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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
TheQuietGirl Offline
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My parents can rot in heck. - February 18th 2012, 12:59 AM

Okay... I don't believe in hell, but I'm tempted JUST so they can go there.

My dad. He yells at me for complaining or crying. He ignores when I CLEARLY say I'm depressed. He only chooses to deal with me when I'm giving him achievements to brag about to his co-workers. That's all I'm useful for to him. He also doesn't get that I am a fucking TEENAGE GIRL. I have a few fall clothes, and then winter clothes. He is CONVINCED I don't need clothes for summer. "Just wear pants all of the time". Uhm, no. I go to a private school, so I can only get away with black pants. I CAN'T wear those every day. Plus, I'll get hot. I have very little tolerance for heat (I overheat if the weather is above 45*F).

My mum is just a bitch. She is barely a parent. She won't plan ANYTHING, and it's all up to me. She never drives me to my doctor's appointments (for my permanent knee damage basically due to her, and for my concussion from falling off my friend's horse), and when I NEED to be somewhere at say, 7:30, she will leave AT 7:30. She then yells at me for rushing her.. She doesn't give a flying muffin about my day. She won't ask, she'll just ramble and complain about her job, saying she wants a new one. But the MINUTE you say something about her getting another job, she'll scream at you. I've said "You complain about your job a lot. Maybe you should look at others?" And bam, lecture and punishment. She also used to hit me when I was little, and still does a bit but is less frequent because I learned to defend myself.


I just want to be a teenager, but I can't be. NOTHING is enough for them. I'm planning on taking two AP classes next year, doubling up on Sciences and possibly doubling up on Maths. Add three sports on top of that, and I'll have no social life. But ya know, that's STILL not enough. There's more that I'm not remembering, but it's just maddening.

I'm so freakin' sick of this shit. I will NOT deal with fucking 5 year olds. I don't respect them, and they are all "we're your parents, you have to!" Um, no sweetheart, I don't. I CAN'T just respect you for your ranking in this family. You lose any respect you gain by abusing your power.

Idk what to do. I'm about to ask my dad for money for clothes, and I'm sure I'll get a lecture about wearing pants every fucking day. Dumbass.


   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My parents can rot in heck. - February 18th 2012, 06:49 PM

Wow, I'm sorry you have to deal with such hard parents.

I just want to say that we all hate our parents at some point (some more than others).

As for you dad, I think you should ask him for money, and I'm sure as you said he will lecture you. Make sure you give him all the reasons of why you need that money. Put together a case and present it too him. I know this sounds like alot of work, but with parents like these it may have to be done.

It seems like alot of these problems would be solved if you had a car, job, and a license. I'm not sure how old you are, but if you are atleast 16 I would recommend you getting your license. Once you have a license, you no longer have to worry about getting rides, and then at that point maybe you can drop a sport, and get a part time job so that you can make your own money and spend it as you please which would resolve alot of problems that you have with your mom and dad. If you are under 15-16, then your outta luck and really don't have no much of a choice but to deal with your parents.

I hope that you are around 16,17,18 so that you can look forward to maybe going to college and getting out of the house and do your own thing! Thats one thing that kept me going through my hard times with family, is just waiting for the day I get to be on my own.




Best wishes,
Chris


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I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My parents can rot in heck. - February 19th 2012, 05:17 PM

Okay, I'm sorry, but I think you're being a little harsh on your parents, here.

My dad is the same way. He expects me to deal with my problems, and learn not to complain, and to learn to keep my chin up and be happy. Thanks to him, I am. He cared for me in his own way when I was depressed, which was to tell me to stop complaining and learn to deal with things. And I have. Your father obviously brags on you to his coworkers. Damn, I dunno, but if I were you, I'd be pretty happy if I heard that my dad did that.

About the clothes? If you really need shorts, just explain to him calmly and rationally that you need them. Don't yell, or sass him, or anything. You're a teenage girl, right? Then you should learn that parents have their reasons for wanting you to wear pants all the time. Maybe they just don't want to worry you with money problems, for all you know. Maybe they can't buy you any right now. And besides, it's the dead middle of winter. You shouldn't be worrying about shorts yet.


And it sounds to me like your mother just wants you to be independent. Yes, I agree that her not taking you to doctor's appointments is pretty bad, but she may just be busy. Ask her about it next time, before jumping to conclusions and blaming her for it. My mom does the same thing, when it comes to leaving the house. Thankfully, I've past the stage where I blame my parents for everything, and even if she leaves late, I have a nice conversation with her on the way, get out at whatever place I have to, and make appropriate excuses. We get along swimmingly because of it, and because I'm confident enough to just go in places and explain the situation, I don't lose my friends' respect because of it.

You need to realize that your mom has problems of her own to deal with. You're probably not the only one who's depressed. Our moms do everything for us. They took care of us when we were small, and they care for us when everything around us seems to hurt so badly that we can't deal with it anymore. They always love us, no matter what. She just needs someone to talk to, and she sees what she thinks is an understanding friend in you.

And it's not as simple as just walking out of one job and getting another. No matter how much she quarrels about it, that job gives her a measure of security. She knows that job and the money she earns from it will allow her to continue to support her family -- mainly you, your doctor's appointments, your food, the clothes you do have, and the private school that you are fortunate to attend. I'd give anything to go to a private school.

