Who to turn to?

[anon43342]

First, let me tell you about my relationship with my brother, so you can get a better understanding of what's going on (and so I can let out some steam ). A couple years ago, we were fine. Sure, we got into fights every once in a while, but that didn't mean we didn't love each other. But as I got older, we gradually started getting into more fights, and I started noticing all of his bad qualities. It's gotten so far that I now have officially hated his guts for about a year. We get into fights every day, and scream fights about once a month, but from what I can tell it's only going to get worse. Eventually, I'll start hitting back when he kicks me in uncontrolled rage. I'm perfectly ok with hating him- I mean, not much you can do there, right? May as well except it and move on. My only problem is that I can't get away from him, and it's driving me nuts, especially since I have no one to turn to! The little brat is obsessed with me, he always wants to be around me even though we always get into fights, and I can't leave the house because I'm not aloud to! I outright refuse to tell a therapist or counselor- why tell a stranger your problems? That just seems stupid. If anything, that'll make it worse. And I clearly can't tell my parents, because they'll just brush it off with a "Oh, you're just upset with him, that's all." I'd tell my sister, but it's the same with her, and I've tried telling my friends, but they just don't care about my family issues. Oh, and my best friend is just too blond to understand. I've tried talking to her about it, trust me. What do I do?! Please help!

[Chris.]

Well first off, You said that talking to a stranger would make the situation worse, or not help; well I'm a stranger. There is not harm in talking to a counselor - and frankly, in a case like this where you really have no one to turn to, I highly recommend talking to a professional. Of course, you always have sites like TeenHelp to come to and ask for help.

Now, as far as the brother thing - unfortunately I think we all have gotten into fights with out siblings (some way more than others). If he keeps coming around you, It seems like he wants to build a relationship with you, but you guys just keep disagreeing and getting into fights. The best thing to do, is to take a quick few days break away from him, and then start trying to ignore his bad qualities and try to build a good relationship with him. Sounds easier said than done, I know - but I think if you both try to build up this relationship, that it will turn out to be great one. Start inviting him out with friends once in awhile. Start taking him to the movies or other places. This sounds stupid, but it will mean alot to him, and ultimately it should settle down the fights.



Best wishes,
Chris

[PSY]

I second what Chris said about talking to strangers... or, better yet, start with your family! You're assuming an awful lot when describing how your parents would react. How do you know they would dismiss your conflict with your brother? The bottom-line is, you don't. You don't, because it doesn't seem like you've ever reached out to others regarding this issue. I'm not blaming you, because I'm very much the same way... I try to resolve problems on my own. After years of fighting, you haven't been able to solve this problem on your own. So what choice does that leave you? I encourage you to talk to your parents first, since they are in a position of authority to monitor what is going on between you and your brother. If they don't assume authority, call some marriage and family therapists in the area. Generally, you'll be able to find someone who is willing to treat you and/or your family for a very low rate - we call it a "sliding scale" fee.