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Listen Not Talk, Hid, or Lie - April 11th 2012, 03:17 AM

My whole life my family has been hiding things from me they say its for the best but im just not sure. Whenever something was wrong thy wouldnt tell me like when my mom got digonosied with diabetes they hid it from me for almost a month. I always knew my dad smoked but he said he quit when i was about 8 then when i tured 12 i found out he lied to me for almost 4 years. My brother did drugs and got mad at me for telling my parents but I think my dad already knew. And my older brother dont even get me stared on him but hes is almost like a hero to me but sometimes I think is my whole realtionship wiith my family a lie. Also I almost know nothing about my parents when they ere younger I know there some big secret about my moms dad who I have never meet or even know the name of and when ever I ask she just says hes a bad man. But what they secretly dont know Im kinda eves droper and know how to get info so I know allot of things I shouldnt. Then when I have a problem and I just want someone to listen but they wont, they jump down my throat and start saying please your blowing this way out of proportion or start giving my suggestions on how to fix it but they just dont understand all i want them to do is listen listen thats all i ask. Sometimes I just feel so lost and I have some many questions thats why Im so curious about everything. I need advice on how to get my family to listen and finally tell me the truth.
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Re: Listen Not Talk, Hid, or Lie - April 11th 2012, 08:28 PM

They hide things from you because they don't want you to worry or get upset. Your dad is addicted to smoking it's up to him what he does you can't stop him but he can with some kind of help that would help him quit. They can tell you about themselves when they we're young they can't lie about that surely. They just don't want to see you upset that's why they lie. People who do drugs lie to everyone they just keep it to themselves. When bad things happen they lie but when good things happen they tell the truth. If your mum says your grandad is a bad man then he must be a bad man.
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Re: Listen Not Talk, Hid, or Lie - April 14th 2012, 11:35 PM

Sometimes, parents have to make judgment calls on whether or not to be completely honest with their children about some difficult truths. For example, you found out your father lied about the smoking when you were 12, which was 4 years later. Keep in mind that you were only 8 years old at the time... that's a pretty young age for such difficult information! Your parents probably wanted you to be blissfully unaware of the difficult truth, that your father was addicted to a dangerous substance. Yes, they lied, but they lied in order to protect you. You may feel angry about it now, but try to understand where they were coming from and what their intentions were. They may have made the wrong choice, but all they wanted to do was protect you. I think the same can be applied for many of these situations.

At 14 years old, you're still transitioning from the "innocent" childhood years to the "hardened" adult years. This is around the time when parents will stop lying to you about the difficult truths - and one thing you can do is sit down with everyone and explain that you aren't a child who needs to be protected anymore. If there are problems going on with the family, then you want to feel included, which means they can't hide or lie about important things anymore (even if their intentions are good). Make it clear that you understand why they did it, but that ultimately, the truth always comes out and you'll be far more upset if you find out later vs. early on. Keep in mind that people will ALWAYS hide some things from you, even your loved ones, for privacy's sake (ex. if your parents stop having sex or have a major argument, don't expect them to tell you - their child - every little detail, because it's not your place to know some information).

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Re: Listen Not Talk, Hid, or Lie - April 15th 2012, 02:11 PM

if you ask them a lot of question and talk to them honestly, they are probably more likely to open up to you. make them have trust in you by not trusting them, if you don't like an answer, ask it until you get the truth
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