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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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PartyTeen Offline
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Age: 31

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Overthinking everything - March 26th 2012, 03:53 AM

I never had a girl that I would "date" with for longer period. Im not a virgin either. My friends probably think I still am. Anyhow it's nothing to brag about in my opinion.

Just telling all this because I can't seem to grab from what is causing me not being like all the others. I mean they go clubbing, take girls for longer date periods etc. I go clubbing but I can't for some reason get any further then just talking and flirting with girls since something is blocking it. Feels like Im about to "cheat". But I don't have a girl.

Seems like Im obsessed with girl who used to show she cares and wants to get closer but when I tried to kiss her then she backed off. Later when I was talking with my friend about business in a coffee shop (like starbucks with pool tables) she also showd up and then was talking in other table like on purpose with not too loud voice but just for me to also hear some of the story. She was talking like she likes me but when I attemted to kiss her then she bailed. When her friend asked why - She was like "my parents were watching from window". Right, but I saw her suprised face that was saying "no" when I made attemt to kiss her.

I have just tried to block her out of my life by not going out with friends that seemed to be helping her to get nearer to me. Instead Im working every day. Even nights and weekends. As much as getting that tired to fall asleep. Even drinked energy drinks - And when they didn't worked then coffee on top of them, killing my health to be honest. Trying to make myself think I will get faster closer to my dream (moving somewhere warm place instead of this snowy winter time). But it seems like Im using work to bail from getting hurt again.

Yes, there are girls that are trying to chase me. But I don't feel any attraction to them. For some reason in girls eyes I saw something when we first met but I can't figure out why she never let me closer to her. I did told her that there can't be any friendship between us because some things just would hurt. I have tried simply to 'be a friend' afterwards but seems like she is attempting for more but when I try something she bails.

Last time she asked for a ride to other town since I owed her a favor but I said I was ill, which I really was. After this I simply worked every day and any friend asking me out I was like 'working today sorry'. I don't really know what to do. I don't seem to see point of chasing her, would probably simply ignore any her attemt to get any closer because she always seemed like just playing around.

In other way Im also overthinking about many things but I can't help it. I'd bring an example but this story would go way too long. Like Im suspecting my friend playing along with her and in other hand him being jealos of me getting everything. So Im like confused. If I had million dollars I would give it to my friend and I know 100% he will give it back whenever I ask it. But when I drive with new Mercedes and I let him drive then he would probably hold down breake and gas at same time just to kill the car because he doesn't have one that fancy.

I started to doubt that part of trust in him after he seemed to literally start rushing chasing one girl when we had been out for longer periods and his sister told him, as I hear that if he will not hurry then I would take that girl in front of his nose. Was quite frustrating to hear that since actually I wasn't chasing that girl but she was indeed flirting a bit with me. We were like 17-18 back then. Yeah, he got that girl eventually, simply asked her for a kiss.

But as for current I doubt in him since girl I currently like - He had her laptop and he didn't wanted to give it back to her. Said that he needs one of these aswell. So when she asked it from him he said it's not fixed yet or some other false lie. Eventually I got pissed at that and told the girl shes not getting it back unless being more straight forward. Was kinda hurting to hear and see such acting from a good friend of mine.

Another friend seemed to block me after I got pissed at his one of friends trying to flirt with that girl I currently being obsessed with. He used to call me alot and invite every birthday party he had, this time not. I still think that was just another game from that girl that was previously set up with my friend. But I still can't figure out why my friends would play along with that girl more then they would be honest with me. This friend I also attemted to call along another country in about half year but he wasn't so sure about that. I infact once mentioned him that when I get asked how much I get paid then from politeness I say 2x smaller amount but actually I get that much. It seemed to hurt him since not everyone get that much around here. I never wanted to be rich or anything and as even this salary seems quite low for me and I want to go for my dream no matter what.

So Im confused, life is kinda messed up and I can't seem to have any other option then working every day and trying to forget all that. Would ask my friends for club or something just to hang around with them but deep inside I know even when there will be alot of beautiful flirting girls I simply can't for some reason get feelings towards them with one night and for longer friendships I either don't have time since planning to move less then 6 months. Without feelings I can't kiss a girl in a way that I would really like. If you get what I mean. So I don't want to hurt anyone but would like to not being so overthinking and I defnetly don't want to fall in that girls games again but would still like to keep a door open for her, which I probably shouldn't do. More then confusing..

Last edited by PartyTeen; March 26th 2012 at 04:04 AM.
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PSY Offline
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Re: Overthinking everything - March 30th 2012, 02:25 AM

Hey there! I'm sorry you didn't receive a reply sooner.

I'm not really sure what to offer as far as advice is concerned, but I do agree that you're overthinking some things. When it comes to meeting girls (whether it's as friends or potential girlfriends), you don't have to force yourself to go clubbing or behave in ways that don't feel "right" for you. I think the best relationships (platonic or romantic) result from meeting people as you go about your every day life... meaning people you encounter at school, work, social groups/organizations, etc.

You're moving soon, so I can understand why you're hesitant to jump into anything right now. I'd focus on your dreams/goals outside of relationships for the time being, and once all of that falls into place, you may meet people who have similar interests/mindsets. Hopefully, it won't feel like you're forcing yourself to do anything "wrong" in those instances.

Feel free to reply and clarify, because you said a lot of things but didn't really have a question, and that might make it hard for other members to respond as well. =)

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