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13reasonswhy Offline
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Why does she have to do this? - April 4th 2012, 12:59 AM

Tuesdays are mother-daughter days for me and my mom. We decided that before I was sent to the hospital 2 months ago. They found out 6 months ago that I was a cutter and I was suicidal, and she thought I needed more time with her. Okay, she knows I get attached to things really easily. And I got attached to the idea of me and her spending time together. But the last like 3 Tuesdays we haven't done anything. Today, she went out drinking with her friends. Drinking. On my day with her. I even had the perfect idea of what we were going to do today. And she ruined it. I said it was fine when she told me she would be back at 6. She wasnt. And my dad finally got her to come home, then she went out again. Today was supposed to be my day with her. I feel like beers more important to her than I am.
   
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Chris Offline
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Re: Why does she have to do this? - April 4th 2012, 02:30 AM

I am sorry that your mom has been letting you down.

The number one thing that needs to be done is to communicate. You need to tell your mom that you look forward to spending time with her, you love it, and since you guys haven't been doing it lately, it gets you upset. See, the thing is, your mom doesn't know what she is doing wrong if you don't mention it to her. So mention it too her! And if you feel that you aren't comfortable with saying it to her face, then write her a letter expressing your feelings about the whole Tuesday thing.

I think that after you tell her how you feel, she will be understanding and try to be more committed to the daughter and mother day on Tuesdays.


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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Re: Why does she have to do this? - April 4th 2012, 04:19 AM

I agree with Chris. If you put on a smile and say, "It's fine," then your mom is going to assume you're fine. You have to let her know how upsetting this is to you, so she can make amends. Who knows... maybe your mom is going out drinking with friends because she's having trouble dealing with the recent hospitalization and self-harm/suicidality. She may feel like she's let you down as a mother, and this is her way of escaping that feeling of failure. Reach out to her, and let her know that she can really help you out by being there for you every Tuesday (or every ____day, if that works out better for the two of you).






   
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Re: Why does she have to do this? - April 4th 2012, 04:35 PM

Cassidy, your disappointment here is really understandable! Try talking with her about this, as well as your need for her consistency here. If you're still in therapy, bring this up with the doc, maybe even have some meetings with her so you can talk with her there.

Also, you might want to talk with your dad about mom's behavior. Is she an alcoholic? Going off and drinking in the middle of the day..instead of following thru with a commitment to a daughter who was recently discharged from a hospital b/c of suicidal behaviors is bad judgment. Having a plan that involves dad is a good idea, especially if there's a cause to mom's distraction that really requires a separate intervention.


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