time. And now she has a boyfriend too, and just recently started another job meaning she has even less time then she did before.

Granted I've been invited to a party tomorrow, but I don't know If I want to go. I am a very shy person when I'm alone. I hate showing up at places by myself. To top it off I'm a very self conscious person too. wooo

I'm slowly giving up on relationships...my last boyfriend and I broke up the end of July..I've moved on from him which is good. Cause clearly so has he, he's got a new girlfriend. I lost a lot of friends from that relationship...I'm not sure what I did, but none of them talk to me...

It just makes me upset when any of the friends I do have left have boyfriends and its like I'm no longer important enough to be their friend. I spend so much time alone know, and the only thing I can do with all that time is think. And it just makes me think of how alone I am now. How my friends are all happy with their boyfriends and what not...Ive been pushed way, and left in the corner to survive on my own. Granted obviously I can survive on my own...I just feel so hurt, and so lost and so alone. Everyone is off doing their own thing and I'm alone....like usual.

The only real friend I have is my sister and her fiancee, but I don't want to always have to rely on my sister and depend on her for everything.

I just feel so alone, and I'm not sure what to do. I sit in my room and think of what I can do to make this pain go away...I can drink...but I don't want to get to the point of drinking alone, or drinking myself to comfort because really would it even be comforting? I've looked at my knife a couple times, but hesitated and decided not to. Honestly sometimes I think if I do either one of those no one would realize anyways. Everyone's to busy with their own lives.

I've been in the same college program for the past year and a half and I have yet to make any friends that I hangout with outside of school. I'm not there to make friends. I'm there to learn. I never did any of the big college parties and I wont be, it's not my 'scene'.

I just want friends who will be for me whenever, with or without a boyfriend/girlfriend. I care for them enough, but I don't get anything in return.

There's plenty more I could write about all of this, but I'm pretty sure I've already wrote a crap load and don't want to bore anyone...if anyone even reads this........
   
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Chris Offline
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Re: Alone - January 7th 2012, 01:59 AM

First off you are the one who isolates yourself - believe it or no you put yourself in the position you are in. You just said you were invited to the party - but probably wont go - but on the other hand you are upset you are alone. Do you see anything wrong with that? The thing is - we sometimes have to put ourselves in positions that may be awkward, and may even hurt us, but we put ourselves in those situations so we can improve ourselves and build relationships (friendships). You wont find friends sitting at home, and you wont find friends not participating in anything like parties (remember, you DON'T have to drink - but you can stop in for 10 minutes to say hi). If you refuse to go to things people invite you to - then you are digging yourself in a MUCH bigger hole that frankly doesn't even need to exist. So heres what I think you need to do: first off, go to this party and have fun. Yes, you may be semi-alone, but you can maybe find people there to hang with. I would also start being more socially active - if not your confidence and your problem you are facing will not go away.Say a simple 'hi' to people. It may sound stupid, but that simple hi will start friendships. Then add on to the hi next time you see that person. You will fail, and you will lose friends - but you have to build up new friendships - or you will be where you are now. This is all on you, and is in YOUR hands - only you can change it, and only you can put more effort into it.




Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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justmeg Offline
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Re: Alone - January 7th 2012, 02:15 AM

i actually can relate. i started reading this and was kind of weirded out by how much it sounded like me...

i only have a handful of friends, but those who were closer kind of drifted away once they got boyfriends (which i think is really low). so i totally know how it feels to have someone you thought you could depend on almost ditch you for someone they've known for such a short time. i'm still struggling with how to deal with that...my roommate basically moved out of our room to live with her bf and it kinda sucks. i feel like i should talk to her about it, but it's a tough thing to do without hurting feelings or making things awkward...hang in there, though.

as confident as other people might think i am, i'm pretty self-conscious, too and have a hard time being social with people who i don't know and i also don't like showing up places by myself for the most part :P

i've spent a lot of nights having similar thoughts about how i'm basically alone (seeing as i sit in my dorm room most nights either doing homework or staring at my ceiling wondering if my friends secretly hate me or something like that. i kind of have the same attitude toward school, too. i am there to learn, but i think it's important to meet new people as well. one of my resolutions for the new year is to make new friends in some of my classes. it can be as easy as just saying hi to the person next to you before each class. give it a try and see what happens!

i'm glad to hear you decided against what is probably a bad decision. hang in there, i know it sucks now, but i think that things will definitely get better. don't let some disappointments today and bad feelings now define the rest of your life. it's a new year, a good time to turn some things around, ya know?

i find that i tend to go above and beyond for the people i care about, even if i don't always get the same in return. i do it more because i hope that one day they'll look back on sometime i did for them or something i said to them and genuinely appreciate it. i feel like if i can make even the smallest difference in someone's life than i've done an ok job.

i guess what i'm trying to say is don't give up and try to work on turning things around. branch out and try to make some new friends while also trying to rekindle/maintain friendships you already have. it sucks to feel like no one is there for you, but im sure there's at least one person who can be there. (i see nothing wrong with depending on your sister, granted you might not want to depend on her for everything, but i'm sure she can be a great source of support in your life.)

i'm always free to talk or even listen if you need to get things off your chest. feel free to PM me any time
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