Parents

[physichemedicine]

Theres a winter formal dance and theres an after party soon. My parents want me to come home after the dance.

Should I disobey them?

They already dont trust me that much, and I know this will worsen our relationship, but I can't take being on this short leash anymore. I already planned everything out; theres no way anything can go wrong. The semester is over and my grades dont matter as of the moment. I am a 17 and a half year old male who goes to the 3rd best high school in the nation; not to brag, but Im pretty smart, and I can think quite a lot of steps ahead. I am very good at making decisions, and I know what to do, and what not to do. My parents dont trust me and they still think I am a little kid. The only thing Im worried about is getting caught (theres a possibility that my parents will NOT call the house that I am "sleeping over" at) by my parents and permanently losing their trust.

[Tyr.]

EDIT: I've just realised how much I've sworn in this post. So, read at your own peril, and don't whine just because I used a bad word.

Go to the after-party.

It's one of those situations where I think you should follow the spirit of the rule, not the letter. Stop and think to yourself - what is it that my parents don't want me to partake in while I am at this after-party? Drugs, alcohol, sex, violence etc. That's probably the sort of shit they just don't want you getting caught up in. Go along anyway. As long as you don't act like a total cunt and justify your parents current mindset towards you going to a party.

Just in my experience, for your age/situation....
- Go easy on the alcohol, if you do drink. This would not be the time or place to be getting shitfaced. Have a few beers, chill, etc. Good time to show people (Not just your parents, but your friends and peers too) that you are capable of being a responsible drinker. That's a good card to play every now and then at your age. Also, the girls are rarely impressed with the guy who needs to be carried out of the party by his mates. Don't be that guy.
- Drugs? Yeah, nah. There might/probably will be drugs present. Stay the fuck away. Don't even get close to a guy rolling a joint, that shit will show up on a drug test even if it's secondhand smoke.
- Sex? Eh, not if you're drinking. Go with your own judgement on this one. If you're a bit of a womanizer at 17, then feel free to slay some pussy, but it's probably not earning you the cool-guy points you think it is. Also, use a condom. And common sense. Use fucking heaps of that.
- Violence? Never start it, always finish it.

If you get caught by your parents don't try and talk them out of it, or give them excuses, or be dishonest or lie to them. Just cowboy the fuck up, look them in the eye and admit to them that you disobeyed them and went to the party anyway. Take your punishment with grace, and don't bitch and moan whatever the punishment might be. That's the thing about growing up - you can do whatever the fuck you want, but you have to face the consequences too.

Have fun. Don't be a cunt. It'll all work out in the end

- Yogi

[RobbieFox]

I'd say go... I've always been the type that never went to the after-party's and everyone thought I was lame.. Which I am. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders, and know what's right and what's wrong. Just don't hurt anyone or get hurt and your parents should be ok.

[Tyr.]

Originally Posted by RobbieFox

I've always been the type that never went to the after-party's and everyone thought I was lame.. Which I am.

I'll let the OP have his own experiences and draw his own conclusions, but I always thought they were shit. "After" functions can be good, depending on what they are "after", but a lot of the parties after parties I've been to were terrible.

Terrible music playing too loud, people getting too drunk, people beginning to do stupid shit, and the skanky couple in the corner.

Yeah, nah. Not for me either.

[RobbieFox]

Originally Posted by Yogi

I'll let the OP have his own experiences and draw his own conclusions, but I always thought they were shit. "After" functions can be good, depending on what they are "after", but a lot of the parties after parties I've been to were terrible.

Terrible music playing too loud, people getting too drunk, people beginning to do stupid shit, and the skanky couple in the corner.

Yeah, nah. Not for me either.

Yeah. I did go to a rave party with a friend once. Everyone was acting crazy, one girl was kissing multiple guys and taking her shirt off. I felt like I was in a different world I had always wanted to go to rave parties, but by the time it was over it was nothing like I thought it would have been.

[Shawn K.]

Dude, Yogi's post is one of the most awesome I've seen in a long time. I'm younger than you, and have no right to demand the level of independence you're talking about. But at 14 my Dad already has a "trust but verify" attitude about damn near everything I do. Translation, he has learned (recently I might add) that I can't be trusted any farther than he can shot-put me. And I know exactly why he doesn't trust me, because I betrayed the trust once too often. I only bring it up because of where you said your folks already don't trust you, and you also mentioned worsening the relationship with them. So I would wonder if going to the after-party without their blessing is going to be worth it in your mind based on those two things you mentioned.

You got 6 months or so till you're legal. Is it that important at this point in time? Just asking.

And back to Yogi's post. That last paragraph about "cowboying up", no excuses, admit it and take the consequences with some grace and maturity, and whatever you do, don't whine about it.... is exactly nearly word for word what my Dad has told me for years. Just before he lowers the boom on me after i've been busted for whatever stupid crap I did, and if I've manned up, he tells me I have his respect because I didn't put him through a whole other round of bullshit on top of disobeying him. Yeah, then he lowers the boom, but I know we're still cool.

Yogi... I'm going to cut and paste your post, print it... and I swear I'm gonna tape it up on the back of my bedroom door so I see it everyday. I promise to keep it near me until I graduate college.

[PSY]

Like other members have said, this is about weighing the pros and cons. Going to the after-party will allow you to assert your independence from your parents (in the sense that you can make your own decisions), but you need to be aware of the possible consequences, and to accept those consequences with maturity. Ultimately, it is "their house, their rules," and if you're going to disobey those rules, you need to be prepared to leave the house. Now, I'm not saying they'll kick you out because of this one ordeal... but essentially, you'll be saying, "I don't agree with your rules, so I'm ready to get out and make my own rules." Shawn brought up an important point - what is the reason for asserting your independence now, vs. when you turn 18 in the near future? What are you trying to accomplish? Again, is it worth it? Maybe it is, but if it is, I certainly hope you're ready to be an "adult" and fully take charge of your life. If your parents are anything like my dad, that's what you have to do - you either live by their rules, or you find your own apartment/job/etc. Going to the after-party isn't necessarily an issue of what's "right" or "wrong"... it's about how you handle the situation and your parents' reactions.