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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Dump Him or Keep Him? - February 6th 2012, 01:12 AM

Okay, so I have a really great friendship with a guy named "Ryan". I've known him since last summer, and when we met we clicked. He's like my older brother. He's always there for me, he gives me smart adivce, and I can trust him with anything. He's always giving me hugs and telling me he loves me and just is so sweet. But lately he's been being kind of a jerk. He'll call me things like "a dumb b!tch" and tell me that he hates me and that I'm stupid, and then turn around and say he's just joking. He'll call me annoying (something he KNOWS that I hate being called) and then say he's sorry and that he was just messing around with me. It was funny the first time, but after about the 10th time it gets old. And I'm getting tired of getting all worked up over it, only to find out later that he was joking. Don't get me wrong, he's very sweet, but can be sweet only when he wants to. I've told him before he should probably tone down the joking, but he doesn't seem to be listening. Should I talk to him more seriously, or just forget talking and forget our friendship?


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Re: Dump Him or Keep Him? - February 6th 2012, 01:43 AM

If hes making you feel unloved and hes hurting you emotionally, then you really should think of breaking up with him. I understand that he can be sweet when he wants to be, but that all doesn't matter the moment he decides to treat you unfairly. If you do confront him more fiercely with this, then he may start to get annoyed with it and it could result in physical violence. If your boyfriend is calling you a bitch, then that's the first sign that you need to get out of that relationship as fast as you can.


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Re: Dump Him or Keep Him? - February 6th 2012, 01:58 AM

I think you should try one more time. And just tell him your serious about it and tell him that what he says is hurting you whether he is joking or not. If he still doesn't get it after that then maybe just end the friendship. He's obviously not as nice as you thought if he is putting you down and doesn't even try to change.
   
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Re: Dump Him or Keep Him? - February 6th 2012, 02:58 AM

Nobody likes ultimatums, but I think you need to be straight up and tell him that if he can't stop joking like that, you can't be with him anymore. Tell him you don't find it funny or amusing. That way you know that you did everything you could to make it work, but you're not going to tolerate being disrespected. After that it will be ultimately his decision to decide if he's going to stop or be with you.


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Re: Dump Him or Keep Him? - February 8th 2012, 11:53 AM

You need to talk to him. Pull him away from what he's doing so he doesn't have any distractions, and then clearly tell him that he needs to stop joking like that, because its going too far. You shouldn't have to put up with that. He's a good friend- he shouldn't be treating you like that.


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Re: Dump Him or Keep Him? - February 8th 2012, 03:11 PM

I think what you need is a long and detailed (and healthy) interaction. Talk to him once more. It's worth a try. Just tell him frankly that you don't like his "jokes", so he better stop. If he's a good friend, he'll understand. If he's not, well, then I guess break-up i the only option.

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Re: Dump Him or Keep Him? - February 9th 2012, 02:26 AM

Let's be clear about something - Ryan is NOT joking. When you ask a friend to stop doing something that is hurtful, and they continue to do it, that is completely intentional on their part. There may be something he's not acknowledging, or even properly aware of... but when someone seemingly fails to understand what is a very straightforward request, that means they really do intend to hurt you in order to convey a message of some kind. You need to find out what that message is. I would sit down with Ryan and say, "I've asked you to stop saying all of these mean things to me, and you don't stop. What have I done to hurt you? Why do you feel the need to punish me?"






   
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