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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Name: Annabel Lee
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Unhappy My friend makes me feel horrible, but... - March 31st 2009, 03:03 AM

I have this friend who has made many negative comments about me. She's called me ugly, said my hair looks awful and that my skin is terrible, makes fun of the things that are important to me (like love) and most recently said i'm "never going to get any." Each and every time, she deflects it by saying it was a joke.

When she said that to me, it was the final straw. I came home and broke into tears, because I was worried she was right and that was what everyone thought. I told her that I would not forgive her this time, and she just accused me of being over-sensitive. She doesn't even care about how I feel.

Here's the problem. There's another girl who used to be my friend, but now totally hates me. She really wants to alienate me from the rest of my friends. The one i'm hurt by now - let's call her Amelia - still hangs out with her sometimes, and is already chatting up a storm with her. This girl who hates me, let's call her Lisa, has already turned one of my friends against me - she came up with a bunch of lies about me, and he believed every one. We're a fairly small group. If she wins Amelia over, then all she'd need to do is take one or two more of my friends and her goal would be accomplished. She'd alienate me.

I don't want to be around Amelia anymore, because she makes me feel so horrible about myself. I've told her that she will not be forgiven. If I go ahead and act like i've forgotten it immeadiately, i'll be a fake and she'll never take me seriously again, plus i'll still have to deal with her insults. If I stop hanging with her, Lisa will have another ally, and Amelia could persuade the rest of my friends to believe Lisa's lies and turn on me.

If there was a way to have Amelia take me seriously after this, maybe I could pretend. But I can't stand the thought of her thinking this behavior is okay - and showing her how bad it makes me feel doesn't work. She's a cold bitch and doesn't care about how I feel.

So, everyone... what should I do? Is there any way I can pretend to both still be her friend and have her take anything I say about the matter seriously?
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Jessielove Offline
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Re: My friend makes me feel horrible, but... - March 31st 2009, 07:44 AM

Someone who makes fun of you in that way, isn't a friend. Even if it's "just a joke." it's something most people take to heart. We normally all have a friend who's like that. If it's a joke or not, it still hurts and you don't deserve to be put through that. You shouldn't stay friends with someone who does this to you. And if your friends leave you, they're not real friends. A real friend would stay no matter what. Try to make new friends, easier said then done, I know, but join a club at school or some local club. It'll be way better for you.


When you fall, don't always expect someone to pick you up. Do it yourself, you're stronger then you think. Brush yourself off and keep your head high.

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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: My friend makes me feel horrible, but... - March 31st 2009, 01:53 PM

Annabel,

i agree with what Jessie said. Someone who says all that, has no sensitivity for your feelings and is in no way a friend

you have to tell your other friends what she's making you go through. Because you know, NO ONE deservea to have bad things said about them in any way, ESPECIALLY in this case. You have to tell them the truth that if she can turn them against you, she can turn ANYONE else against them, too.

On the other hand, I'm sure there're much better friends that that girl over there, because i know that in these world, there're certain special people who will understand and care for your feelings in such a warm way, warm alone isnt just enough to describe it Once you find those friends, i can bet everything that they will see you as who you are, and they will be IMPOSSIBLE to be turned by other people against you. You deserve people like that, and i know you do

in case you need any other support, remember i'm always up for helping


Those who have went through more pain than everyone else, and want to protect anyone and everyone they know and care for from that pain, are stronger than everyone.

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Re: My friend makes me feel horrible, but... - March 31st 2009, 02:08 PM

I agree, Someone who talks about to you like that is not a friend. And just imagine if the stuff she says to YOU is so bad, imagine what she's saying behind your back. Not worthy of friend material.

& i know it may seem like Lisa is turning every one against you, but only you can push friends away, if someone changes their opinions on you based on what some one else says. Not friend worthy.
Just know you always have a friend within me


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Re: My friend makes me feel horrible, but... - March 31st 2009, 03:50 PM

That is not a friend at all. You tell your friends that if they really choose to believe all those lies without any proof and without letting you have a say in what's going on, that they aren't good friends at all either. Point out how funny it is that this is all of a sudden being brought to their attention out of nowhere. That's ridiculous. I think you should find friends who will make you feel good about yourself and friends who will love you for who you are, because that group you're hanging out with is just a bunch of toxic and pathetic people. You're much better than that.
   
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Re: My friend makes me feel horrible, but... - March 31st 2009, 04:01 PM

Put these 'friendships' down to experience. If someone doesn't make you feel good about yourself then don't be with them. It's as simple as that. I was in a similar situation about 2yrs ago and its hard to see out of it, but take a step back and you'll realize there's probably lots of other girls that would be great friends and that would appreciate having you around. You deserve better, and better is out there waiting for you i promise. Dont give them the satisfaction of having someone as nice as you hang around.


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Re: My friend makes me feel horrible, but... - March 31st 2009, 10:18 PM

Hi there, Annabel Lee,

I think the other users on here got this situation just right- friends that treat you that way are not friends. If you have told this friend that their comments hurt your feelings and they continue, then they aren't being a friend, they are being a bully. Do not go back to this person and make excuses to. They were not treating you fairly and do not deserve your friendship in return.

As for that other girl who is making up lies about you, I'd suggest ignoring her comments and still spending time with your friends. Your friends probably know you well enough to tell that what this girl is saying isn't true. If you are still worried, though, then I think you should consider talking to your friends about this and letting them know that this girl has been lying about you. Tell them to not think twice about it and that it isn't true. If your friends don't believe you or go to this girl instead, then I think they fall under the 'not friends' category as well and I think it would be a good idea to find some people that appreciate you for who you are.

Don't believe what those people have been saying about you. It sounds like they aren't being very nice, and I'm sure that will go against them in the future. Try to find some friends who will be there for you and who like being with you.

Feel free to PM me any time if you want to talk
Nat.


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Re: My friend makes me feel horrible, but... - April 1st 2009, 03:01 AM

I would say stop being friends with Amelia... true friends don't say that kind of shit about eachother. I know exactly what it's like, you can tell when someones joking or not. She's using that stupid excuse so she can be blunt but not start drama or whatever.

You don't want all your friends turned against you... well if one or two people can turn all your friends against you just by talking shit, they aren't real friends. Get new ones. Why waste your time hanging out with bad friends? Once you have new friends you can ignore those awful girls and get on with your life.



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Re: My friend makes me feel horrible, but... - April 5th 2009, 08:33 PM

someone that does that to you in the first place isnt a friend. mean girls goal is to mess with you and get mad so this might be hard but if you pretend like it doesnt bother you they will eventually get bored and move on to the next person. As for those two girls taking away your friends, it shouldnt work if they are truely your friend they will know its not true and they wont believe it. anyone who believes them if this happens is not your friend and their not worth your time. so if this does happen it will give you an opportunity to see who your true friends are hope things get better! pm me anytime
   
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