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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Unhappy Is my best friend using me? - April 1st 2012, 12:27 AM

Hi! This is my first thread, I need some advice regarding some issues I have with my best friend. I love her like my sister and she has my full loyalty and support. I look forward to seeing her at school and having fun with her when we hang out. However, as of late, I can't shake the feeling that she is using me...
I haven't brought it to attention before because I don't want to hurt her or seem "oversensitive" and "attention-seeking". However, it's gotten to a point where I feel a need for help. I let her copy school assignments when she needs it (you know, just a friend helping out a friend). I didn't mind it, I enjoyed doing things for her. I figured the trend wouldn't last very long anyhow with the copying stuff. But it still continues. In the past month, I have given her my old plastic flute, given her mutliple school supplies, taken notes for her, let her copy homework, given her lunches, let her borrow my games and iPod... and she's neglected to even draw a simple picture for me that I asked her to do several months ago.
The last time she came over to my house all she did was look at comics on her computer while I sat in the background; she didn't even ask what I wanted to do. The last time I went to her house we "collaborated" on a science project; I researched and copied notes for her while she watched T.V. This was several weeks ago... Ever since when I ask her to hang out she's made excuses for why she couldn't.
She's also a little sharp with me at times... Once she came to school late and upset. Of course, I was concerned, so I asked what was wrong. She responded with, "Really? You can't even guess?" as though I were stupid I didn't know... I just cast my head down and kept quiet. Then, when I was stressed, she just said, "Well then you should just stop stressing," without even asking why I was upset. I've also been called pathetic, retarded, special, stupid, etc.
I've never really talked to her about it because I don't want her to get upset at me and I don't want to seem selfish. Is it me? If so, I wish she would just tell me what I'm doing to make her so upset. It breaks my heart so much, I admit I've cried once or twice before about it. Please give me advice on what I can do to fix what's going on. Thank you.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: Is my best friend using me? - April 1st 2012, 03:31 AM

In my view you're both to blame for this issue although for different reasons. You're to blame by continuously giving stuff to her and putting up no resistance as though you were her own personal convenience store. Helping out a friend complete an assignment is perfectly fine and giving them answers when they were in a bind is understandable. She is certainly to blame for treating you like a convenience store and being rather harsh in her responses given all the stuff you did for her. There is no doubt in my mind she is using you.

The only way to stop it is for you to put your foot down. When she asks for something, the answer is automatically no. If she asks why, then tell her truth: the friendship ended a while ago and she has been dragging you along, treating you like dirt and making you feel miserable. Even if she apologizes, it's a joke to think one petty, "I'm sorry" can make up for her actions no matter how sincere. If you have to do a group assignment, don't include her. If she asks for your phone, tell her to ask someone else or get her own phone. There is nothing left to salvage, she is at fault for demanding everything then treating you like crap. The important thing for you is to learn for the future, when your friend begins to demand stuff time and time again, don't give in.

I can rip you off, and steal all your cash, suckerpunch you in the face, stand back and laugh. Leave you stranded as fast as a heart-attack.
- Danko Jones (I Think Bad Thoughts)
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Re: Is my best friend using me? - April 1st 2012, 06:19 PM

Did she ask that she can borrow your things from you and copying your homework etc? Tell her everything what you said here and you don't deserve to be treated like this. Your a very good friend. If she treats you right and return things she has borrowed from you then that's all right. Your friend looking at comics on her computer without asking you what do you want to go on she probably felt you was okay about it of her looking at comics and didn't know you wanted go on something else just ask her what you want to go on. She should do things for you too. If she stops talking to you, seeing you, hanging with you she then be using you. When someone is upset it sometimes effects their behaviour because you have ago at someone and all they did was try and help then you regret your actions just because you was upset, bad mood. If your upset and want to talk about it to her your not selfish at all. Everyone wants friends to care about their feelings and them but I really do suggest that you should go talk to her about this and that it is getting you down allot.I can understand why you let her copy your homework and give her your food and things. You should stop giving and doing things for her when she isn't acting as a friend.

Last edited by Cassie999; April 2nd 2012 at 12:11 PM.
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Exclamation Re: Is my best friend using me? - April 2nd 2012, 04:33 PM

Hey, sweetheart! I don't know how old are you, but when I was 13 I had the same problem as you. Thankfully, now I'm in high school and I have the best friend ever.
I don't think that she uses you, I'm SURE she does it. My advice is to let her breathe alone for some time. I mean that you should pretend that she is not so important to you any more. Go out with a classmate of yours and make sure that your friend knows that you are making new friendships.
And please, don't get me wrong-this is not a revenge. Just make her realise that she needs you. Make her fear of losing you.
"Then, when I was stressed, she just said, "Well then you should just stop stressing," without even asking why I was upset. I've also been called pathetic, retarded, special, stupid, etc."-that's what you wrote.
In my opinion she is not a true friend and you should let her go. There is no danger of ruining your friendship because such doesn't exist, I think. In your life many people will disappoint you. Keep your head high, don't let anybody offense you and believe in yourself!
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