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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

View Poll Results: What shall I do?
Your in the right, if he meant that much to you he would cool it down. 1 33.33%
Your in the wrong, you shouldn't make him choose between friends because you want to be close 2 66.67%
Voters: 3. This poll is closed

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Jacketh Offline
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Am I in the right or wrong with my friend? :( - January 27th 2012, 04:52 PM

I see I've triggered grieving, Its not as bad as someone with cancer or anything just like. I'm just grieving in the way I'm really upset and my best mate obviously doesn't care much about me, please please read on..

This is long, but its getting me down and really nice some outside advice..

So. Me and my best friend have always been close since Year 7. He was best mates with someone else in Year 7+8 and so was I, but the four of us all hanged round together. Anyway in Year 9 me and my friend become close and become secret best friends, hiding it from our ''false'' best friends. We managed to tell them and we are not longer friends with them. Anyway, things were okay throughout year 9 until one week it all cracked off. He had this best girl friend, (Girl-Friend) who I knew he went out on walks with and stuff. But all of a sudden, he started lieing to me when he went out with her for no reason at all. I didn't get it, he was going behind my back by going out with her for no reason. I asked him to stop lieing to me and tell me when he goes out with her, but he never and did it again a week later. By then, I did something nasty and said ''Maybe I should tell her that you didn't like her a few months ago'' - And before I did, he sent her a text message calling me names etc, I had suspicions he had sent a text message as the girl was showing a text to everyone at school apart from me, I said to him ''Did you send a text to her'' and he said no, then later it was confirmed he did''

Anyway, after all that I asked him to choose between me and her, it took him about a week and eventually chose me which left us with no friends. But we found a new friend group soon after that which we fitted into just fine. Me and my friend got close and even started to ''go out with each other'' - We would kiss, etc. I am a boy and he was a boy. We got close and things were cool after that.

Anyway, around about Year 10 we got put with some other people in classes that he never spoke too, the gay thing died down and he never wanted to go out with me anymore. This was upsetting me and we started having mini fallout's every so often. Then it started, he started getting closer to other people and ignoring me, he wouldn't have a laugh with me no more, there wasn't something right about him with me anymore. So a week ago I asked him why he's been like this with me lately and drifted away from me and he said he doesn't feel he's drifted away from me. But he has, he isn't the same with me anymore but sits there and has a laugh with other people and not me. So the two people he was ''replacing me'' for I've asked him to cool it with so we can be close again. It happens the two people he is replacing me for are both really horrible, one is extremely racist which just adds wood to the fire. Since I've asked him, he's just said ''I won't decide'' - But I've told all my friends to leave me alone as I don't want to be around anyone if I'm not with him. I care about him so much and I want to be close to him and I'm getting jealous so easy but what the situation is now..

- He is willing to not decide to see me on my own, upset, have no friends
- I said if you don't decide then I'm ''ditched'' (We won't be mates no more) and he said Your ditched if thats the case.
- All I want is for him to cool it with them, so then we can be close and I don't like them because 1 is racist, I just want to move away from them in lessons etc.
- If he was my best mate he'd understand how much I care about him and wouldn't let me have no friends and just cool it with them, wouldn't he?
- In Year 9 he told his best girl mate to leave him alone for me and stopped being friends with them for me, yet he can't choose cool it with two people he doesn't see much now?

It would seem to most on from what I've typed he doesn't want to be best mates (If thats what we were, we kissed etc) - But he says to me ''I don't want it to end like this, your still my best mate and always will be, I just don't want to choose.'' - But he would if he cared that much? The two people he has become close to have there own friendship groups which he isn't included in. But my best friend isn't that eager to make up etc.

I'm also paranoid that he has started going out with the girl in Year 9 he chose for
I feel like a bitch asking him to choose, but he isn't even with these people I'm asking him to cool it with much, so I can't understand why he can't

I literally can't stop thinking about it and its brought me to tears. It's not as simple as ''Just move on'' - As I don't want too and he apparantly still wants me to be his best mate. I don't care if I have 0 friends (I have a lot) if I've just got him.

Last edited by PSY; January 29th 2012 at 11:07 PM. Reason: Removed triggering prefix.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
George^^ Offline
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Re: Am I in the right or wrong with my friend? :( - January 28th 2012, 11:14 PM

Sorry dude. Neither of you are in the right, but the one with you in the "wrong" is the right one. You can't ask someone to choose between friends, I mean, you can, but that sucks. Because it's possible to like more than one person at a time.

-Why don't you ask him to hang out "alone", and I know guys suck sometimes about talking about feelings, but maybe if you talk about yours, he'll talk about his?
And I know racist people suck, but you could try a little bit, for him? I mean, he ditched those other people for you, and now it's your turn stand some of his less like-able friends.

I'm sorry about that, hope it works out. ^^

I've said it once, I've said it twice, I've said it a thousand fucking times
That I'm OK, that I'm fine, that it's all just in my mind
But this has got the best of me, and I can't seem to sleep
It's not 'cause you're not with me, it's cause you never leave
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
PSY Offline
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Re: Am I in the right or wrong with my friend? :( - January 29th 2012, 11:05 PM

Here's an idea: what's the point of having a "best" friend, if it means you or your friend have to neglect other friendships in the process? The bottom-line is that "best friends" come and go. It's a big deal when you're younger, but as you grow older, you realize that, while you may be closer to some friends than others, it doesn't mean to have to push other people away in order to keep those friendships strong. You can have MANY friends, and there's nothing wrong with being close to several people! I think you were both in the wrong for taking such a narrow-minded and selfish approach to your friendships. If you want to be close, fine - but it's not about being the "best" friend. It's not a competition. He can have friends, and you can have friends, and you both can be close to a number of people for a number of reasons, and having several friends is NOT a betrayal on either of your parts. If I were you, I would stop with the "I'm okay with no friends as long as I have him" mentality. If you keep acting like this, you're just going to push him further away. You need to give him freedom to be around other people, and you can use that time to make new friends of your own. Remember, it's NOT about having a "best" friend... it's about having a NETWORK of friends that you can rely on. If you put all your effort into a single person, there's a good chance you'll become dependent upon them, and that's never a good thing.

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