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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Cullen Offline
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I have no friends : ( - April 13th 2012, 09:10 PM

Like it says, I have no friends, and it's so lonely and so painful...

Everyone I get close to I either push them away or scare them away. The only person who has stuck with me is my boyfriend, but I know once he finds someone better he will leave me. He doesnt come near me any more. I think we're still really close, but things aren't how they used to be. I love him so much, and it hurts so much to think of life without him...

When I look on facebook I see pictures from all the people I went to school with that don't talk to me anymore, and I don't talk to them. I htink I'm too arrogant to talk to them. It's just so horrible to look through all their pictures when theyre surrounded by firends, doing all the things I'm missing out on, like going on group holidays, going to parties, going shopping together... all these things that I dont have :' (

I just want a friend...

Being close to someone means it'll hurt when you lose them. I don't want to be hurt. I don't want to be close to anyone else that will just leave.

I'm so scared that my boyfriend doesn't want me anymore. He tells me he loves me, and I love him so so much... He is the only real thing I have any more, and I don't want to let him go. I hate thinking about having to go without him. We've been together for 1 and a half years, and have lived together for 8 months. Doesn't seem long, but he is my best and only friend. Since we've been together I've known I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but I'm having all these doubts now because he doesn't seem to want to be close with me any more. I'm scared that if he leaves me I'll have nothing and no-one any more.

I just want someone to tell me that everything will be okay, and that I won't be alone : (


The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows...
Keep The Blood In Your Head, And Keep Your Feet On The Ground.



Nov 29th 2010 <3


Do I Divide And Fall Apart?
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  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I have no friends : ( - April 13th 2012, 10:44 PM

Does your boyfriend know how you feel and what you think? You should tell him. Try and get close to your boyfriend make plans with him if you both work and are not together much then spend times together in the weekend. I really think you should tell your boyfriend about this be honest with him. What's in your head is just doubts your not sure really if he will leave you or not that's what scares you. You both live together why would he not be near you? You can make the effort by talking to them on facebook and see if you and that person who you went to school with can meet up sometime and buy a coffee or lunch together. The only way to get friends is to make an effort on speaking to them not saying it should only be you making the effort because the other person needs to make effort aswell to show that they are interested in making the friendship with you. Talk to the people you know and make
arrangements. Your boyfriend loves you you don't need to worry because everything is fine.
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: I have no friends : ( - April 14th 2012, 05:30 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cullen View Post
I just want someone to tell me that everything will be okay, and that I won't be alone : (
Everything will be okay, and you won't be alone.

Now that I've fulfilled your request, I'd like to point out something I noticed in your post. You began by mentioning that you have no friends. I have no friends either, so I can relate to that. However, you then spoke about being lonely because you push people away and tend to scare people. After this, you mention having a boyfriend and being madly in love but you are constantly worried he will leave you. Perhaps this lonely feeling is beginning to show with him, and you are turning this into a self-fulfilling prophecy? People's moods tend to rub off on one another and being as you mentioned how you and your partner are close, it seems a reasonable guess that you might be contributing to your own fear inadvertantly.

Thankfully, one thing we as human beings have is our ability to control our output, even if it is a fake emotional output. Most emotions are fake anyhow, so it really isn't too hard to use this as a means of aiding your situation. I would suggest attempting to pretend to be happier around your boyfriend and see whether this affects a change in his mood or behavior. Engage him in topics of interest to him. No matter who you meet in life, everyone seems to enjoy talking about themselves. So get him to do that. If you've been distant with him, this will inspire a change right away. Smile when he's in the room. Think of it as a return to your early days of dating and a means of finding the spark which was once there. One and a half years is a long time and it is possible you have lost this connection somewhere along the way. But it is attainable to get it back so you should not worry. If this does work, then you will not have to pretend any longer because his energy will help you to stay positive. Your fake emotion will inspire his emotion which will inspire your emotion. I have done this before myself and have found that it works. If it doesn't, then you have at least ruled out the possibility that an end to your relationship is based on you "pushing him away." And that might help you in moving on and finding someone else. As you put it, you are afraid of getting close to more people because you don't want them to leave you. Allow yourself to realize that you are not condemned to be alone. That is when you will stop being so.

I only offer this advice because you posted here.

I do wish you luck in what happens next, OP.
   
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Re: I have no friends : ( - April 14th 2012, 07:16 AM

You sound just like me!

If your boyfriend didn't want to be with you, he would've left. I'm sure he loves you too or else he would've gone away already.

Have you tried joining some clubs or doing some hobbies, something completely new that you haven't done before? I felt the same as you after I left high school, I fell away from everybody who went to school with me but I've made so many new friends in loads of different places since then and I am so much better for it. If it makes you upset to look at those people on Facebook, then don't look at them. Go out and find yourself some new friends. Be confident and friendly and people will want to be your friend! I guarantee you it'll work.

You can be my friend!


Ever mind the Rule of Three: Three times what thou givest returns to thee: This lesson well, thou must learn: Thee only gets what thou dost earn.
   
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Re: I have no friends : ( - April 14th 2012, 10:33 PM

Quote:
"You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you do not trust enough."
- Frank Crane
That's a fun little quote I like to share with people in your position. =) Yes, by becoming closer to people, you risk being hurt... but by never becoming closer to people, you guarantee a lonely life for yourself.

When you don't talk to people on Facebook or in "real life," they don't talk back to you. When you DO talk to people on Facebook or in "real life," they MAY talk back to you. It's not guaranteed (maybe 10-20% if you're a pessimist), but it's better than 0%. Basically, you get back what you put out, and you gain more with the more you risk. If you keep telling yourself that people won't like you, will be scared away, or will leave you, then guess what? You're going to withdraw from the people in your life, and since they won't be able to connect with you, they'll have no choice but to leave you. It's called a self-fulfilling prophecy, where you think something, act differently, and essentially make your fears come true as a result of your actions toward others.





   
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Cullen Offline
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Re: I have no friends : ( - April 16th 2012, 02:30 AM

Thanks guys, you've really made me feel a bit better. The whole self-fulfilling prophecy struck a bit of a chord with me... Seeing things from that view, I can see what's going wrong. Sequin, I'll try doing that with my boyfriend. I do find myself looking back on when we were first together, and missing how we were back then. I want to be close with him like we were. Thanks again everyone


The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows...
Keep The Blood In Your Head, And Keep Your Feet On The Ground.



Nov 29th 2010 <3


Do I Divide And Fall Apart?
My Bright's Too Slight To Hold Back All My Dark.
  Send a message via MSN to Cullen  
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