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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Question Should I tell my other friends? - January 15th 2012, 04:33 PM

So basically I have this friend who lies all the time. Because I have known her a long time I can tell when she lies (pretty much) but I never usually tell her I know she is lying because she just makes up more lies to back-up what she was saying before and because I don't have proof I don't bother fighting with her.

Anyway she is recently talking about how she has this boyfriend (apparently they have been dating for six months and we only heard about him about two months ago) I am pretty sure she is lying about it for a few reasons;
1. I asked his last name once and she spent ages thinking of it (remember they are supposed to have been dating for six months)
2. He made a Twitter account to send my friend messages, but his account uses her normal password and her old email address (please don't judge me for looking, I didn't do anything back when I got into the account. I only tried to see if she was lying)
3. We have never seen a picture of him (apparently he doesn't like pictures) She has shown us a couple of silhouettes they did together but neither of the shadows looks like my friend.
4. The number he texts her from is my friends number (she showed me his contact details and I recognised her number) so the texts from him are being sent from her phone to her phone.
5. She says she is going to his flat some nights and her dad would never let her do that.

So I am pretty sure she is lying, I'm not too bothered about it to be honest. I play along with it because I know better than to argue with her (she is one of those people it's better to be with and hate her than have her hate you) But some of the things they have apparently done aren't things you should joke about.

Sorry for the rant about her but it is annoying! What I wanted advice on is if I should tell my other friends about the reasons I think she is lying. I'm not sure if they believe her or not but I don't want them to think it's real, mostly for my friend who lies! They could start telling other people and I don't want to school to think she is a slut, although from what she told us she sort of wants to be a slut -_-

I have no idea why she is doing this. We aren't the sort of people who are impressed by this. The only reason I can think of is this boy she has had a crush on of ages and she has made up her boyfriend so she can seem sexy and interesting to him. Whenever he had a problem with his girlfriend she had the same problem with her boyfriend.

Any advice? (:


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Re: Should I tell my other friends? - January 15th 2012, 04:50 PM

Instead of telling your other friends about the reasons you think she is lying, confront her first. If she finds out that your going around talking behind her back about her relationships (if they're real or not) then shes going to be more angry about that than the fact that you think shes lying in the beginning. Talk calmly to her, and if she flips out, let her. Let her get it out of her system. Tell her when she calms down to call you so you can finish talking about this and let her know how worried you are about her. Something could be happening at home that is making her feel as if she has to lie about having a boyfriend. This shows VERY low self-esteem and it could lead to depression. She might already have depression, who knows, but talking to her and letting her see that she has a friend that she can confide in will make her feel so much better and soon she may open up to you. I hope this helps you good luck!


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Re: Should I tell my other friends? - January 15th 2012, 05:11 PM

Thanks! I do want to ask her about it, do you have any idea how to tell her? I don't just want to say "I know your boyfriend is fake" (:


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Re: Should I tell my other friends? - January 16th 2012, 11:46 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by AnonymousGirl101 View Post
Thanks! I do want to ask her about it, do you have any idea how to tell her? I don't just want to say "I know your boyfriend is fake" (:
Why not just tell her what you've noticed? Instead of saying, "You're lying," or, "Your boyfriend is fake," tell her that you noticed the phone number in the text messages is the same as hers. You don't have to accuse her of anything - all you're doing is stating the facts. Once you've said something like, "When you shared those text messages, I noticed your boyfriend's phone number was the same as yours," you can sit back and wait to see how she responds.

She may come clean, she may come up with another lie ("There was a glitch on my phone, and that's why you can't see his phone number"), or she may attack you (which is generally proof that someone is lying). If she comes up with another lie, be ready to counter it. Again, do not accuse her of anything - instead, say something like, "There was a glitch? That's weird. What's his real phone number, then?" It's going to be hard for her to get out of that one. She might say something like, "I don't have it saved," or, "He doesn't want me sharing it with anyone," but she knows that's going to look fishy, and at that point, you could ask her (gently), "Is there something you want to tell me, [friend's name]? You don't need to keep secrets from me."

Something else you could do (which would be kinda b*tchy, but effective) would be to wait until you're at her house, with your friend and her dad in the same room, then ask her dad what your friend's boyfriend is like. Since she's supposedly allowed to go to her boyfriend's flat, and her dad isn't usually the type to allow that, one of two things will happen. Either her dad will say, "What boyfriend?" and start asking your friend about this boyfriend (which will be embarrassing for her), or he will start questioning her about the flat (which shows there really IS a boyfriend, but now your friend is in trouble).

The bottom-line is that people lie in order to gain something - in your friend's case, it's probably attention, or an increase in self-esteem (because her friends think she's "cool"). What you need to ask yourself is, "How does this affect my friendship with her, and why does this even matter to me?" Yes, it's bad that your friend is lying, but what will be accomplished by calling her out on it? Will it strengthen your friendship? Will it give you an excuse to stop being friends with her, and leave you with a clear conscience? Will it simply give you pleasure to catch her in a lie and prove her wrong in front of all your friends? Like a previous member said, I think your best (and most ethical) approach is the confront her privately, and only reveal your suspicions to your friends if you have definite proof.






   
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