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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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messyjessy Offline
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Unhappy How do I cope with my nasty brother? Long story, so if you can help, please read :) - January 16th 2012, 12:11 AM

I'm 21, he's 19. We've always conflicted, but things are just getting worse.
To give you a quick idea of what's going on...
I work, I am in Uni, I have a long term boyfriend, I drive. I drink sometimes, I don't smoke, I'm generally healthy, help my parents, etc.
He didn't do so well education wise, he doesn't work, he drinks and smokes alot, not so sucessful with girls, has a bad temper.
Main problem is his attitude, no respect for anyone or anything-when something doesn't go his way or he doesn't like what someone says to him, he breaks stuff. His stuff, my stuff, my parents stuff. His room is awful, holes in the walls, his door is practically on its hinges, he's put holes in my door, the living room door is broken...you get the picture.
He is especially horrible to me.
For the most part, I manage to avoid having to speak to him and keep out of his way. But when the parents leave the house, he puts music on, really loud. I should mention its a tiny house with thin walls.
The latest example of his behaviour was a few days ago, he woke me up playing his music, and when asked to turn it down, he started calling me horrible names, which of course led to an argument. Now I go downstairs to get out of the argument and start cleaning the house. I'm in the middle of clearing the ashes from the fireplace when he slams the door to make soot go ALL OVER me.
There have been loads of incidents like this but this one has really upset me. I basically cannot talk to him without him being horrible to me. At the risk of sounding like Kevin and Perry, it's soooo unfair, and I'm finding it hard to cope.

*Edit*
My mum is aware of it but turns a blind eye, 'cos it's easy, and my dad really does have enough on his plate. Phoning the police has crossed my mind, but it would really p*** my parents off, and I don't want that.

Last edited by messyjessy; January 16th 2012 at 12:39 AM. Reason: Add more
   
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Chris Offline
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Re: How do I cope with my nasty brother? Long story, so if you can help, please read :) - January 16th 2012, 12:23 AM

Ah, the bother and sister fights <3 I miss them to be honest.

Anyway, I think almost all brothers and sisters go/have gone through similar things like this where you want nothing to do with that sibling. I personally have gone through this with my brother. I think in the end, when you guys are in your 30's, then you should all have families and get along. But, that doesn't make his actions right.

This will get to the point to where he hurts himself, or maybe someone else. I think that he needs to seek help - and the only 3 people who can get him to do that is: himself, his parents, or the police/court. Temper will get him no where in life. Basically what I'm saying is he needs to go to anger management classes. I think you should talk to your parents, and tell them you can take this anymore and think he should go to anger management.

I don't know how far you are willing to go to find peace in your house, or to get him help - but what I would do is next time he broke anything belonging to me or my parents I would call the police (but once again this is just me talking and what I would do). This way there, the gets arrested and spends a few nights in a cell - and then will be forced to go to anger management by the court system.

Other than doing that - the only thing that I think will work is just 100% ignoring him and banning him from your life as much as possible - which will take work. The other thing is maybe getting to hangout with him - and just build a relationship with him. It will take alot of work and effort but it may work is he really wants you in his life.



Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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