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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Unhappy So afraid of what my friends will think of me! - February 17th 2012, 04:12 AM

this is going to be a bit long. i'm so sorry to bother you with this stupid problem of mine but you need to understand how much i care about it and how much it bothers me and keeps me from living a normal fearless life.

well to begin with, i am going to be 16 years old in a few months, i'm in the 10th grade and i have a really serious problem. i care TOO much about what people think of me. a lot of things bother me, but one of them is me not having my first kiss. i know, this is so stupid, i know. but i just can't overcome this fear of people knowing i didn't have it yet, or ACTUALLY having it. the worst part is i lied about having my first kiss so many times and now i can't take it back, it would be too awkward. i always feel like i'm not good enough for this society and i feel the constant need to lie but then i always regret it. this kiss thing is keeping my mind busy for 4 years now, it started in the 7th grade. it was so stupid to lie back then because everyone had their first kiss at this age and even at the 8th garde, i could be done with this by now. but my bad decision made it even worse, now i have this kid in my class, he is kind of popular and sits next to me in class, i'm almost 100% sure that he knows i haven't had my first kiss yet and he just wants to bug me, but i still keep on lying, every time. example: "vicky are you a virgin?" "what do you think?" "i think not..." "stop with the act, i'm a virgin" "haha right, and you haven't had your first kiss yet right?" "of course i have" "really? how many guys did you kiss?" "four" "who was it?" "you want me to start telling you about all the guys i kissed?" "yeah" "no way".... and this is how it ended. well this guy is a jerk, obviously. but i mean, what should i do?? i really want to kiss someone, so bad! but i'm too scared! and i was having a nightmare because of that guy! i dreamed that he told everyone in school about me not having my first kiss. this is why i can't go to sleep and i'm writing this, hopefully someone will tell me what to do and how to solve this.
this is my biggest fear right now, i feel to much pressure. there's a lot of guys i can see myself dating with, they are cute, funny i can start liking them easily, but this kiss thing is the only thing that is in my way! i feel like other people expect me to be good at this just because they think i'm experienced, i know most of them think so and not one told me that "i look like a great kisser". i don't feel comfortable saying this but i'm actually really pretty and i get this a lot! even though my looks, i'm not a mean girl and i don't hurt people or stuff like that. i'm good at school, i'm a quiet girl, and a lot of guys like me. but i'm still terrified of making a mistake, i'm afraid being a bad kisser and letting them know that this was my first kiss. and i'm scared that they would tell their friends and suddenly everyone will know. i just can't handle with something like that. you have to understand how serious it is to me, this fear has to be something psychological. again, so sorry you had to read that stupid problem and i'm sorry that it's so long
i appreciate your time♥ i hope someone could help me!
   
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Re: So afraid of what my friends will think of me! - February 17th 2012, 04:30 AM

Hey there,

First off, I just want to say that it's completely normal to be so nervous or scared about having your first kiss with a boy. I think everyone is at some point. Now this boy who sits next to you in class, it seems like he's just trying to get a rise out of you and probably doesn't actually know what he's talking about. Yes, maybe you shouldn't have lied about already having kissed but it's done and I don't think it's something you should lose sleep over. How many boys you have kissed, when you had your first kiss etc isn't really anybodies business but yours. One option you have is to just tell one of your closest friends (or at least one you trust) the truth. I personally think this would be your best option just because being truthful is the only thing that will get it all off your chest and then you wouldn't have to worry anymore...but I understand why you wouldn't want to. But would it really be so bad if everyone knew? Your other option that I can think of would be to just wait it out. When you're ready to have your first kiss, it'll happen and when it does it's really not scary at all. Sometimes we over-think things and make them seem a lot more scary than they actually are!

