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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Question What to do about this so called friend? - March 14th 2012, 10:28 PM

So, I have know this person for a while, but we just never talked.
Well, we happened to both be at a camp out and out of the blue we just started talking. So we went walking and talked for a while about girls and who we liked and just general stuff. So after that we started texting we were texting for about 2 weeks, and we became like almost instant good friends supposedly. Then one Saturday he just stopped talking. I would send a text a get a one word response. It has been a week and nothing. So I didn't text for about 4 days then decided to text again, but still the same thing. Normally he would text first, but now nothing. We didn't fight or anything, and everything was going fine. So what happened? this is the first time I thought I made a true friend, but I guess not. We were telling almost everything too. Should I ask what happened or would that just seem gay? This isn't the first time a friend drifted away, but seriously it's frustrating when you are trying to make friends.
   
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Re: What to do about this so called friend? - March 15th 2012, 01:41 AM

Why not send a text message along these lines?

"Hey [name], I haven't heard from you in [amount of time] and am worried something bad happened to you. Are you okay? Can you please let me know ASAP? Just a quick text is fine."

It could be that your friend is going through a difficult time, or maybe they're just busy. If that's a case, a text message like this will invite them to share what's going on with you, and you two can resume your conversation. If they really don't have any interest in continuing the friendship, you may receive a one-time message, then nothing afterward. Take that as your cue to move on.





   
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Re: What to do about this so called friend? - March 15th 2012, 02:17 AM

I agree with the above.

Alternatively, you could always just try calling and casually chatting. There's nothing bad about calling a friend to see how he/she is doing, and maybe that would open up communication again.

Good luck!




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Re: What to do about this so called friend? - March 15th 2012, 02:57 AM

It's weird though, because without me even have to ask he would just tell everything that was going on, and now I can get barely one text. All I had to say was what's up. So, I figured maybe it was something I said that made things ackward, but I don't remember saying anything weird. I have no problem if somebody doesn't want to be friends anymore I just want them to tell me what happened or if it was something I said before they leave. This is exactly why I don't make friends I can always guarantee how it is going to end.
   
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Re: What to do about this so called friend? - March 15th 2012, 03:19 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by deeman1995 View Post
It's weird though, because without me even have to ask he would just tell everything that was going on, and now I can get barely one text. All I had to say was what's up. So, I figured maybe it was something I said that made things ackward, but I don't remember saying anything weird. I have no problem if somebody doesn't want to be friends anymore I just want them to tell me what happened or if it was something I said before they leave. This is exactly why I don't make friends I can always guarantee how it is going to end.
You're making two assumptions that may not be correct:

1. You're assuming this is all because of something you said. Again, what about something unrelated to your friendship, like being busy with schoolwork or dealing with a personal problem? Why assume this has anything to do with you? That's why I suggested a text message worded in the way I described with my first message - it doesn't assume anything. If you charge in there saying, "Hey, I'm cool with not being friends, but I want to know why," then your assumption could make a perfectly good friendship end.

2. You're assuming all friendships will end in negative ways. There is no evidence that this friendship has ended. You are just assuming it has because you're not receiving any responses to your text messages. Send him a text message asking him if he's okay, if he can let you know he's okay, etc. and you'll get your answer easily enough. When you assume that people aren't responding because they no longer like you, though, it affects your attitude. If you're thinking, "They don't want to be my friend anymore," then it's going to make you say things like, "I just want to know why you don't want to be friends anymore." If you assume they're going to "leave," you're going to protect yourself emotionally, whether it's by shutting down and not letting them see your pain/confusion, or by getting angry and lashing out in some way.

That's just something for you to think about. I hope you can reconnect with your friend, because right now, I see no reason why you can't (other than your assumptions getting in the way!). =)





   
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Re: What to do about this so called friend? - March 15th 2012, 12:17 PM

Ye you are probably right. I have lost like 4 friends in the past and I went into this defensive mode, and started to think negative things about everything. I wont open up to anybody because I think the friendship will end anyways, and if somebody tries to befriend me sometimes I kinda push them away.
   
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Re: What to do about this so called friend? - March 15th 2012, 07:18 PM

Did you send him a text today? Tell him how you feel and you miss talking to him and ask him if there was anything wrong that made him stop talking to you. He could be very busy. The best way to know is by telling him what you told us except for the ''I thought I made a true friend but I guess not'' that would just leave arguments. I do want you and your friend to start talking again like in camp. It's always nice to meet a friend that's always on your side and never makes you feel left out when they hang out with someone else they get you to join along.
   
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Re: What to do about this so called friend? - March 17th 2012, 12:09 AM

I sent a text, but no response yet. Oh well
   
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Re: What to do about this so called friend? - March 17th 2012, 12:51 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by deeman1995 View Post
I sent a text, but no response yet. Oh well
I would just leave him to start texting you first but if he doesn't start texting or even try calling you and it's gone longer enough now then I would just end the friendship. Friends talk to each other their not silent.
   
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