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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Unhappy My family. - March 12th 2012, 05:56 AM

I'm having a really hard time coping with problems in my family.

I grew up in a christian fundamentalist family and home town. I struggled with being sexually confused all the way from middle school through highschool, until I finally came out as I left for university, by bringing home a girlfriend. My dad FLIPPED, saying this isn't how I was raised etc, that I'll go to hell, and to this day refuses to let me come back home, and does not want me to talk to him. Yes, I've talked to my mom, but she just goes along with anything he says.

Recently he was in the hospital due to heart complications, so my sister texted me about it, and I drove down to visit him in the hospital, thinking this would be a situation where he may be alright with seeing me... He wasn't. He started yelling at my mother thinking it was her, I just left feeling like complete and utter shit.

My main problem though is that he recently found out my sister has been texting me, and she's getting flack for it right now, I just feel terrible, like I'd have been better off not coming out, it would've been better for the whole family etc.

tl;dr I feel like shit, and I'm not sure what to do. I've made life at home for my sister a living hell and have torn my family apart.
   
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Re: My family. - March 12th 2012, 07:39 AM

Correction: your FATHER has made life a living hell for your mother and sister. Not you... him. Being a lesbian does not give your father the right to be an abusive jerk. He may be upset, but hey, that's life... "bad" stuff happens all the time. How he decides to handle that is up to him, and him alone. If he's going to handle it poorly and tear the family apart, then that is in NO WAY your fault. He is in control of his actions.

Furthermore, your mother and sister are in control of their actions as well. If your mother continues to live with this abusive man, then that is HER choice, not something YOU did to her. If your sister continues to contact you, then that is HER choice, not something YOU did to her.

All you can really control is what goes on in your life - not your father's life, not your mother's life, not your sister's life - your life. Everyone will react differently, and you can't blame yourself if things go awry for them. They made their choices - you didn't force them into doing anything against their will, so you are in no way responsible for the consequences they may suffer.







Last edited by PSY; March 12th 2012 at 07:45 AM.
   
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Re: My family. - March 12th 2012, 05:29 PM

I know we already discussed this last night, but I just feel like you need to hear it again. None of this is your fault. Listen to what I'm saying, you did not cause any of the problems at home. It's not like you went out and did any of this on purpose. Your sexuality you can't control. It's who you are. Your Father is being extremely stubborn & ignorant to make you feel this way. He's also taking it out on your family at home, which isn't fair. To me though, your Mother should be sticking by your side more. I understand she's married to the man, but you are her daughter. Some support would be nice. As for your sister, this really isn't fair to her by any means. She's just making sure you're okay, and that's extremely nice. Your parents and her need to figure out the best way to handle all of this at home. They need to discuss how to get along better.

I'll sit here and reiterate the fact again that none of this is your fault, and you shouldn't blame yourself. I hope over time your Father sees how amazing you are, and doesn't judge you on your sexual orientation.

I'm always just a PM away if you ever need me, beautiful <3




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