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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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anonymouse307 Offline
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Question Friend trouble, please help... - February 22nd 2012, 10:32 PM

First of all, I'm definitely heterosexual. I know I am because I don't find anyone other than guys truly attractive. The thing is, I feel like I'm starting to like my friend who is a girl, like me. However, I only really like her because she's almost exactly the same as a guy that I honestly love, but can never seem to reach. I don't find her, as herself, attractive. I only feel attracted when I think about how like him she is. I feel so wrong about this, almost like I'm using her. I thought it would be wise to get help before I end up doing something ridiculous and stupid. So, what should I do?
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Re: Friend trouble, please help... - February 23rd 2012, 02:28 AM

Try your best not to think about him when you are around your female friend, but if you cant, then these are your main options:

1) Continue the way that you are going now - and hope that you do nothing 'ridiculous and stupid'.

2) Try to avoid your female friend and try to move on and build new friendships with people who don't remind you of this guy.

At this point, I don't think you need to end your friendship with your female friend - but I think eventually that someone needs to go, either this female friend, or the guy you like. Why? Because you said that this guy has always been out of your reach - so if you keep him around and try to be with him, chances are you may build up more feelings for your female friend which can cause problems. If you get rid of the guy you like (and get over him), then hopefully you can continue your friendship with this girl. I think it will be EXTREMELY hard to have both people. So I think this will get to the point where you will have to pick and choose.

I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
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Re: Friend trouble, please help... - February 23rd 2012, 10:28 PM

They may be similar in many ways, but I'm sure they're also different in some fundamental ways (aside from gender). Why? Because your friend is not your crush. She is a unique person. She is not simply a female clone of your crush. I know that you know that, but it may help to tell yourself that over and over again, finding ways in which she's different and unique as a person.

I would also focus on gaining closure with your crush. Do you feel he is unattainable because you've never asked him how he feels about you, or is he unattainable because he's in a relationship/told you he wasn't interested in the past? If there is still some uncertainty (because you've never actually talked to him about the possibility of dating), then TALK TO HIM. If you know it will never be possible to date, though, you need to start letting go of this idealized image of the perfect boyfriend and accept there will be other fish in the sea. Yeah, he's probably amazing, and you'd probably be happy with him. There's no reason why you couldn't find someone else who would be equally (if not more) amazing, who would make you equally (if not more) happy than he would.

So there are two components to resolving this issue. One is to see your friend as separate from your crush, and the other is to resolve your feelings for your crush. It's not going to be easy, but the sooner you can start working on all of this, the better. =) Good luck!

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