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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Jealousy - February 9th 2012, 08:35 PM

THERE REALLY IS KNOW WAY TO EXPLAIN THIS...SO I PUT ALL MY EMOTIONS INTO A LETTER THAT I MAY OR MAY NOT SEND TO MY BEST FRIEND (LILY).

Dear Lily,

Iím sorry Iíve been a bit distant lately. But I have a reasonÖ.
I have to be honest here. I love you, with all my heart and I want nothing but the best for you. ButÖI envy you. You have the life Iíve always wanted. I always wanted an awesome boyfriend like Jared (instead I get a jackass like Austin), I always wanted friends who love me for who I really am (instead I got a group of artificial ones), I always wanted to be pretty. You have everything I have ever wanted. You have no idea how much I wish I could be like you. Pretty, smart, nice, approachable, skinny, blonde. Everything that makes you who you are, I want. I know itís a horrible thing to say and I know Iím sounding like a horrible friend but thatís why.
As I said, I love you and youíre my best friend, but I want your life. You have it all, whether you notice it or not. I hate to say this, but I wish I was you. Sorry, if I sound ignorant or stupid by writing this. I just wanted to tell you the truth. This is why I've been a bit distant lately...

Love, erin<3

SO YEAH. I'M JEALOUS OF MY BEST FRIEND. SHOULD I TELL HER? IF SO, HOW CAN I TELL HER? I DON'T WANT TO HURT HER OR SOUND IGNORANT BUT I HAVE TO BE HONEST. SHE HAS NOTICED I'VE BEEN A BIT UPSET LATELY....SO SHOULD I TELL HER?


"May I remind you of those little things. The small gems of life. Those little sparkles of happiness in which we find solace in. At times they're hard to see but just know they're always there, just waiting for you to reach out, see them, to embrace them and to enjoy them."
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Re: Jealousy - February 9th 2012, 08:51 PM

I think that jealousy is normal, to an extent. I don't know anyone who hasn't felt it before, and who hasn't wished that their lives could be a little bit more like someone else's. I know that I've felt this way numerous times in the past, and I'm sure I'm not the only one. What I've learned about jealousy though, is that often times it is irrational. We look at the person we are jealous of as having a perfect life, or being perfect. But in reality, no one has that. Everyone has problems, and no on looks at their life as being 100% amazing all of the time. Everyone stumbles in life, and everyone has hard times. No matter whose life you live, you will experience that.

Instead of looking at what you don't have in life, how about looking at what you do have, and what you are blessed to have? It might not seem like it to you, but chances are there is someone out there in the world who would kill to have YOUR life. No ones life is exactly the same, and in the end it's not about having the perfect life, it's about appreciating and loving the life that you do have.

I don't know if you should really tell your friend that you are jealous of her, exactly. That could easily make her angry with you. Chances are, she doesn't see her life as being as perfect as you do. If you tell her that you feel her life is perfect, she could easily become upset, especially if there's something going on in her life that she may feel makes it far from perfect. I think you should tell her that you're having a hard time being happy with your life and are starting to envy others for the lives they have. You don't need to pinpoint her directly, unless you decide that that's what you want to do.

Like I said, no one has the perfect life. It's all in your perception. You might think you have an awful life, but to someone out there, you're the one with the perfect life that they would love to have. It's all about appreciating what you've got, even though that's hard sometimes. If you don't like something, change it. And if you can't change it, learn to look at it in a more positive way.

Good luck with your friend, and hang in there! I'm always here if you need to talk.





A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts


   
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Re: Jealousy - February 10th 2012, 08:42 PM

I agree with MadPoet.

I also agree that you shouldn't tell your friend. See the thing is, she doesn't have everything. NO ONE has anything. We often find ourselves comparing us to someone else when there should be no comparing. What she puts out in life (for friends and strangers to see) is not always the case. In fact, it is NEVER the case. You have to understand, we all have problems, we all hurt, we all struggle. The key word is: ALL.

She may look pretty, smart, approachable, etc - but she has hidden problems, hidden past experiences, and hidden pain. I've never met someone who has had EVERYTHING, and has never had failure, sadness, problems, and pain. So although her life looks appealing, that is never the case on the inside. We all work for who we become - and often we find that people make a 'fake' person to show the world, but inside they aren't that same person.

Here is an example:

I knew a girl, who was everything you just described, but even better. She had a personality like you couldn't believe. ALL the guys loved her. ALL the guys wanted her. She seemed popular - and everyone knew her. Everyone was just friends with her because they just wanted to get into her pants, and she only had a few loyal friends. Then I came along, and I approached the girl in a non-predator way. Sure, I thought she was pretty, and sure I would have loved to be with her, but I was just looking for a friendship. Well I got it - and after about a year of being best friends, she revealed things shes never revealed before. Being raped, abused, and overall a bad childhood. Now those people who thought she had EVERYTHING, are stupid for not realizing that she lost things, hurt, and failed to she where she was. No one is perfect, and Its not often that there are people out there that just want to be friends (especially on opposite sex).

Now, sure, this has nothing to do with you being jealous - but I just want you to know that no one has everything. And everyone struggles, hurts, and has some sort of a bad past (in some way).


Now to the problem at hand - if you choose to tell her, don't ambush her, don't accuse her of having the best life. She doesn't, nor will she react kindly to you for throwing that comment at her. Approach it calm and say that it seems sometimes that you struggle more than her, and that you wish that you maybe can be in her shoes for a few days. Watch the wording of what you say or it may cause problems - or even a lost friendship.

Personally - I wouldn't even mention it to her. I would research ways to get over jealousy, and ways to over come it so I could better myself.



Best wishes,
Chris


Chris Jackson
ďIn order to succeed, your desire for success should be greater than your fear of failure.Ē
   
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