Feel better and try not to worry to much about it! Things have a way of working themselves out in the end



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Re: So afraid of what my friends will think of me! - February 17th 2012, 05:17 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ForgetMeNot9 View Post
Hey there,

First off, I just want to say that it's completely normal to be so nervous or scared about having your first kiss with a boy. I think everyone is at some point. Now this boy who sits next to you in class, it seems like he's just trying to get a rise out of you and probably doesn't actually know what he's talking about. Yes, maybe you shouldn't have lied about already having kissed but it's done and I don't think it's something you should lose sleep over. How many boys you have kissed, when you had your first kiss etc isn't really anybodies business but yours. One option you have is to just tell one of your closest friends (or at least one you trust) the truth. I personally think this would be your best option just because being truthful is the only thing that will get it all off your chest and then you wouldn't have to worry anymore...but I understand why you wouldn't want to. But would it really be so bad if everyone knew? Your other option that I can think of would be to just wait it out. When you're ready to have your first kiss, it'll happen and when it does it's really not scary at all. Sometimes we over-think things and make them seem a lot more scary than they actually are!

Feel better and try not to worry to much about it! Things have a way of working themselves out in the end
thanks! that actually makes me feel better, although, i have two friends who are not in my school and they know about this, one of them is even having the same problem! my problem is that the kids in my school are so cruel! they will make fun of everything, and i hate being in this position it's embarrassing! imagine always trying to hide something and then someone, somehow finds out, just thinking about it is unbearable.
   
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Re: So afraid of what my friends will think of me! - February 17th 2012, 05:27 AM

Well, that's good that you have a friend who can relate to what you're going through! And unfortunately you're at that age/grade when kids are going to be cruel. I always thought that was partly because most of them are ignorant and insecure about whatever they're teasing others about. When I was in high school, I hated grade 10 lol And yeah, I understand where you're coming from - I've been in similar situations before...and sometimes it can be embarrassing but usually it turns out alright! Just keep your chin up!



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Re: So afraid of what my friends will think of me! - February 17th 2012, 05:30 AM

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Originally Posted by ForgetMeNot9 View Post
Well, that's good that you have a friend who can relate to what you're going through! And unfortunately you're at that age/grade when kids are going to be cruel. I always thought that was partly because most of them are ignorant and insecure about whatever they're teasing others about. When I was in high school, I hated grade 10 lol And yeah, I understand where you're coming from - I've been in similar situations before...and sometimes it can be embarrassing but usually it turns out alright! Just keep your chin up!
THANK YOU!
   
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Re: So afraid of what my friends will think of me! - February 18th 2012, 09:22 AM

It truly doesn't matter if you've had your "first kiss" or whether you're the best kisser in school or a wart. The guys who like you probably will not avoid you like the plague simply because you haven't kissed. There are plenty of guys at that age who haven't and probably are lying about it. I'm 95% sure the guy who is teasing you likes you quite a fair bit for several reasons. First, if he wanted to tease you, he'd exploit his popularity and tell his friends and followers but he hasn't done that (if he did they would be teasing you by now). Second, in order to tease you in class without people overhearing, he has to be in close proximity to you. Either one of these cues should raise your flag that he likes you. Third, he doesn't deviate to other subjects, he intently focuses on asking questions of kissing and sex, again while in close proximity to you. Fourth, although you haven't done this yet, when you answer him by teasing, he'll increase the frequency and/or intensity of his teasing, again without making a big spectacle which you would expect from someone who wanted to tease or humiliate you.

Your next question will be why doesn't he make life simple for you and be straight forward. The answer, he's popular, you're not (or less popular) so it would be unusual and negative for him to be quite friendly with you for others to see (although in my personal opinion I'd also say being straight-forward about this takes away some of the fun and heat). If you ask him straight up whether he likes you, don't expect a straight-forward response because like many guys, he likes being in charge. In retrospect, it's pretty darn obvious he likes you but you're not seeing this as you're not "reading between the lines". If you want to get your "first kiss", perhaps it can be with him. Alternatively, you mentioned other guys like you and they're not interested because you claimed to have kissing experience, it's not the main thing they want. Since they like you, why not explore those avenues? In fact, if you wanted to tease the teasing fellow, increase your interaction with one of your guy friends and make it obvious at school. It shouldn't take long for the popular fellow to find out so when he resumes teasing, mention that you're with another fellow and see what his reaction is, be sure to say you're not a girlfriend of your guy friend, keep that door open. If he begins teasing, you should slap yourself if you still don't realize he likes you a lot.


I can rip you off, and steal all your cash, suckerpunch you in the face, stand back and laugh. Leave you stranded as fast as a heart-attack.
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Last edited by OMFG!You'reActuallySmart!; February 18th 2012 at 09:29 AM.
   
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