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noapte Offline
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No friends - March 20th 2012, 02:57 AM

Well, I have a couple casual friends, you know, good friends but only for the class we have together. It's like no one wants to either text me or see me outside of class, and I did try (no bull) to join different activities (like 3-4) to meet different people, but it's like their responsibility ends when the club or class is dismissed.
When I was younger I didn't have a problem with not having friends, but then as I've been getting older I've realized that people really do hang out together, and that they do do things on the weekends, and I just feel excluded and ostracized from this really cool life that I could hypothetically be having. I'm not serious-depressed, but I have been a bit bummed out these past few weeks. A closer friend I had and I had somewhat of a fallout a couple of weeks ago, I've been somewhat distressed by this, although I have been doing my best to be so nice to everyone and it's like nobody likes me. I've literally been to two parties my whole life (same person) and I think I posted on here like a year and a half ago, you know, tried to carpe diem and all that stuff, but it's not enough. Yes, I've seen improvement in the past months, but I just don't know what the hell I'm going to do. Two years and I'll be out of HS and I might or might not get into a good college and I might or might not get the money I need and I might or might not have the chance to fix my HS life by making actual friends in college and it might or might not go well and I don't want to sound like a pussy but I'm kind of really afraid
So I was wondering whether you had any advice on anything
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Re: No friends - March 20th 2012, 04:07 AM

Hello, and welcome to TeenHelp! =)

I just wanted to let you know that I had a lot of those concerns when I was in high school. It felt like I was just coming to school for classes, then heading home afterward and spending all my free time alone. I was afraid that it would be the same way in college - and for the first year, it was. Truth be told, though, I didn't really try as hard as I could have. I would "join" clubs... meaning I would go for one meeting, sit in the back, avoid talking to anyone, and feel so angry/resentful afterward that I didn't want to go back. You talked about how other peoples' responsibility ends when the class or club meeting ends. Well, in a sense, it does, because at some point, you have to take the initiative. You may even have to be a bit of a nag, persistently calling/texting/greeting people in order to get invites to hang out with them. In my mind, that wasn't how the world was supposed to work. Everyone should have made the effort to get to know me, since I was the "new kid." Unfortunately, more often than not, you will have to do the pursuing.

So what happened for me? I forced myself to go to club meetings. I forced myself to smile and say, "Hello." I forced myself to stay with a group of people and "butt in" to conversations, no matter how uncomfortable it made me. With time, as people got used to my presence, they started to invest more energy into getting to know me better. The club I chose had regular activities/parties over the weekends, so I forced myself to go to those as well, even if I didn't feel like it. Again, my presence did not go unnoticed, and people started to initiate conversations (and actually continue them over Facebook/text messaging). For me, I have always been able to see a clear correlation. That doesn't mean it was easy to do, but it's a relief to see that hard work really DOES pay off in the end.

Now, I'm not saying you haven't tried. Please don't think I'm judging you or saying you've done anything wrong! High school can be incredibly difficult - people are just plain WEIRD in high school! It's better once you "grow up," but by then, many people have become discouraged and given up. They're tired of trying and trying and trying. They want other people to take an interest in them for a change. As I've said before, though, that's not how the world works. If you want to be given attention, then you have to DEMAND that attention from others by throwing yourself into conversations, regularly attending events, and really putting yourself out there until people know enough about you to know that they want to know you on a more intimate level. So while I CAN promise that you will have more opportunities in college (in the sense that individuals are more mature and secure in their identities), I CAN'T promise that making friends will be any easier in college, because ultimately, the majority of the burden will still fall on your shoulders. For the rest of your life. That shouldn't be the case once you've become close friends, of course... but when you're first getting to know a person, expect to be the one doing the pursuing.

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noapte Offline
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Re: No friends - March 20th 2012, 01:46 PM

Thank you, sir. I was actually pretty upset before I wrote this, then as I began typing, I seemed to simmer down a little bit. Maybe sometimes things aren't as bad as they seem. I genuinely appreciate your advice.
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