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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Question the drop that made the bucket overflow - February 12th 2012, 02:27 AM

I'm not used to asking for help like this but I just can't go on anymore.

I have a huge problem with my mom, she keeps on bothering me, but not like the ussual mom-son bothering, I mean like abusing. She drinks a lot and I think that that's the main reason why she behaves this way.

For example yesterday, when I came home from work tired and frozen she started provoking me saying how I'm in dept to her because I live under her roof and how I'm lazy and so on. We started fighting until she threw me out....again.
This happens almost once a week and it's been known to get worce.

I've tried everything listening to her, not listening to her, telling someone and so on, nothing has worked. I even tried getting help for her but she just won't go see a shrink and because I live in fucking Bosnia there is nothing more I can do. I wish i could get a real job so I could just move out.

sorry if it was too long but I just needed to get this out, so if anyone has any ideas of how to change this I'm open to suggestions.


HORDE ZLA SARAJEVO 1987
   
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Re: the drop that made the bucket overflow - February 12th 2012, 03:00 AM

That's a tough situation to be in. I'm sorry. =(

The way I see it, you have three options:

1. Move out.
2. Stay and cope.
3. Try an intervention.

Moving out would be difficult at the moment because of your job situation, but is there someone you could stay with for a while, such as a friend or extended family member? You wouldn't be able to pay rent, but perhaps you could offer to do chores around the house for them while you continue to look for a job?

Staying and coping is a bit vague, but basically, it's to keep trying different things. Once all of those ideas have been exhausted, find a way to minimize your contact with her so you can avoid confrontations that lead to your getting kicked out of the house. For me, when I was dealing with my mom, it basically meant just staying in my room and being SUPER polite when I couldn't avoid her, even if it meant sucking up and holding in my emotions. Afterward, I would find a way to release those emotions, like talking to friends or writing in a journal. I don't know what your means of coping would be, but if you can't move out, I would keep trying, because what choice do you have? (By the way, please choose HEALTHY means of coping... so no excessive drinking like your mom, or other self-harming behaviors.)

An intervention may be possible if you can prove your mother's alcohol use is an addiction and ultimately putting her at risk for physical or psychological harm. Unfortunately, I don't know how an intervention would work in Bosnia... but perhaps that is something you could research online, or you could talk to your family doctor about the procedure for having someone committed to a detox/rehabilitation center against their will.

I wish you all the best. No matter what option you choose, please know that you'll always have TeenHelp to rely upon when things are tough. =)






   
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Re: the drop that made the bucket overflow - February 12th 2012, 04:22 AM

I don't really have anywhere to stay, I lived with a friend for about a month a while back, but it's a really small appartment and 6 people live there so there isn't any space for me, and here all the rehab centers are volontary, unless u get arrested. I'll try coping, i have my ways, I was just hoping that it wouldn't come to that because when she's like that she's just looking for a reason to make me miserable, that includes taking my stuff and breaking it until i respond.
thx for the advice anyway


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Re: the drop that made the bucket overflow - February 12th 2012, 04:55 AM

Hi,



If she takes your stuff and breaks it while drunk, you could have her arrested for breaking your belongings and drunkenness.
The way she is treating you is not right and her behavior is abuse, so any sort of abuse charges can get her out of there and in to a place where she can get help.
Sure, contacting the police on your mom might not sound cool, because she is your mom, but at the same time, if she is breaking the law (by breaking your belongings and treating you the way she does) then that might be the best option.
Hope this helps and you can message me if you ever need someone to talk to.


"i don't care your intentions. I just want you to know my self-hatred never took me where I wanted to go. At the end of the day...I can pick at the pain but I can't cut it away."
   
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Re: the drop that made the bucket overflow - February 12th 2012, 06:28 PM

I already called the police once before, and they almost arrested me, it's pretty much her word against mine and when they found out that she's my mom they just told me to listen to her.


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