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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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Silence - March 16th 2012, 04:38 AM

My long time friend came to my school and we were close for a while, we rekindled a friendship lost through our years spent at different schools. I was the only person he knew and i was kind of his buddy and tour guid. He trusted me with secrets and things that at a few moments were too big to handle. He tried to kill himself only a week later. He spent 3 weeks out of school two of which were spent in the hospital/rehab. After things began to go back to "normal" he continued to talk to me. As he started to find new friends of his own, friends that ran in a different circle than I, he began to fade. He doesn't talk to me at all now. He talks and flirts with my best friend and completely ignores that i'm around, even when I make an attempt at conversation. I try to pull him aside and find out whats going on, but he never talks. Suddenly I went from best friend, to .......nothing. I just don't know what else to do.

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Re: Silence - March 16th 2012, 05:42 AM

Things like this often happen. I think you should talk to him. Text him, call him, do anything but just interact with him and tell him that you always stood by his side and were his best friend. Tell him that you feel terrible when he ignores you and demand for an explanation. If he is/was a good friend, he would be decent and answer.
Hope this helps.
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Re: Silence - March 16th 2012, 11:34 PM

I'm trying to think about this situation from your friend's point-of-view for a moment.

If I were new to the school, I would definitely want to get back in touch with an old friend who could make me feel welcomed. I would be very grateful for that friendship! Since I was going through a difficult time, I would also want someone to talk to - which, in this case, was you. After ending up in the hospital for a few weeks, though, I'd probably feel a little strange - maybe embarrassed/ashamed as well - because I wasn't strong enough to be "normal." I could handle that situation in a variety of different ways. One way would be to try and forget about the whole incident at the hospital and be "normal" again. Since you already know so much about my past, talking to you would be like reminding myself of what happened, and all those negative feelings would come flooding back. If I talked to people who didn't know me that well, though, people who didn't know about the hospital and couldn't "judge" me based on my past, I might start to feel "normal" again.

Now, I could be completely off-base with that short story... but if I was in your friend's position, I could totally see myself doing something like that. Sometimes, it's easier to push the people we're close to away, because we don't want to risk true intimacy. We want to forget about the past and move on. Unfortunately, that's not very fair to you, and I do feel you have a right to tell him how you're feeling. It's also important to try and understand where he's coming from, though. Maybe he's just being a jerk and trying to fit in with the "popular" kids at your expense, or maybe something like what I described is going on.

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Re: Silence - March 19th 2012, 11:03 AM

Sometimes people move on from old friendship to a new one as they grow up or feel like they want a new life, but I think in this case it's not fair for you since you've been through a lot with him in the past and both of you were best friends, at least he should've talked to you about it or give you an explanation of his acts or whatever he decided to do.

I think instead of talking with him at school, is there another way you can talk to him? Like text, call him or online? I guess since now he's with a different circle, maybe he just doesn't want to be seen with his old friends (I know it's hurting, but some people are like that). And by asking him what happened with text, online, etc. somehow you give him less pressure and worries that he might have at school.

You might want to explain your feelings to him as well, and tell him your confusion right now. I hope everything will turn out well with you and him. Good luck!

Love is but the discovery of ourselves in others, and the delight in the recognition. - Alexander Smith

Change and growth take place when a person has risked himself and dares to become involved with experimenting with his own life. - Herbert Otto

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