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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Verità Offline
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I feel really awful - March 4th 2012, 02:04 AM

Alright, well I have two friends, who we'll call N and M. The backstory goes: M has been crushing on my friend N for the longest. N took M to her sophomore dance last year, but nothing happened and she said she wasn't sure if she felt romantically attracted to him. This year, M asked N to his prom, and then on a date for today. N accepted, but texted me afterwards telling me she feels awful because M is really nice and sweet but she only likes him as a friend. I offered the advice that she not lead him on, as it's unfair to both of them to be in that situation.

However, I was just talking to M, who is really excited about how his date with N went and was telling me his plans for a second date, which I know will never happen. I just feel terrible for pretending to be so excited with him and telling him things like how soon he can ask her on the second date when I know they won't be together much longer. He also knows that N is my best friend, and he'll probably know that she came to me for relationship advice concerning the break-up.

I'm just worried because M will be so depressed when N dumps him, and I'm not sure if I'll be able to cheer him up, and I feel terrible because they're both really good friends of mine, and I just feel like I'm hiding things from M and I feel awful. :/


’Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the [mome raths] outgrabe.
   
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Re: I feel really awful - March 4th 2012, 02:28 PM

I've had a similar situation myself, exept the guy never had a chance from the start. M will understand your situation and if he doesn't things will cool down pretty quick and he'll get over it. So my advice? Just don't worry about it, but be sure to keep encouraging N to stop leading M on.
   
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Re: I feel really awful - March 4th 2012, 04:25 PM

I think that its time you tell N to just break up with him now. It's time to stop the playing, the flirting, and the teasing, and just tell him the truth. The longer she waits, the worse it will be and you need to make sure she is aware of this. I think you also need to tell her that one on one things - usually mean that person likes you. So don't accept one on one invites, if you don't like the person back (because that alone is leading him on).

As far as the M thing - I think that you should lay off the relationship advice for the time being. As you said, he knows you are best friends with her - thus he knows that you will know if she is going to break up with him, so talking to you is his reassurance of the situation. Don't give him relationship advice - because that will be leading him to believe that there WILL be a second date - even though there wont be. It seems like you are leading him on to your best friend way more than she is leading him on. I know you are friends with both people, and I'm not saying be mean about it - but it would be best if you just said simple (and right to the point) things (when he talks about her).




Best wishes,
Chris


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I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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