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Paix et Amour Offline
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high expectations/disappointed in me? - April 6th 2012, 08:21 AM

lately it just feels like my parents are disappointed in me. they constantly point out my weight, my mom gets pissed off because i dont get all A's on my schoolwork, they say im lazy, etc.

i dont live with my dad so i dont care as much about that, but my mom seems fully disappointed in me. i have no motivation to do anything because im so depressed and suicidal constantly, yet she seems to think im just lazy. i got an 85 on a test and she actually ranted for like half an hour about how i dont work hard enough and how i need to actually try. my average is a 91 and she says i have to have an A+ because im apparently smart enough to HAVE to do that well. i feel like she has way too high of expectations of me! im not that smart, im just not dumb and i tend to work hard because they make me feel like shit if i dont.

sorry i dont really know what im asking here, i just dont understand why they are like that?
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Re: high expectations/disappointed in me? - April 7th 2012, 07:05 PM

Sarah, who knows why your mom is like that. What we do know is that she is unaware of what you;re going thru and ho badly you feel. It's time to tell her!

Find a time to calmly discuss with her everything you've said here. Make sure you're not being accusatory, just talk observationally, what you see and experience, and mist importantly, how you're feelings and reacting to it. Be prepared to also let her know what you need from her...that's a big part of these discussions that most kids leave out, and where it often gets nasty. If you give her some background and then give her direction, there's a much better chance that she can understand and follow thru.


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Re: high expectations/disappointed in me? - April 7th 2012, 08:23 PM

i wish i could do that. she would just deny it, say its bullshit and that im lying and i just cant handle any pressure.
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Re: high expectations/disappointed in me? - April 8th 2012, 03:38 AM

Sarah, you'll have to have a conversation with her! Which means you have to be prepared for those kinds of responses. ("I'm not lying mom, I'm really depressed, and I need you to accept that and work with me here").


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Re: high expectations/disappointed in me? - April 8th 2012, 05:48 AM

it doesnt work. she knows im depressed, ive gone to a therapist, she can clearly see the cuts on my arm (she hasnt mentioned it but i know shes seen them) so idk. she just doesnt care
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Re: high expectations/disappointed in me? - April 8th 2012, 03:51 PM

You're using therapist in the past tense. How did you get to one? Maybe it's time to go back, however you got there in the first place?

The issues at home could be discussed in therapy, maybe even with your mom. So, maybe the first step here is to get back to therapy. Perhaps your school guidance counselor might be able to help, resistant parents often listen when outside authority is involved.


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Re: high expectations/disappointed in me? - April 8th 2012, 10:06 PM

she brought me. im not going back, it did nothing. cant talk to my mom. i go to online school so cant do that.. :/
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Re: high expectations/disappointed in me? - April 8th 2012, 11:02 PM

Sarah, I can't help you if you dismiss everything I'm saying. Unfortunately, there's no magic cure.

I'd suggest if you cannot talk with mom directly, then getting a third person involved, like a therapist, maybe a different one...is a good suggestion.


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Re: high expectations/disappointed in me? - April 9th 2012, 01:11 AM

Hi Sarah. You basically have two choices:

1) To communicate to your mother/father (using letters, phone, text, email, face-to-face, third parties, etc)
2) To not communicate to your mother/father

Either one will take time, effort, and in some cases tears. I know, you feel like they aren't accepting you, they are pushing you, they don't appreciate anything you do, or that you try hard and they say its not good enough (or things along those lines). I semi-understand what you are going through. If you don't like it, then change it. If I could come through the computer and change certain things in your life I would, however I cant. So only YOU can control what happens. Have hope - and keep trying.


Best wishes,
Chris


Chris
I hope you know that you deserve it all. The best, the most honest, the most beautiful purest love in the world. Not only to be loved by others, but to be loved by yourself. To look in the mirror and think "Yes, I'm exactly who I want to be". To speak up and be proud of yourself. To be brave and open. You deserve the nicest and most caring people to walk into your life. You deserve it all, you know. The whole world...
   
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