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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Bella Offline
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Advice about my Dad - March 28th 2009, 06:41 PM

You know how you watch television and you see how there's a perfect and normal family? Why doesn't that ever come true? I used to actually think that divorced parents were how things work while growing up. My parents got divorced when I was one and my brother was three months. So we never thought that life could get any better... for we thought it was normal.

It wasn't.

Usually dads are supportive, work, understanding, helpful. But my dad is an adult stuck with the mind of a thirteen year old. He was never there for me as my brother and I grew up. He cared more about work than anything else in his life. You would think that would be normal, but not when he owns a business and is there everyday until midnight or somewhere in the morning... mind you, the shop closes at 7pm.

He only thinks about himself and is money-hungry all the time. He never listens and would only keep in the mind of how his money is going to be spent and how he needs his sleep. He never slept at a normal time before. At least none that I know of.

Want to know how money-hungry he is? He took off health insurance that was secured and safe on my brother and I so that he could save money. My brother recently got sick and he doesn't know what he has, but my brother is getting weaker and weaker, and my dad wait one week before taking him to the hospital. Then the prescription comes and guess what? It was too expensive. Too expensive to pay for my brothers health and he would rather buy it somewhere else like WalMart for cheaper, when really that kind of medicine wouldn't be at WalMart, it would be at the hospital.

I don't know what goes through his head, but I do know that he smoked one too many as a kid, and it could have just stopped his brain from growing up. I don't know what to do anymore. And what is getting me to rant on like this is that my mom, who I would rather live with until my dad corrupted the courts, is going homeless. She naturally stutters and she can't get a job because no one out there accepts those who are disabled. And I have seen it with my own two eyes. I literally was with her when she gave them her resume which is really good because she has a college degree in Cosmetology and Hair Design, and I look back and they throw it away!

But back to the point. My mom is going homeless and I need to get to her and it is his responsibility to bring my brother and I to my moms, but right now he's sleeping and just ignoring the fact that he has a responsibility as a parent! He should have never gotten custody, but I guess having a sister in the courts can really do damage to the good person, doesn't anyone think so?

Instead of my dad taking my brother and I, he wants to go to his friends house and set up a party. My mom can't pick my brother and I up. She has no security at all. She can't pay for the electric bill, so her camera won't work, and her twin brother knocked the door down. Now THAT will be another story. A story that would be unbelievable and one that I wish never happened to my mother while she was growing up.

Anyways, what do you guys think of my father? I don't see a 'father' figure anywhere. I just see someone who is controlling and just wants everything for himself and when he does have it, he just leaves it alone. I just never understand. I need tips on how to deal with this kind of person. I just always want to strangle him!
   
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Re: Advice about my Dad - March 28th 2009, 07:11 PM

Hey Bella. :]

First of all, I've never seen one of those ''perfect'' families in real life. They are just there to make us all think how crap our lives are.

Secondly, I am really sorry you have to go through all that! It's way too much for one person to handle. And I'm glad to see you're seeking advice.

Your dad. He sounds as if he doesn't realize what he puts your brother and you through. That's no excuse, but it may be true.
I know it may be hard but you seriously need to sit down with him and talk things through. Sit him down and do not let him leave the room until he listens to you. Tell him everything you just told us. Tell him that he needs to be more responsible when it comes to his children.

Parents can get a little weird when it comes to money. Your dad has made mistakes in the ways he has chosen to spend and save his. He probably does realize these mistakes, but is too proud to admit it to himself or to you.

But really, I think your best option is to talk things through. He doesn't know how you're feeling, and you don't know how he's feeling. You need to break that barrier down and try and find a compromise.

I know it's difficult, but things can only get better from here, yeah?

Hang in there and PM me any time you need to talk.
   
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Re: Advice about my Dad - March 28th 2009, 07:25 PM

There are families that are highly functional in real life, however, they do have their own problems. Sometimes I look at them and be like, "Huh, why can't my family be like that?". But you have to separate the person from the problem. Your dad might not be necessarily money-hungry - but rather, he thinks it is the best thing he can do for his family in working so much.

Now, this doesn't permit him to treat you or your mother badly. Many people just aren't emotionally fluid, if that makes sense - for one reason or another they had to be stifled emotionally to survive themselves. This might be the case with your father, I'm not sure. For now, take care of yourself, take care of your mom and family as much as you can whilst balancing your own life, lean on TeenHelp or a counselor/teacher for support. This is extraordinarily tough, but stay strong and take care of yourself. PM me if you need to. (:


=P
   
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Bella Offline
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Re: Advice about my Dad - March 28th 2009, 07:51 PM

I appreciate you guys getting back to me so quickly. But I have talked to him about everything before. I am not the type to close my mouth when it comes to how I feel if it is someone that I know. Opening up on the internet is always different, and people can understand that. It is more anonymous.

x_nicola - My mother doesn't have that much money and she tries to make my brother and I happy the best way she can. Whether it to go to the nearby carnival and enjoy ourselves or possibly walk around the mall and buy us lunch. My father will not spend money on my brother or I. Mainly not on me because I open my mouth too much and I tell him everything that he's doing wrong. I understand that can ruin someone's pride of trying to do something right, but I don't see any right in his actions.

I needed a ride to my mothers house today and he would rather sleep and not care for my brother and I. My grandmother called and asked him to give her a ride somewhere. Long and behold, he gets up and takes her where she needed to go. So I don't understand. If he doesn't care about his kids, then why the heck did he want to be a father? He doesn't know what responsibility is. And that just pisses me off. My brother actually gets a lot out of my dad, and I think that I never deserve anything, just like my mom did while growing up and look where she is, and that is another thing that stresses me out. My mother is not on the street because of the economy, she is on the street because her family are not all there. Her parents are from Egypt and Moracco and that should explain things more than enough.

I think I went on a tangent, but please understand that I have talked to him and told him everything. I have expressed myself to him with so many different emotions: anger, depression, sadness, anxiety. Nothing goes through him.

Ergg - I understand everything that you're saying. But a father would not work 5 hours after their work closes to do nothing. He stays up all the time and every night and it is sometimes not even at work. It is at different places. He basically leaves my brother and I alone.

Thank you. I will try. I know I am strong, but sometimes I just question myself.
   
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