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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Unhappy Difficult dad - February 23rd 2012, 01:15 AM

I know that may people dislike their parent at some point but I think that mine father or dad might be more in the crazy area then misunderstood.
You see my father mentally messes with me.

I mean when every I do anything even slightly wrong I get in so much trouble it's not even funny (I once was camping and wanted to make my marshmellow black, so I could have the googy center and he got mad that I don't cook it like him so it's golden brown . Making him mad at me yelled and ranted and then he stormed off). Or when I was smaller he would scare me into odeying him ( he told me and my sister at the age of 4 and 7 when my mom was not looking that if by mistake we cause each other to lose a limb or eye, he would dump the one who caused it on the street and have his family pretent we don't exist!).

Not to forget to mention he disowned me for one of his tools that I didn't even know of ( or touched) going missing! Telling me I was not his child and that I was my mothers kid, and what ever I do is none of his concern, and don't even call him dad or talk to him again.I mean I am not a bad kid , I mean I get great grades, I never been in a fight, or got in trouble, and I get awards. So for the week that follows I don't talk to him and I stay away from him, thinking that he would leave me alone and be happy right? But instead he asks me why I am mad at his and not talking to him...... But later if anything I do is not to his liking he goes on about how I am not his kid, and late rif I win an award or and complimented by someone he takes credit for it.

I know that as a little kid I got really messed up from him, because of his befiefs and ideas. Growing up he tryed to make me believe that all [Edited by PSY: Removed specific racial group in order to avoid triggering other members.] will kill me ( seriously thats what he told me!). Or his belief that you should spank or hit your kid to make them obey you, along with his almighty belief that kids should be seen but NOT heared. Also he would pretent he was leaving us, make me cry. Then in the morning go to a coffee shop or sleep in the basement and make me think that he was really gone ( he did this so many times that now I don't care if he leaves anymore!). And he now can't understand why I don't feel pity for him any more, or why I don't take his side when he complains about my mom or sister ( WHICH IS THE ONLY THING HE WISHES TO TALK ABOUT!).

So growing up I was told not to talk, and do only what he says ( mostly cook all his food for him and serve him. Of course my mother believed differently and would fight with him on the issues ( she's the reason I am an okay and not a really messed up child), which would result in my dad to start throwing things like plates or books, or anything really.

At the moment my dad things that me and my mother are ploting against him, and thinks that when ever we are laughing ( having fun) , that we are making fun of him. Also he will say one moment to my sister face ( since she moved out, and forgot most of the mean things he done) that she is the only nice person to him. Then when she leaves starts saying shes a b****!

I just can't stand my dad, and whenever he is near I get mad and angry at him since my dad is usually sick and will claim that I will make him cry or have a heart attack, if I ever tell him how I feel in the slightest. I mean even when I am beign nice he thinks I am yelling at him or being mean!

Once one of the pet birds water botttle fell off the cage, and I never notice and at the time a was to short and little to do anything if I did notice. Anyway the bird died ( it was about 30 years only anyway, 15 years past its expected life span), and my dad told me that he would KILL me ( beat the s*** out of me) if another bird died like this. I know that this was not and understantment because all my life he cared more for the birds than me( he never cared if I got hurt as a kid , but he would feed the bird all kids of treats and friuts) and he told me this dead serious when my mom wasn't home.

Overall I want to know if I am a bad person becasue I don't like my dad, and I am happier away from him. And if there is anything I can do, to help the problem I have with him

Note: Because of debts he ran up, my mom can't spit up with him.

Last edited by PSY; February 23rd 2012 at 11:38 PM. Reason: Removed specific racial group in order to avoid triggering other members.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Difficult dad - February 23rd 2012, 11:24 AM

You're not a bad person in any way. My father and I have occasional arguments but 99% of the time we resolve it peacefully. I'm not sure I would say your father is manipulative because there doesn't seem to be any goal he's trying to reach through his mind games. Instead, it seems he plays mind games, perhaps just for amusement and shows an extraordinarily high ego, perhaps to the point of narcissism. Normally I'd say it would be in the best interest of the family for him to see a psychiatrist but I have a feeling nothing good would come from it because he would likely behave and portray himself as a normal healthy father. Unless the psychiatrist can see through the potential lies or you provide audio-video evidence, it wouldn't go anywhere.

More often than not, narcissists are very hard to deal with and there's not much you can do. Your choices are either play mind games in return (I don't recommend it as it seems you have little experience and he has quite a lot), leave as much as possible, side with him to polish his ego for certain issues, intentionally provoke him (again don't recommend as it leads to manipulation which you probably have little experience with), get someone else who is more skilled at manipulation and won't back down when he gets angry (he seems to be mostly words no action), don't back down from him as it only affirms he can play mind games with you or try to have him see a psychiatrist.

I can rip you off, and steal all your cash, suckerpunch you in the face, stand back and laugh. Leave you stranded as fast as a heart-attack.
- Danko Jones (I Think Bad Thoughts)
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