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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Redangel1992 Offline
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Angry Why did she bother ? - March 22nd 2012, 11:54 PM

Hi im sara
19 years old now, i have alot going on in my mind atm so i hope you all dont mind helping me sort some of this shit out,
when iwas born given 24hours to live mother was sent home healthy after giving birth and went out on the piss, wasnt there, when i was in hospital having an op at the age of 9 she wasnt there, when i was taken off her but the Social so we couldnt see her for our own good.
well let me tell you as it is now, In november 2011, i had had beating after beating and no job as she got me fired from two by coming into work/ calling my boss, so i had nothing but i looked after her two sons while she worked then i worked for her by doing house work and looking after feeding clothing and cooking for the children, one boy is 4 the other 12, so they are both awkwad ages and sooo different, i was placed into a Refuge wich is like a safe house for abused wmen, i was on my own and couldnt see anybody, i filed a social services complaint on my mother but the social workers have said its all my fault and she is perfect, what the fuck is their point, clearly not doing their jobs!
I hate them bunch of pricks and saying that my mum is sane made me cry as i feel sorry for my siibblings, My mum has 5 children and one on the way (she is a slut) there is my older sister who is 20 still talks to her, Me who is not aloud to talk to her as she said she will kill me and beat me next time again, my brother who is 16 also canmt talk to her as she said the same to him, my other brother is 12 and he doesnt understand what the problem is as he has grown up thinking its ok to be beaten, my youngest brother (so far) is 4 he also doesnt understand whats going on as he is too young, i just feel sorry for the boy on the way.
I have so much anger and upset with all this i worry constantly about the childrea(even the unborn sprog)
I am now living with my fiance and his grandparent after 5 months in a Domestic abuse refuge it was hell and i was on my own and all i did was worry then to find out my nan hasd cancer as you can imagine the last 6 months have been hell on earth with all of this but cant get rid of the anger towards her and cant forget her, even though we dont have contact i still feel like i want her to fall off the face of the planet never to be seen again!
Had anger management and spoken to the GP's they dont know what to suggest for me, was it my fault why the fuck does she hate me ? what did i do wrong? is it my fault i was born?

What can i do to stop all this shit and try and be normal as me and my partner are strong and he loves me no matter what but i want to be normal and want him to love me for me but over the last few months i have become so eaten up with anger and upset just havent become myself,
Please help me

Edit, Also Just feel like Fiance is too good for me, i feel like i take it out him through we have been together just over three years and i cant understand why he loves me i dont feel like i do enough for him, i have very low self comfidance and very low self asstime, just cant get out of my mind that because im am so angry and upset and i take it out on him as he is the only one i have i do fear that one day i will take it to far and lose him like i lose everybody else, i love him but just dont feel like i do enough or am enough for him, i try and smile and try to be the one and only woman in the world but am affraid that one day he will want someone who isnt toatally screwed up and fucked in the head just dont know what else to sat just only have him he is litrallt my whole life i just am terrified ill lose him and he will notice there is much better out there than me as i am screwed in the head and dont know what to do about it, just want to ove him nd feel normal,

Last edited by Redangel1992; March 23rd 2012 at 12:30 AM.
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Re: Why did she bother ? - March 23rd 2012, 12:08 AM

Hello, Sara!

No, this isn't your fault. Your mother has made some terrible choices, and you did not deserve anything that happened to you - not the threats, not the beatings, not the displacement - nothing. You are entitled to your feelings of anger, frustration, etc.

I can't believe the social worker you contacted won't look into this. I would go around them - contact the police, or contact CPS and ask to speak to another social worker/the former social worker's supervisor. They are MANDATED to investigate suspected child abuse. It sounds like you have plenty of evidence to show your mother isn't fit to be anyone's legal guardian - it's just a matter of staying calm (because no one will listen if you're ranting and raving like a lunatic) and getting in touch with the right people (even if it means calling back every day until someone agrees to look into things).

Other than that, you need to work on letting go of the things you can't control. You can't control your mother, you can't control what social services does (although you can try your darnedest), and you can't change what happened in the past. All you can do is move forward and focus on taking care of yourself. Anger management is a step in the right direction, and I hope you will continue to seek help from psychological professionals and support groups (for example, dealing with the trauma of the abuse, not just the anger). You have a loving fiance and a roof over your head. You are still young, and can turn your life around. Your mother screwed up - BIG TIME - but that doesn't mean you have to suffer the same fate.

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