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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Unhappy I have no idea... (my mom) - March 7th 2012, 07:02 AM

This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of self harm, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread might therefore not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.

Honestly I have no idea what to do anymore. I've dealt with this for about a year and I dont want to have to deal with it anymore. My mom hurts me. A lot. She's always saying different things, contradicting herself, basically putting me down and making me feel worthless. I dont know if thats her intent, but thats how it comes out. It's all very confusing but I'll try to give you guys a few examples.

This summer, I have been given the oppritunity to travel to china with a group called me to we, and help out kids etc etc. I have to raise $4000, but I made it very clear that my mom will not have to pitch in/help at all. She was fine with that. I have come to $3000 as of now and I still have plenty time to raise. I was proud of myself, and I showed her my fundraising efforts kind of thing.

All she did was put me down. Say how I don't deserve the trip, how I'm never gonna make the extra 1000, etc. I was pretty devestated. So then, she tells me to snap out of my depression because its having a negative effect on everyone around me, and my family doesnt deserve having to deal with me, whatever. THEN, in a completely different mood, she goes "So, tell me more about your trip? Are you excited? Give me details!" And when I don't talk to her, she gets all sad, like "What am I gonna do with you? You don't even talk to me anymore. You have to love me, im your mom! Its so sad when you treat me like this!" and she literally goes into her bedroom and cries for 30 minutes. Really loudly. This leaves me just completely confused. I have no idea what she wants from me? She thinks its ok to be mean to me, then expects me to be all everythings perfect to her? SO then, after her 30 minutes, she comes back up and says "I'm sorry, you're right. your a teenager you dont have to talk to me anymore, i get it. but just know that I love you even if you dont love me."

like ??? whaat? And this is not PMS/Menopause whatever, this whole episode happens at least once a week and its been happening for half a year to a year. It makes me feel so bad about myself sometimes I honestly just think, that it would be for the better if I died because my family could finally be happy without me. I've self harmed in the past but stopped, and everytime this happens it just gives me that same urge to cut myself again.

She has my dad on her side too, so he's all "You need to be nice to your mom," whatever. Is there something I'm missing here? Am I being a complete bitch and just not realizing it? I just want answers because my mind is spinning trying to understand this. ;/

Last edited by Chris; March 7th 2012 at 08:34 PM. Reason: Added: Triggering (SH): title
   
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Re: I have no idea... (my mom) - March 7th 2012, 01:38 PM

Welcome to being a teenage with parents! I don't think there is anything more confusing in life than Parents when you're 14-18.

What your mom does, is called giving back-handed compliments. She'll say nice things, but mean another. "Is that a new shirt? What happened to the one I gave you?" Kind of thing.

Maybe she is worried that she doesn't want her 14 year old daughter to go to the other side of the world. ^^;

Either way, parents will be parents.
   
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Re: I have no idea... (my mom) - March 9th 2012, 12:12 AM

Unfortunately, I don't know enough about your mom and your relationship to venture a guess. You said your mom isn't experiencing PMS/menopause, but she could be going through something else that's causing her to feel depressed/isolated/unwanted. If she's feeling that way, then it's understandable that she would try to reach out at some times, and push you away at other times. She wants that connection with you, but she's afraid of being rejected, so she hurts you before you can hurt her.

Have you ever talked to her about how difficult it is to be open with her when she's going from one emotional extreme to another? If not, I'd ask if you could have a "mother-and-daughter heart-to-heart." Approach her with love, not criticism. She needs to feel like you genuinely care about her and your relationship with her, and aren't having this conversation just so you can put her down. I know it's annoying to act this way when you don't particularly feel like being "loving," but trust me, that will go a long way with your mom. She'll be much more receptive to what you have to say, this will allow her to understand where you're coming from, and hopefully she will reflect upon her behavior/emotions and be more aware of how this affects your relationship in the future.






   
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