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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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My mom want's me to be like my sister.. - March 14th 2012, 02:50 AM

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Well my sister is a cheerleader who get's good grades and has a job.But I'm in band and choir I get ok grades and I can't get a job because I'm not old enough yet. But my mom always goes to my sister's cheer things and never goes to any of my concerts. My mom always says "why can't you be like your sister." And it hurts me when she say's it because I already feel unloved and she isn't helping. I just don't know why my mom always wants me to be like her. I hate my sister for being my mom's perect.... I don't wanna be like my sister. I already have enough problems I don't need my mom telling me that. It makes me feel worse.


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Re: My mom want's me to be like my sister.. - March 14th 2012, 06:36 AM

Hey ,
I'm sorry things haven't been okay. You don't need to be like you sister. You just need to be yourself. Maybe your mum doesn't know that her words are hurting you this much? Try talking to her. Tell her that you have your own talents and individuality. I mean come on, you are in a band! That's so awesome! Tell her that you feel unloved and underestimated by her words. Most probably she would understand.
Hope everything sorts out.
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Re: My mom want's me to be like my sister.. - March 15th 2012, 12:34 AM

In addition to talking to your mom, it might not be a bad idea to talk to your sister. I mean, I'm sure she doesn't want you to feel inferior because you're not a cheerleader like her! She's doing what she loves, and I'm sure she wants you to love what you're doing, too. She may seem like your mom's "favorite," and that may feel good to her, but I'm sure she doesn't want to enjoy that favoritism at your expense.

Of course, you can't just tell your sister, "You make me feel like crap because you always seem better than me." I'm sure your sister has insecurities as well, and saying something like that could come across as very insensitive. Instead of focusing on your sister's life, focus on the relationship you have with your mom vs. the relationship your sister has with your mom, and how it seems like your mom doesn't give you the same amount of attention that she gives your sister. Perhaps your sister will acknowledge this and agree to support you when you talk to your mom. My friend actually did that once with her sister - and the sister ended up telling their mom that she needed to start going to my friend's events as well, otherwise their relationship would suffer and she'd be losing TWO daughters! It had a huge effect on the mom, and the sister was glad she could advocate for my friend.






   
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