my friend, my crush and my jealousy

[JollyRancher.]

Idk where to put this.

Im not a jealous person for the most part but ive been very jealous ever since i saw my friend talk to my crush. Usually i wouldnt have a problem but he used to like her and i dont want to loss him. You could say we have a secret relationship but we are not exclusive. I dont want to loss him because I really like him. And now seeing my friend ( who he used to really liked) talk to him and become his friend, well im really jealous now. I do not want to be a terrible friend and say "hey could you get away from him". I also dont want to be the " happy" girl that watches her friend and the guy she likes get together. If i end up that girl well im pretty broken about something else and i would get even more broken

[PSY]

I think the key point is that you're in a "secret relationship" but not "exclusive" with this guy... which means you don't know whether or not you have the right to "claim" him as yours. Before discussing any of this with your friend, I would talk to your crush and try to get a sense for where you stand. Unfortunately, if he's not willing to commit to you, then you don't really have a right to tell your friend not to date your crush. You could certainly tell her that you like him, and that you're kinda-sorta seeing each other in secret... and as your friend, she may decide he's off-limits because she doesn't want to cause tension in your friendship... but that could ultimately lead to a very complicated situation as well. So first things first, I'd try to establish some kind of consensus on whether or not you two are really "dating," and perhaps you will feel differently if he says there is absolutely no chance of you two ever being "official" (not saying he'll say that... but if he did, would your opinion about this situation change?).

[Chris.]

I agree with PSY. In a situation like this communication is a major role. I would talk to your crush, and discuss what is going on. Ask him if you think that he can commit, or is he just wanting to be friends. Once you find out, then you can move on. But like PSY said, the first step is to find out where this 'secret relationship' stands, and if he is willing to commit.

If he isn't wanting to commit - than you really have not choice within the matter other than telling your friend that you like him (which at that point I think is wrong because he would have already told you he didn't want a commitment and there could be nothing between you too).

If he IS willing to commit, then I would just tie the not right then in there. No more BS - no more flirting and giving hints. At that point its time to make all feelings known, and to make a decision on what the next step is. If he commits, obviously make the 'secret' known.

I hope all this works out - and you can always feel free to Update us and we can go from there.



Best wishes,
Chris