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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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leise Offline
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Unhappy How to deal with my brother? - January 17th 2012, 04:01 AM

I'm 14, my brothers 19 so he is much bigger then me.
Ive noticed there is kinda a cycle between me and my brother.

1.)Were normal and everything is good, we annoy each other but in a way that's normal brother and sister stuff like "this is my space you can't come in space" I then I come in his space giggling he he gently pushes me out.
2.)I piss him off because-well I can be grumpy and he just gets pissed of easily
3.)He tells me something along the lines of fuck off and when I don't he threatens me "I am so going to beat the shit out of you if you don't leave now"
4.)I of course don't leave because, well I don't why, I don't really care much about the fight really but something in me really really really doesn't like to be told what to do, especially with threats so I stay.
5.)He gets violent, not horribly violent- but he punches me and calls me names in some of our worst "fights"(they may not be considered fights when you don't fight back)he has tried to twist my arm and leg and called me some pretty bad things, but usually he just punches me on the arm.
6.)He walks away or gives up trying to bully me and I stand my ground until he leaves.
7.)We continue to be normal siblings tomorrow and pretend nothing ever happened.

but lately he been wanting to talk about are fights afterwards and I really really really really don't- I don't see what there is to talk about he is a jerk with anger management issues.But at the same time, I hate pretending nothing happened.How do I react after he beats me up or calls me names?
   
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Re: How to deal with my brother? - January 17th 2012, 04:08 AM

Hey there! I agree - your brother has some issues relating to his anger. You are not, however, completely innocent in all of this. I am not trying to attack you or make you feel bad, but you admitted it in your post... you instigate some of these confrontations, and while his reactions are not appropriate, you could easily avoid these physical attacks if you were willing to give him the space he'd like to have. You're 14, so there's something to be said for that - NO ONE at your age likes being told what to do! At the end of the day, though, you need to ask yourself if this is worth it. Are you willing to endure this physical and verbal abuse in order to... what? Make a statement? What kind of statement? That you're stubborn and disrespectful? I think it's worth having a conversation with your brother (when you are both calm) - and apologizing for your part in all of this, as well as bringing up his part in all of this and encouraging him to find ways to control his anger, both in these instances and in other situations with other people (who may or may not be instigators).






   
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Re: How to deal with my brother? - January 17th 2012, 04:20 AM

thanks for the reply, I admit-I can be rather stubborn.But that's something Ive grown into from being pushed around I guess.And I must admit something-I do like the pain.I only recently realized this but I like it in a weird way when he hits me and calls me names.It hurts at first but when the pain wears off I often feel happy and calm.
   
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