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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
LucyLouWho Offline
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He wants to go. I do not. - April 2nd 2009, 02:30 AM

Not only do I not want to go, but my grandmother will go nuts the entire time that I'm gone if I do go. Mathew's mother has invited us to a birthday party for his little brother in a rather large city a couple hours away.

The back-story to all of this is, his mom leaves him and his little brother to go to another state and live with her boyfriend who happens to help support her habit, yada yada yada.

Anyway, like I said, she's having a birthday party for his little brother in, you guessed it, the city she moved to. Now, let's keep in mind that his little brother lives pretty close to us and doesn't even stay with her where she's living, so even he has to drive three hours to his own birthday party since his mom won't come back here.

Well, I don't particularly want to go because the crime rates in the city itself are higher than the entire state. I'm pregnant and I don't feel very good about being in that type of place right now.

My grandmother used to live in the city where his mother is living now and she knows how it is, so she's stressing about this and really hoping that I don't go. And the truth is, if I did go, it would only be to go with Matt so he can finally see what it's all about and why everyone says that it's a bad place.

We live in a very, very small town. I wouldn't even call it a town, to be honest. And Mathew is a little country boy, seriously. He has no idea what he's getting himself into. I used to ride the truck with my Poppop when he was a truck driver to all kinds of places and I've been in situations where we had to get into the bunk of the truck (18 wheeler) because when we were sitting at the warehouse waiting to be unloaded, people were climbing up the side of the truck looking in the windows. Talk about some scary shit.

I wish he would understand. We're married, so I'd like to think that if I don't go, he won't go without me. Plus, his brother is having a birthday party near here also that he's welcome to come to.

I honestly think that it's because he WANTS to know what all the fuss is about this place and I think that since his mom moved there and left him and his little brother behind, he thinks that there's something amazing there. There's not. I've been there.

The crime rates are nuts. I looked them up a little bit ago for him. He won't be home, though, until tomorrow morning. He's working right now.

Meh. What do I do?

Edit- I'd also kind of rather not go due to the drinking and the drugs that his mom and her... room mates "brag" about to him on the phone. Again, I'm pregnant. I'd rather not.

And not to mention, his car isn't so healthy lately and she wants him to drive. On the BELTWAY. To a city that he's never been to, almost three hours away, without providing us any money for gas or anything. Gah. I just don't know.


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Re: He wants to go. I do not. - April 2nd 2009, 02:58 AM

Don't go. Just tell him what you've told us & don't go. You'd be guaranteed to be getting into a bad situation there, & like you said, you're pregnant, & that could really hurt you & the baby. Let Matt go if he wants to, but don't go. I think that it's manipulative to ask him and you to drive all that way, under the circumstances. I wouldn't fight with Matt about it, but I also wouldn't let yourself & your baby be put into danger like that.
Hope it all works out for you!


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Re: He wants to go. I do not. - April 2nd 2009, 03:07 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by flyingpancake View Post
Don't go. Just tell him what you've told us & don't go. You'd be guaranteed to be getting into a bad situation there, & like you said, you're pregnant, & that could really hurt you & the baby. Let Matt go if he wants to, but don't go. I think that it's manipulative to ask him and you to drive all that way, under the circumstances. I wouldn't fight with Matt about it, but I also wouldn't let yourself & your baby be put into danger like that.
Hope it all works out for you!
What makes me mad is she moved almost a year ago and the only time she calls him is to ask a favor of him or ask him to come there to see her. And she knows it starts trouble between us. He hasn't gone so far, why does she keep pushing it. There is NOTHING that he's missing there. I've been there before.

I really think that the only reason that he jumps up ready to go every time she calls is because he thinks that since she left him and his brother to move there, there's obviously something special about the place.

I don't want him to go. I'll worry the entire time. He doesn't know how to get there, how to get back, he can't see to drive very well at night because he wears glasses, and something is wrong with the radiator in the car and it needs an oil change before going a long distance like that. We have a baby to save money for. And he's going to take money from his next paycheck to fix everything wrong with his car AND pay for gas to get there and back? I think this is a decision that he can't make by himself. We're married, so the money he's going to be putting out for all of this is OURS, not his.

Grrr.


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Re: He wants to go. I do not. - April 2nd 2009, 04:19 AM

I definitely think you should talk to your husband about this. I wouldn't go, just for the safely of you and your baby. Explain to him what you told us. If he still wants to go, let him go but you stay safe.


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Re: He wants to go. I do not. - April 2nd 2009, 06:58 AM

I think you need to tell him how you're feeling, & he needs to respect you. Your baby is the most important thing in both of your lives right now, & he needs to understand that. It's easy to just send his brother a gift over the mail. Just tell him what you've told us, & he'll have to listen.
Good luck!


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LucyLouWho Offline
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Re: He wants to go. I do not. - April 2nd 2009, 07:05 PM

This can be closed. He said he thought about it last night at work and isn't going. Something about he works with someone from that city and they told him to stay far away from there. But yeah, I was just a little stressed last night. Thank you.


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Re: He wants to go. I do not. - April 2nd 2009, 11:16 PM

I'm glad you aren't feeling so stressed any more.
I'll close this now. If you want to talk, just send me a message
Nat.


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