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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
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Location: In my own world in my mind, away from the pain and hurtful eyes

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Join Date: March 4th 2009

Question Nothing goes right anymore.... - April 2nd 2009, 03:46 PM

I've always felt like the outcast. Since christmas I've been feeling really sad, I don't know why. It may be now I'm older I'm being to realise things don't get better if you wish. Dreams don't come true. But no one knows. I can't bring myself to tell. I mean who would really care. Around friends and family I seem normal and happy. My parents were never really the put your arm round me and make me feel better, it will all turn out ok sort of people. They just laughed it off even when I needed support, so I just stopped telling them.

I always try to be good, but I just annoy everyone when I am. If I'm bad they shout at me. So I stay in the background alone. It's not like I don't try to be nice I do. Whatever I say makes my dad or mum annoyed at me.

They prefere my brother, they say they don't but it's obvious they do. Everyone like my brother. He's clever, nice, polite, does whatever he's asked. He took a GCSE 2 years early. I try and support him, but it's so hard, knowing I will never do anything like that, never make anyone that proud. I dosen't help that whenever I go I get told about it, I should support him, help him. I do, but no one cares. I'm worthless compared to him, but no one understands what it's like. (I don't want comments telling me that it's a good acheviment, please)

I help my friends, support them in rough patchs. But again they are not the friends I can open up too. I suppose it more like I'm afraid they will tell. We laugh and joke around, we are not shoulders to cry one. Everyone thinks I'm happy not a care in the world. If only they knew.

So anyway today I came home from school and my dad gets annoyed at me. Ok, I did say something I wish I could take back, I mean everyone has a moment like that. It was my fault. But then he said I was worthless, bottom of the pile, I would never do anything good. I mean this is my dad, he used to be so lovely when I was younger, before we moved. He is supposed to make me feel good, cheer me up after a bad day. I wouldn't have minded if he was cross. But to say I'm worthless... I've always felt like that but to have it said out loud by someone you love hurts. I just feel worthless.

There isn't really a point to this, I just want someone to know. To let it all out, things I've kept secret for years. There is more but thats the most important things. I just want... I don't know anymore. Would anyone miss me? Who wants to be around me? I don't know. I've had to be strong for years now, I just can't do it anyone. I'm useless, worthless, alone......

XxBrokenSmilesxX

(Move if you want to, I didn't know where to put it)


Reach for the moon,

If you fall you'll land among the stars





Last edited by XxBrokenSmilesxX; April 2nd 2009 at 03:51 PM.
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Name: untilted
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Join Date: March 13th 2009

Re: Nothing goes right anymore.... - April 2nd 2009, 04:18 PM

hie,
I understand what you feel.
And everything you said here is exactly what I said in my post today.
I find it really funny,
But it makes me feel good that I'm not alone. ^^
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Name: Nat
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Re: Nothing goes right anymore.... - April 2nd 2009, 10:48 PM

Hi there, BrokenSmiles,

I think there's a point that everyone gets to when they realize that not everything comes true if you wish hard enough. Reality comes into the picture and sort of dampens the thoughts a little, but it doesn't smother them. Wishing can be a good thing, but optimism is better by far. You have the power to do what you want to in your life.

Not everyone is good at academics, and that might be something your parents haven't learned yet, but it is true. You've got your own talents, a great personality, and you're a good person. No one can judge you by something someone else has done. You are you and you've done a lot with your life.

It does sound like you have good friends too. I know they are the ones you like to have fun with and joke around with, and there's nothing wrong with that. Not all friendships are the ones you can talk about personal things with and that's perfectly fine. I find that's why TH is such a great resource for advice. Not all friendships are this open. Just know that you can talk about whatever is bothering you on here, and you'll always have people to listen.

Feel free to message me any time
Stay strong.
Nat.


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The great artists of our time are the ones who created something timeless. But it was never them defining it that way.
Everyone has a story. What's yours?
   
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