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Mom'S - March 22nd 2012, 04:40 AM

I'm going on a rant
My real mom keeps calling me even when I avoid answering I end up crying and breaking down. Sometimes I get the fear of looking at my phone because I don't want to see the number. Than the other part of me what's to answer to hear he voice even though she will call me things tell me to die but in my head I hear I love you and I will come back. And I cant get myself to block her number.
Than there is my step mom. She is constantly mad it's like I'm walking in a mine field trying to get passed her. I'm always doing something wrong. I wash the dishes wrong or set the table at the wrong time. I don't do my Hw long enough. I have 2 B's and 2A's and she tells me I'm not doing good enough that's good for someone who can't remeber well -__- I feel like I'm going to explode.
I can't take either of them but I don't want to lose either of them I never had a mom to give me hugs when I cried or to tell me storied. I work at a preschool every day I see those kids run up to their moms I never had that 😭




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It at war with

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Iím catching stars in the sky because I am fixing the soul within me. May it be from the heart a girl broke years ago or my soul simply repairing itself as it was shattered on my walk on this earth. May the stardust fill those cracks within my soul making me brand new, but never forgetting who I once was.


   
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Re: Mom'S - March 22nd 2012, 07:26 PM

Hey there, Coral!

I had my biological mom while growing up, but due to the verbal/emotional abuse, I don't feel like she was really a "mom" in the sense that she raised and loved me. I had a stepmom starting at age 16, but she was mentally unstable due to her unmedicated bipolar disorder. A few years ago, I gave up on the idea of ever having a true "mother figure," and I would feel sooo lonely when I saw my friends/roommates hanging out with their moms. I desperately wanted that, just like you do.

In my case, I had to adjust my expectations. I had to realize that my mom/stepmom had limitations. There was nothing I could do - THEY had to change. Unfortunately, that still hasn't happened, so I've started to look for those "mother figures" in other adults. I think I might have found one with my boyfriend's mom - she didn't raise me, but she's a wonderful, nurturing woman. With time, I'm sure you'll find someone like that in your life. It could be a future mother-in-law, a teacher, an employer/employee, a neighbor, an older friend, etc.

You said you hear one thing with your mom, but in your head, you imagine something different - a more loving message. Unfortunately, when someone says, "Go die," that's not code for, "I love you." Don't try to find something that isn't there. Again, I'm not saying things are completely hopeless with your mom/stepmom, but I think you need to adjust your expectations and be realistic for the time being. You need to protect yourself and look for that love/nurturing somewhere else. If they change, great! If they don't, then at least you didn't put your heart out on the line while waiting for something that never happened.






   
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Re: Mom'S - March 22nd 2012, 09:06 PM

Thanks Im trying to move forward forget about her because that's the only thing i can do without getting hurt




Life is too

Short to spend

It at war with

Yourself.

Iím catching stars in the sky because I am fixing the soul within me. May it be from the heart a girl broke years ago or my soul simply repairing itself as it was shattered on my walk on this earth. May the stardust fill those cracks within my soul making me brand new, but never forgetting who I once was.


   
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