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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Will She Ever Understand? [Possible mini trig?] - January 9th 2012, 03:49 PM

I think this is under the right topic, but mods please move it if it should be somewhere else

Me and my mum have a rollercoaster relationship. Ever since they found out about my mood problems, there has been a thousand new things to disagree on. I've suffered for a very long time, stayed in a Psych ward for 6 months, and she still doesn't realize how serious it is. She tells me how much of an effort it was for her to drive to pick me up on the occassional weekend I was allowed out of the hospital. It's an hour and a half drive from my house, and admittedly, that is a lot of time taken up. But surely, the time and the petrol costs (Yes, she did bring that one up to) mean nothing if you get to see your son that you 'love so dearly'. It's always about money. She says things like, I paid thousands so you could go to a good school, and all you do is go ending up in hospital. What a waste. She complains that I don't get full attendance at college now. I've been out of hospital like 6 months, it's hard enough trying to get myself in to college each day, nevermind 100% attendance! I work 45 hours a week at work and college and I'm feeling completely drained, and all she can do is push me for more work, better grades and other things.

It kills me, because I try so hard, and yet she still refers to my mood disorder as a strop. I missed a Biology lesson the other day because I had been triggered by something someone had said just before, so I went to talk to the college Councillor. And she wanted to charge me 30 for missing the lesson! I can't help the way I feel, and it kills me just to see her get so angry because of these things.

I know she loves me, so am I missing something? She says she just wants me to 'do well', but I think it's doing so much more damage than good. How should I deal with our disagreements?

When I tried to kill myself, the only thing she had to say to me was "Stop being so selfish and immature." In my opinion, pain and mental health doesn't discriminate by age. Anyone can be affected and it's always just as painful.


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Re: Will She Ever Understand? [Possible mini trig?] - January 9th 2012, 04:34 PM

Has she struggled with similar things in the past? If she has, maybe it's bringing back some painful memories and she's trying to "shut herself off" (which is, of course, not fair to you). Or, maybe she's just one of the people who don't believe in any diseases that can't be physically "seen". I know that when I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, my mom spent months believing that it wasn't a real thing/it was just teenage hormones/I was just trying to get attention. She finally started seeing things from my point of view when I had my therapist talk to her again - maybe you can try something like that, assuming you are in therapy (or, even the school counselor if you've had a few sessions with him/her before). Having a professional explain that mental health issues like yours are a real thing that affect a lot of people no matter their age, gender or social status could change her mind.
If you're not in therapy/don't go to the school counselor, maybe you have another trusted adult you can confide in who could talk to your mom. It could make more of an impact on her, hearing it from another adult, than from you, since she probably, despite everything, still thinks of you as a child.


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Last edited by Alcyone; January 9th 2012 at 04:39 PM. Reason: Added details.
   
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Re: Will She Ever Understand? [Possible mini trig?] - January 9th 2012, 07:12 PM

She hasn't struggled with anything (that I'm aware of). I can imagine that what you said about it not being a real thing/teenage hormomes/attention thing could be the way she sees it. I do see a therapist, and it helps, and thanks for your suggestion, I may get him to talk to my mum. Thanks


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