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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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left out :( - February 17th 2012, 05:46 PM

my roommates leave me out of things and I just dont get it. I know they have all known each other longer than me but still...its rude and it really hurts my feelings. Sometimes they invite me to things last minute but never mention it ahead of time. I feel so left out and I dont know what i do wrong
   
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Re: left out :( - February 17th 2012, 07:19 PM

When I was living with roommates this used to happen to me all the time. I know it's not a nice feeling!Most likely, you aren't doing anything wrong...and they might not realize that they're hurting your feelings either. So, I would talk to them. Calmly explain that you feel like you're left out and would really like to take part in whatever they're doing. If anything, it'll allow you to get this off of your chest. Take care and if you ever need anything don't hesitate to pm me



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Re: left out :( - February 17th 2012, 08:11 PM

Well maybe they don't have a reason; I doubt they are leaving you out of things on purpose. Like you said, they have been friends for along time so I'm sure they are just in the moment and really don't think about it.

The best thing(s) to do moving on is:
1) Start including THEM into things. When you go out, invite them aswell. They might feel the same way as you, so make sure your doing your part in the friendship.
2) Start accepting there invites (if you can) even on short notice!
3) Start socializing more with them. Instead of being in your room alone, hangout in the living room, or kitchen, or anywhere else. Put yourself out there and make yourself open to invites (and not to mention you will be building better friendships with these friends).

I cant answer why they haven't been inviting you places, but all we can do is give you alittle bit of insite of what to do from this point on to hopefully improve the friendship between you and your roommate (so you can start getting invited to places).




Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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Re: left out :( - February 18th 2012, 08:55 AM

They have a strong bond with each other due to more interactions, whereas their bond with you is, at best, weak. You shouldn't expect them to sit like a bump on a log waiting for them to tell you ahead of time about a particular event. Instead, invite them to events, take initiative and try to socialize more by discussing and doing things they like. That said, don't follow them around like a lapdog, allow your uniqueness to show. It's not rude if they don't include you in their events, they're not obligated. By telling you last minute, it shows they are trying to include you rather than completely ignore you and since they are extending the welcome mat, you should take it upon yourself to be more involved. Telling them that it hurts your feelings is a hit or miss; they may feel sympathetic and include you, or they would perceive you as a lonesome whiner, and may include you simply to please but you'd still feel out of place. I'd only tell them it hurts your feelings once you're able to know them well enough to know how they are likely to react.


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