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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Suffering with a low amount of friends..... - January 8th 2012, 09:14 PM

Okay, so in basic, I have really low self-esteem and confidence. Therefore, I find it hard to make friends and talk to people. This is why I'm having trouble at school, I've been at the same school for almost 4 years now and recently I've been put in a class of people I don't really know and don't talk to.

In some lessons, we have to go in groups to do some sort of activity e.g. in science we would do an experiment. However, I only know one person in my science class who I don't talk to much, and when we have to go in groups, I don't have the courage to ask if I can go in someone's group. Basically, I would just follow her. I know it sounds really stupid, but it's getting my mood really down as I am constantly worrying about it.

I also don't have many friends and I don't turn to them for advice, as I don't really think they understand how I feel and how bad I'm suffering. In a few years, I'm planning to go to college to hopefully make a new start. I feel really alone and isolated when I see my friends hang around with other people. I just ask myself why I can't be like them, have loads of friends to turn to and be there for you. I'm there for them, but don't have the courage to trust them. Just wondering if you had any advice at all on how to deal with this, please.

Last edited by Hope_For_The_Best; January 8th 2012 at 09:21 PM.
   
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Re: Suffering with a low amount of friends..... - January 8th 2012, 09:22 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hope_For_The_Best View Post
Okay, so in basic, I have really low self-esteem and confidence. Therefore, I find it hard to make friends and talk to people. This is why I'm having trouble at school, I've been at the same school for almost 4 years now and recently I've been put in a class of people I don't really know and don't talk to.

In some lessons, we have to go in groups to do some sort of activity e.g. in science we would do an experiment. However, I only know one person in my science class who I don't talk to much, and when we have to go in groups, I don't have the courage to ask if I can go in someone's group. Basically, I would just follow her. I know it sounds really stupid, but it's getting my mood really down as I am constantly worrying about it.

I also don't have many friends and I don't turn to them for advice, as I don't really think they understand how I feel and how bad I'm suffering. In a few years, I'm planning to go to college to hopefully make a new start. Just wondering if you had any advice at all on how to deal with this, please.
Alright I'll do my best to help here but the thing is I've suffered from the same thing for a really long time now (since first grade) I thought changing schools would solve everything, I watched how the new kids always got attention and everyone wanted to be their friend. I wanted to be the new kid that someone else wanted to be friends with. I'm a freshman in high school now. The thing is in high school its not the same. There are new kids that come and go without that same attention given to them. I've never been a fan of atention mind you, I just wanted friends. I have a few now but that's because I got someone i went to school with to talk to me. I still don't talk even to them very often.
Things I've heard that might help you:
1. if you haven't already figure out why your self esteem is low
2. depending on that decides what you can do to help up it a little bit
3. Shyness is rough, try saying hi to the person that you know if you get the chance. If they don't reply it's probably just because they didn't hear you
4. if you have any clubs or anything at your school that you might be interested in joining I'd say go for it if there's no reason you can't
the rest kind of depends on the individual reactions. Either way I really hope that at least helped a little.


   
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Re: Suffering with a low amount of friends..... - January 9th 2012, 12:32 AM

Hey, just understand you are NOT alone. Confidence and self esteem issues are huge as a teenager - and alot of people suffer from it.

If you want to improve your self-esteem, here are some steps to start empowering yourself: Try to stop thinking negative thoughts about yourself. If you're used to focusing on your shortcomings, start thinking about positive aspects of yourself that outweigh them. When you catch yourself being too critical, counter it by saying something positive about yourself. Each day, write down three things about yourself that make you happy. Aim for accomplishments rather than perfection. Some people become paralyzed by perfection. Instead of holding yourself back with thoughts like, "I won't audition for the play until I lose 10 pounds," think about what you're good at and what you enjoy, and go for it. View mistakes as learning opportunities. Accept that you will make mistakes because everyone does. Mistakes are part of learning. Remind yourself that a person's talents are constantly developing, and everyone excels at different things it's what makes people interesting. Try new things. Experiment with different activities that will help you get in touch with your talents. Then take pride in new skills you develop. Recognize what you can change and what you can't. If you realize that you're unhappy with something about yourself that you can change, then start today. If it's something you can't change (like your height), then start to work toward loving yourself the way you are. Set goals. Think about what you'd like to accomplish, then make a plan for how to do it. Stick with your plan and keep track of your progress. Take pride in your opinions and ideas. Don't be afraid to voice them. Make a contribution. Tutor a classmate who's having trouble, help clean up your neighborhood, participate in a walkathon for a good cause, or volunteer your time in some other way. Feeling like you're making a difference and that your help is valued can do wonders to improve self-esteem. Exercise! You'll relieve stress, and be healthier and happier. Have fun. Ever found yourself thinking stuff like "I'd have more friends if I were thinner"? Enjoy spending time with the people you care about and doing the things you love. Relax and have a good time and avoid putting your life on hold.

Don't compare yourself to others and what they have and what you don't have - you are your own person - and you make your OWN life and your OWN style and your OWN personality and your OWN character. You are You.



Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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Re: Suffering with a low amount of friends..... - January 10th 2012, 02:37 AM

I completely understand. That is almost exactly how I feel.
I don't think following her is stupid at all. (But it probably isn't good)

"Don't compare yourself to others and what they have and what you don't have"
- I do this all of the time. And it doesn't help. TY Chris.
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Re: Suffering with a low amount of friends..... - January 17th 2012, 04:52 AM

Ok your defiantly an awkward group person, but you shouldn't get so down on yourself for that.But the main thing is- you really don't need that many friends depending on the type of person you are. For people like me when it comes to relationship-its quilaty NOT quantity, tons of people only have a small group of close friends and that's pretty normal so don't get to caught up on hating yourself for not being popular. One or two meaningful relationships can get you through years of school so being better friends will probably be easier and pay a lot more in the long run then having more.That being said you would have to improve the quality of relationships with your friends by actually confiding in them-duh they don't understand how you feel and how your suffering you haven't told them.you don't have blurt out all your secrets at once but just tell them something like "jee I don't feel very happy today" and work your way up to big secrets.another thing you should do is really ask yourself why you don't trust them- if they have confided in you most people would be comfortable to tell theme how they feel but if someones hurt you in the past you might be less eager to.

oh and sorry if I came off a bit rude in this post- but you have very similar thoughts to mine and I guess I'm just repeating all the things all I say to myself,lol I have to give myself a bit of an attitude for it to sink in.
   
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