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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
The Eater of Delicious Goods
Not a n00b
himynameisnikkiiii's Avatar
Name: Nikki
Gender: Female
Location: Florida

Posts: 61
Join Date: March 21st 2011

I found him, now I'm totally confused. - April 3rd 2012, 05:28 AM

Don't get me wrong, I'm not old enough to really go about searching for my long lost family members like I'm digging for some kind of fairy tale ending. But shit, Curiosity killed the cat and honestly that cat was probably better off dead. I never knew my dad and I went an entire lifetime sitting there, fucking jealous of everyone and their parents. Even if the parents weren't together, nobody had just a mom. Everyone had a mom and a dad. I didn't even have enough time to know my step-dad before he died. It was so long ago I can hardly remember him.

The way my mom tells me, he was a low life who said there was 'No Child' on the divorce papers, mentally abused her and basically was telling me about what a giant, racial slur his family is. My older brother, who is also a half-brother told me that he and his family were just [Edited] Christians and my fathers son was retarded. I'm fifteen years old and I don't know who the fuck is right. I was thinking "There's no way in hell I'll find him." I didn't want to. I used to tell my mom he was a bad man and I never wanted to meet him.

Way to prove me wrong, Google. The exact name. He lives in the same state, in Saint Petersburg, Florida. His son, my other half-brother, has a FaceBook. My mom told me that she saw him at Lowes once. There are nearly fifty relatives of the last name Latelers- That I could find. I'm caught between a rock and a hard place, I feel as though telling my mother about what I found would only be a slap in the face. I can't decide if when I'm older I want those people in my life, but I also don't want to grow up and lose my chance.

"Happy Hunger Games, and may the odds be ever in your favor."

Last edited by Chris; April 3rd 2012 at 06:36 AM. Reason: Unneeded/possibly hurtful description edited out.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
Dr.Bobby Offline
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Age: 62
Gender: Male

Posts: 864
Join Date: September 9th 2011

Re: I found him, now I'm totally confused. - April 3rd 2012, 11:45 PM

Nikki, it's probably a good idea to sleep on this one for a while before deciding anything.

Think about your expectations here, what it is you're really after....The goals in making actual contact with your dad. Think that one thru. Then, try to super impose that on the actual chances of those goals being met, based on everything you know about your dad. Then (I know, a lot of thens!)...super impose THAT on your understanding of yourself, and your probable response emotionally. How it would likely feel, and what the benefits of that might be. And if it's worth the risks.

This LOOKS like a highly emotional decision..it is!...but it's also a very logical one, too. Try not to focus just on the feelings of finding your long lost dad here..but what the potential outcomes are of making contact with him might be, and the risks/rewards of that.

I'll give you a little help here....the same way you found him, he could have easily found you. But, him choosing not to do that says something about his motivation to have a relationship with you. You should at the very least be prepared for him to respond to you with a lack of enthusiasm. Maybe that's worth the risk for you, it surely would clarify a lot, and there's often value in that, even if it hurts a lot, too. But, you should prepare yourself for that before following thru on the leads here and making contact.

PM me with the link of the post you'd like me to respond to.
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confused, found, totally

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