Monophobia

[BlueWolf]

Even if I don't have it, it sure feels like it. I have an intolerance of being alone. At all. If I am alone in the house for a certain period of time, I always end up having a panic attack which leads to me doing some kind of physical damage to myself from trying to regain control and make it stop.

Now, I go to extreames to make sure this does not happen, and when it does, I lash out at the people who I was expecting to be there. I get hysterical and start making irrational accusations at other people. I get angry, too. So so so angry.

I have always felt uncomfortable being alone. It makes me nervous and feels wierd. However, as I have gotten older it has gotten to this level. I don't know how to cope with it. I have no idea why I do this, but if I am alone long enough... well, it constantly gets worse the longer I am by myself. It helps to be on the phone with someone, but if I am not in contact with anyone I know at least, it gets ten times worse and that's usually when I will start to hurt myself and start getting suicidal thoughts that are overwhelming no matter how hard I try to push them away and tell myself to be patient and wait, but that does not make the fear go away and it actually, physically, hurts.

So, I need my friends and all to be around me constantly. Some get annoyed by this and keep their distance. Others have just moved on from college, and the few I rarely talk to... I mean... I try to not make contact because I am afraid of them finding out how desperate I am. My mom is actually figuring this out, but I keep denying it. I hate having her around and for some reason, sometimes if it is just her, it makes me even worse. Sometimes it doesn't. I'm so confused.

[Chris.]

Well first thing is first you need to understand that some things you cant control - and this is one. Therefore you need to seek help. If it ever gets to a level where you cant help yourself - then you need to get help. This will continue to get worse - and it wont stop until you eventually get help and get the treatment needed. I would tell your mom whats going on - and although you may hate it, she will be the one that gets you the support you need. Then, I would find a counselor or someone who can even issue medicine. The main thing is: Seek help. The longer you wait, the worse it will get and the more hurt you may cause to others, or yourself.



Best wishes,
Chris

[BlueWolf]

Thanks Chris, but I have been seeing couselors and psychiatrists for quite a few years. I've tried multiple times of anti-depressants, mood stabilizers, anti-anxiety meds, anti-psychotics and combinations of them. They either make me very ill or have no effect. Nor did the couselors help with this. It has been getting worse, and the fact that I go so far to avoid being alone frightens me. I told them this but nothing helps thus far. I was kinda wondering if anyone had a similar experience and how they overcame it or are working to.

[Chris.]

I had a similar thing - I was afraid of tight spaces. And If you put me in a closet I would flip out like you cant believe. It was bad. Now, I know this doesn't relate much - but its alittle similar. Anyway, I got help - and I forgot the name of the title of this person but it wasn't a counselor or a therapist. Anyway, he use to bring in a wooden tube that was extremely small and forced me to stay in it for 20 minutes - and of course I lost it every time. But every week that we did it - I became better; I wasn't upset as much, and I felt like it didn't effect me anymore. Well - after 1 year of that treatment, I'm 100% fine. Maybe you should try something similar to that?

[BlueWolf]

So he had you get used to it slowly? How can I do something like that? I mean, I am alone quite often and every time it gets to me still even after so many years and it actually continues to get worse.

[Chris.]

Yes, it was at first 2 minutes, and then 4, and then 6, all the way up to 20 - and I eventually was better.

Remember, this is all mental - this isn't physical. Being alone has nothing to do with your physical state - its just the mental mind that takes over. So when you are alone, slowly breathe in and out. In the nose and out the mouth. Then just do something like watch TV - or read a book (while keeping with the slow breaths). Now - like I said this will take ALOT of time and Patience - but you can do it.

[PSY]

Specific phobias fall under the category of anxiety disorders. The method of treatment Chris is referring to is called "flooding," and the goal is to force you to confront your fears, all while being monitored by a professional in a safe environment. The idea is that, with time, you will become desensitized to the feelings of anxiety that come with being alone, and you will no longer feel that anxiety when being alone (or you will at least be able to manage it more effectively).

You may need to find a specific therapist for this - the ones you've seen so far may not specialize in treating phobias, so I would tell your current therapist about this problem and ask for a referral.

[BlueWolf]

Thanks guys, I will do that. Like I said, not sure if I it would be considered a phobia or not, but it is extreamely distressing and I have high anxiety over it.

Thanks again.