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danman Offline
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I really need help talking to my dad about my punishment (very long story) - March 11th 2012, 08:20 AM

In December of 2010, when I was 16, I got caught smoking marijuana with two of my friends. *We were in a parking lot and a police car rolled up and questioned us, took our names, and due to the very small amount we had he had us call our parents to come pick us up. *We got very lucky not getting charged, but I knew I was in for it much more than my buddies because their parents were more open minded about smoking cannabis due to their knowledge on it not being a very harmful drug*and experience with the drug in their past. *My parents on the other hand, are a different story. *We moved here from a very small town in Bosnia in 1996, when I was two. *Neither of them have ever smoked marijuana because of the fact that its presence is very rare in our homeland area. *The culture over there is one of drinking alcohol, and it is widely accepted among teens to the point that you can drink at a bar if you look 16. *Their very minor knowledge on pot, combined with the fact that it is illegal, gives them the mindset that one who uses it is killing themselves and throwing their life away. *Now, before I chose to smoke marijuana, I did rather extensive research on it (reading articles, watching documentaries, etc.) and came to the conclusion that even though it is illegal, I would give it a try because I think it is important to have knowledge and expanded horizons for future occurances. Also I heard that it was fun. *I started to smoke the summer before my sophomore year and it became something to do with my friends a couple times a week, some weeks more but usually spaced out longer due to the fact I didn't have a job and my parents rarely give me money. *This trend continued into the school year up until the day we were caught. *After my dad picked me up and we got in the car, he told me that I was going to wish I was never born. *My dad is a very strict person and I was expecting this. *He told me to never ask to go anywhere with friends until I was done with high school. *For the rest of the semester, I was forced to walk two miles to and from school in the Iowa winter. *After the next semester started, I got a job close to my house and would work a few times a week. *I started to feel very lonely because I would just come home, do my homework, do my chores, and then have time to myself. *I would say I actually used my time wisely, getting things done and being productive, but sometimes I needed a break. *I couldn't go anywhere and I eventually got tired of doing the same things over and over so I would just sit by myself and think about things. *I got very frustrated because I have trouble talking to my dad about how I feel because he is very controlling and aggressive in conversation and I would get tripped up and not be able to explain how I actually felt. *This was intensified even more due to the fact that we speak Croatian at my house, but having been educated in English it is much easier for me to intellectually speak about my thoughts in English, but he is never really up for that because he is better with Croatian. *The loneliness continued throughout the rest of the school year, having to talk to my friends at school about what they were all doing together but then having to go home to isolation. *I started smoking weed again in April, not often, but just by myself when I was home alone sometimes. *I felt like there was no way that my situation was going to get worse (yes I know very conceited seeing as how blessed I am), and smoking weed helped me forget that I was becoming distanced from my friends due to the lack of time I spent with them. *This angered me because I never smoked weed to escape my problems until after I got caught, and I was becoming what I didn't want to be. I finished my sophomore year and went through the whole of summer being at home and doing lots of work with my dad and also working at my part time job, occasionally purchasing some marijuana if I ever got the chance which was rare considering I couldn't leave the house alone. *Junior year started and the only places I was allowed to go was to the football games on Friday nights, but my mom would have to be in attendance so I wouldn't do any criminal things as my dad calls them. *My dad finally started gradually letting me go places around Christmas time, and by February I had finally started regularly hanging out with friends. We smoked sometimes, but I would only purchase any about once every month because I no longer had my job. *I know that buying and smoking weed is probably the dumbest thing I could have done because of the fact that I had just been grounded for a year, but I feel like it was a result of an ineffective style of punishment because I hadn't made any progress in changing who I was since all I could think about was loneliness. *A week ago, a day after I had been given by my friend a very small amount of pot about the size of a nickel, my dad wanted to fix one of my closet doors unexpectedly and I had just put it in a hiding spot only visible if you really get into the closet and look up on top of the frame. Unfortunately he did, and for this tiny chunk of pot he made me pack up my stuff and kicked me out. *I spent the night at a very close friend's house down the street and the next day I wasn't planning on going home, but my dad picked me up from school and took me home. We got into an argument that involved him trying to take my ipod (which I use to text off of wifi because he doesn't trust me with a phone), but when I wouldn't give it to him since I bought it he tried to hit me with a wooden rod. He missed but eventually forced my iPod away from me. He told me to never ask to go anywhere without him or my mom, and that my criminal friends do not exist in my life anymore. I feel like his image in his head of when I buy weed is someone with a gun telling me to give them money and that all I do is get high and that my friends are hardened criminals. *After this fiasco he acts insanely friendly but I can't focus on being friends with him now because he has established this dictatorship based on false premises. *I am very afraid now because I am going to go into a repeat of 2011 which was the worst year of my life, and I need help explaining to my dad that grounding me for an unnecessary amount of time does not help me become 'normal' which is what he says he wants me to be, it actually prohibits me from having a normal lifestyle and makes me feel more socially awkward because I am not growing in friendships with him or people at school. This may temporarily urge me to stop smoking but it isn't accomplishing anything except for making me want to harm myself because I begin to feel worthless and lonely, but he thinks when I say these things I am just looking for an excuse to go out with my criminal friends and do our criminal activities. *I can't go down this road again but this being the second time I am clueless as to how I can ease his stubbornness and to stop jumping to his extreme conclusions.*
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leahchica(: Offline
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Re: I really need help talking to my dad about my punishment (very long story) - March 12th 2012, 01:11 AM

Parents can be so ignorant when it comes to our side of the story :/ Is there somewhere you can move when you turn 18? If so, you only have a while left before freedom (: Are you able to confront him about how you feel about him acting insanely friendly even when his rules aren't ?
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danman Offline
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Re: I really need help talking to my dad about my punishment (very long story) - March 12th 2012, 04:23 AM

Well I forgot to mention he's not friendly constantly, but it's almost as if he is bipolar. One moment he is condemning me and the next he is talking like we are best friends. It messes with me too because I want to be his friend but then when he is yelling at me right after I start to think what the heck how am I supposed to act. And to make matter worse, he just lost his full time job about a week ago so basically we are all in crabby moods and I can't even go talk stuff over with any of my friends. I could at school but too many people eavesdrop. I could move away but I want to stay until I graduate because I have a three year old brother who I want to teach as much as I can before I go to college (if we can afford it). I want to teach him because both my parents are sort of uneducated and they don't seem to put much effort into exercising his little brain. He is one of my blessings because he keeps me going. It's like I get to influence someone so he doesn't have to be miserable a lot of the time Like I am.

Edit: sry for all of these long paragraphs but this is the first time I have fully been able to explain myself to anyone. I kept checking for a reply haha.

He's not even letting me go to soccer tryouts today why does he think this type of stuff is making me better he'll see.

Last edited by Chris; March 12th 2012 at 09:42 PM. Reason: Added info from an 'update' post (combined two posts).
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