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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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JacquiWay Offline
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Unhappy My father and I do not get along. - January 22nd 2012, 02:28 AM

It's just us living here. Maybe that's the reason, we spend too much time together, he doesn't work.

Everything I say to him he takes negitively, and when I try to explain to him how I really meant it, he thinks I'm trying to argue and he gets angry.

Everything he does annoys me. Most the time I try to get along, but sometimes I cannot handle him. He's like a child, doing things he thinks are funny, but are really just super irratating. I usually keep calm when he does things that bug me, but sometimes I just get mad. I don't want to be mad a tmy father all the time.

Sometimes he gets really mad. He just shouts and rages on for hours. I don't know what to do to stop him. Usually it's something I did or said that sets him off, then he just keeps going, yelling about everything. Sometimes he punches walls. Sometimes he hits me. I threaten to call the cops sometimes. But I never really do because I know he's just angry and he never leaves bruises or anything. It's not that bad, physically.

But I do think it's emotional and verbal abuse.

It really bothers me is when he gets mad and calls mom. She lives a few hours away. He calls her and tells her "his side of the story" trying to get her on his side. He usually makes me look like the bad guy, when really I'm not. I'm always the one trying to be civil and talking things out. Then when I get my turn to talk to mom, she thinks she know everything, then I tell her she wouldn't know because she isn't here, and then I have both parents shouting, completely against me. But what really bothes me when he calls her, he talks horrible about me. He tells her I'm useless and he'd "like to knock my fucking teeth out". But then complains that then he'd go to jail.

I get that I'm not always right, but I'm tired of him putting me down and treating me like crap. I dont deserve that.

What do you think about this situation?

Last edited by JacquiWay; January 22nd 2012 at 02:38 AM.
   
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Re: My father and I do not get along. - January 22nd 2012, 02:55 AM

First of all, welcome to TeenHelp! =)

Secondly, I'm sorry to hear about your situation. You're absolutely right - this is abuse, and it needs to stop. Unfortunately, it's very difficult to prove... so I would consider investing in a recording device if I were you. If you have a cell phone, it may have a recording option. If you don't have one, you could probably buy a tape recorder for a decent price. You may also be able to turn on your computer, open up a program, hit the "record" button, turn off the monitor, and let it record your dad when he is going on a verbal rampage.

At the very least, I encourage you to talk to another adult about what's going on - a teacher, a family friend, a neighbor, a school counselor, etc. Someone who will be aware of your situation and be willing to advocate for you if things escalate, or if the authorities get involved.

That is something else you may want to consider. I don't know why you're living with your dad right now and not your mom, but is there any chance you could stay with her? If not, is there a chance you could stay with another relative or a friend's family, just so you and your dad have some space from each other for one or two days out of every week? If you truly feel that you are in danger, PLEASE do not hesitate to follow through on your threat to call the police/Child Protective Services. Your father may change his ways once he realizes that you'll actually follow through with your threats. Until then, though, he'll have no incentive to cease his abusive behavior.






   
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Re: My father and I do not get along. - January 22nd 2012, 03:27 AM

Thanks a ton, that's some extremely helpful advice. I've actually considered recording him, but I never followed through because I never realized it could make a difference. I've been kind of avoiding telling an adul or someone else because I know that if it ever got back to my dad, he'd just angry and turn against me. I guess he's kind of brainwashed me to think I'm always wrong.

I don't live with my mom because she's only my step mom and she and my dad have been divorced for about a year, so she really isn't my "mom". She's just the only mom I've ever had because my real mom passed away when I was young. So legally, I don't think I could live with her if I tried. But I do leave, I stay with my grandma for a few days or weeks during school breaks. That helps a lot. But I find then when it's time for me to return home, I get really depressed. And whenever I stay with my grandma or at a friends house, he's always overly protective of me. I know he's just being a parent and he cares, but he's constantly paranoid and judging everything I do. I've also asked things like living with my grandparents, but bringing it up always makes him upset, so I just let it go before he gets mad.

Anyways, thanks a ton. It's really helped.


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Re: My father and I do not get along. - January 22nd 2012, 04:15 AM

I'm glad I could help. =) Feel free to keep us up-to-date on your situation in the future!






   
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