My mom used to hit me when I was little, too. You know what? Despite everything, the pain only lasted for a few minutes, and I learned to stand up straight and tall and protect myself. I learned to listen, and I learned to respect her for it.

Oh, and if you don't want to take the extra classes and sports into your schedule -- which isn't busy at all, I guess, considering your mom won't take you anywhere -- just don't take them. Simple as that.



As a side note, anyone who reads this reply, I'm sorry, but I just can't stand to see anyone disrespecting their parents like this, nor can I stand to just read the stupid thing and move on. My parents have done a lot for me, and this girl's parents obviously do a lot for her, too. So I'm gonna say my piece.
   
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Re: My parents can rot in heck. - February 19th 2012, 05:36 PM

Aw huney, I'm so sorry. I wish you didn't have to go through this.
Remember life won't always be this way. You will start college and be able to move out. Perhaps instead of doubling over on all those classes you can find a part time job somewhere? And if not, attempt to ask your dad one more time. Personally I would have just chopped one of my jeans up into shorts lol. We don't have to like our parents but we do have to respect them for giving us life. And yes they can lose out respect and I know that from experience. But I still had to learn that even though they can be A-holes and make stupid choices cause not everyone is perfect, just be grateful they gave you life and you have a roof over your head. Oh and about your mom... If you have to be somewhere and it starts at 7:30, just tell your mom it starts at 7:00. Or depending on how long it takes to get there. That way if you tell her it starts at 7:00 and she leaves at 7:00 you'll still be on time cause technically it starts at 7:30.
I hope things get better. And here's a hug for you
Things will get better, maybe not this second but they will get better. Then you'll look back and be like wow. So long ago. Do the best you can with your parents, show them random acts of kindness and over time they will come back to you. From them. Feel free to message me, I care and I'll listen.
   
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Re: My parents can rot in heck. - February 20th 2012, 06:55 PM

Sometimes my mum is *busy*?? Ha, yeah right. She stood there as my chorus teacher YELLED at me for not showing up at a performance, and went along with accusing me of lying to her (to the chorus teacher). Why didn't I go? My mum didn't FEEL LIKE TAKING ME. She told me Chorus teacher she couldn't have taken me for work anyway, but that I never told my mum about it. Um.. I did, multiple times and got yelled at for needing a ride. She stayed home and drank all night.
If my mum wanted me to be independent, she wouldn't be hounding me every day to care and conform to what other people's thoughts of me are. I'm bordering on an eating disorder because of her [Edited].

I'm 14. So I can only have a summer job.

My dad says no to the money, because I don't need it. Idk what they hell I'm supposed to wear, but I"m so fucking frustrated right now. You don't get it. He doesn't CARE about me at all. I'm just some freakin' robot to brag about. I get YELLED at for being upset, and he DOESN'T CARE.
He says "Oh, have your mum get you something". Douchebag, you guys are divorced and you aren't paying child support. My mum spends all of her paycheck on food and bills. Where they hell are you expecting her to get the money? He makes a *lot* annually.

God I'm just so sick of this I fucking hate life right now, and I don't want to. But I can't help it.

Thanks for the hug, I really need one.



Last edited by PSY; February 21st 2012 at 09:42 PM. Reason: Please do not post calorie amounts on TeenHelp.
   
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Re: My parents can rot in heck. - February 20th 2012, 07:13 PM

Hi Abigail.

It seems like you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. There really isn't to much that I can say that will A) make you feel better, and B) solve the issue(s) you have with your parents.

With being the age of 14, I can kind of relate (to some extent) with not liking your parents. I was verbally abused as a child by my parents, and at some points physically abused, so I kinda know what it feels like to 'hate' or 'dislike' your parents (or atleast think you hate/dislike them). Yeah, at age 14, you cant do much but a summer job, which I completely understand. The only two things that I can say that might help the situation is:

1) When you have a summer job, try to save as much money as possible. Don't spend it on friends, guys, or otherwise stupid things you really don't need. Try to save it - even if its not alot. Then buy yourself things you need: clothes, and food (or other important items). Think of this as the survivor show, try to survive with the little things you have, and try to come out shining and with a smile on your face (Which I know is hard).

2) Try to stay out of the house as much as possible. I say this because it seems you are getting most upset when you are around your parents - so the more you stay out and do sports, hangout with friends, take a walk, etc, the less stressed out you should be. Also, try to avoid conflicts and problems (but don't take any garbage from anyone at the same time - stand up for yourself when needed).

Maybe if you worked out alittle like go running, or hitting a punching bag, or something like that you may get some of that stress of yourself. Stress and anger put together is something that is horrible to have to deal with - so maybe find a way to relieve it.

If you noticed, I rarely mentioned your parents in this post. Why? Because you cant change your parents. You cant change how they think, act, or treat you. You simply cant. They will do what they want to do, and you cant do much to change that. This post is addressed to you, and what you can do. Sometimes we have to let go of things we cant change, and then begin to change ourselves for the better so we can get around those problems and people who make life harder. Yes, the situation you are in sucks, but let it go, and then take these steps and other steps given to you and try to better yourself for the upcoming year(s). If you cant change something, your just wasting your time. The only thing you can change is yourself, the things you do, and how you react to issues/problems.




Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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