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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
littlejoker Offline
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Name: Becky
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Unhappy He hates me... - April 14th 2012, 04:17 PM

I took on the advice people gave me and told my foster parents this morning about my brother and within an hour he was removed from the household, all he kept doing was shouting and he says he will never forgive me and that he hopes i rot in hell, the last words he told me was for me to go kill myself.

The only family who actually ever cared about me, now hates me because I told people about the needles and him getting high. I feel alone and don't know what to do.

My brother hates me and I've been getting texts from his girlfriend saying shes gonna get me for sending away her love or some shit and that I'm a waste of space ect. I don't know how she has found out but everyones blaming me. My foster parents are saying I should of told them sooner because they could of sorted it faster and we might not of had to get split up and then I'm getting texts off his friends (who told him they wanted nothing to do with him MONTHS ago) saying I'm a bitch for handing him in and shit like that and that I should be here for him.

I'm so fucking annoyed I just wanted to do the best for my brother, I was the bad guy when I didn't tell no one about it and I'm still the bad guy now that I have told people.

Why am I always in the wrong?

I'm so angry!!!!
   
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
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Re: He hates me... - April 14th 2012, 04:44 PM

I'm really sorry tis happened, but something needed to be done. Life isn't going to get better in like two seconds. It will take time. Ignore what his friends say. You are worth it. Don't let go. He only said that stuff because he is mad. I'm pretty sure he didn't mean it. It might have sounded like it, but a lot of people are like that. In fact every person that I know has said stupid stuff like that. Including me. You will meet people in the future. Help can turn around and stab us in the back, you are not wrong all of the time. You took advice. You were scared. That's not your fault. I really do hope things will turn around. Please hang in there. Talk to me if you really need to. I'm so sorry help didn't turn out the way you planned. Life takes down unknown paths. I know your heart hurts right now, but physically you are safe.


~I was always scared of everything, even the carousel.~

~Don't worry about me. I'm sort of feeling fine, but by tomorrow, I'll be back on my feet again.~

-Goodnight Tonight
   
  (#3 (permalink)) Old
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Re: He hates me... - April 14th 2012, 04:58 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by littlejoker View Post
My foster parents are saying I should of told them sooner because they could of sorted it faster (
^this is correct! Their reaction is the only correct one, too...

Becky, your brother was shooting dope into his veins, he was being aggressive and threatening to you, you had no choice. By telling, you saved his life, and perhaps your own, too. The fact that he and his g/f don't see it that way is besides the point...it actually shows how crazy they both are.

You absolutely positively did the right thing, bravo.


PM me with the link of the post you'd like me to respond to.
   
  (#4 (permalink)) Old
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Re: He hates me... - April 14th 2012, 06:13 PM

Hey Becky,

I know I wasn't one of the people to respond to your other threads, but hopefully it's okay if I give you some advice anyways. I'm really sorry to hear what has happened. I can't imagine how difficult it must be for you, but I hope you know that you absolutely did the right thing. I don't think that there is any easy way to help someone who is dealing with a drug problem. Confronting them makes them angry, and trying to get them help makes them even angrier. Chances are your brother doesn't see this as you helping him. He sees it as you taking him away from his drugs, and it's definitely a hard thing to be taken away from something you are addicted to.

Most of the time people who have any kind of addiction do not want help. They don't see that the way they are acting affects other people, and therefore don't understand the importance of getting help. By letting someone know what's going on with him, you have helped him. He might not realize that, but once he gets this help he may be extremely thankful for what you've done for him. You did the right thing, but unfortunately the right thing isn't always the easy thing.

Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk. You are a strong person for going through this, and doing what you did. Don't forget that.





A lonely soul in a land of broken hearts


   
  (#5 (permalink)) Old
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Re: He hates me... - April 14th 2012, 07:16 PM

Yeah, I have had run ins with peoples substance abuse problems before. They tend to get really angry when you confront them and especially if you try to make them change. However, if he starts getting clean, he won't be so angry any more.
I do agree with your parents. If you'd told them sooner, maybe it wouldn't have been so bad. But the fact you told them at all was important, you did the right thing.
Don't give up and don't take those people trashing you over it the wrong way, they have no place picking you out for just trying to get him the help he deserves.
   
  (#6 (permalink)) Old
littlejoker Offline
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Re: He hates me... - April 14th 2012, 08:08 PM

When I first told my foster parents they thought I was lying, we don't exactly get on very well, mostly because I don't like to interact with people and I don't want to get attached to them when I may have to leave in several weeks time. They seem more calm now, but they are already cleaning out his room, there putting most of his stuff in storage and only packing stuff into bags like clothes, tooth paste and tooth brush. The drugs they found in his bedroom is cocaine, canabis, and possibly heroin. They also found a knife and some money, they didn't tell me how much but by how they said it, it sounds like it was a lot and was to much to be from just doing his saturday job.
   
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Re: He hates me... - April 14th 2012, 09:32 PM

Secrets with come out once things are being sorted right now. It is a process. You never know something good might come out of all of this while it is still going on. I'm really sorry! Times are tough. I really do hope things get better for you.


~I was always scared of everything, even the carousel.~

~Don't worry about me. I'm sort of feeling fine, but by tomorrow, I'll be back on my feet again.~

-Goodnight Tonight
   
  (#8 (permalink)) Old
Sequin Offline
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Re: He hates me... - April 14th 2012, 10:24 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by littlejoker View Post
I'm so fucking annoyed I just wanted to do the best for my brother, I was the bad guy when I didn't tell no one about it and I'm still the bad guy now that I have told people.

Why am I always in the wrong?

I'm so angry!!!!
I wanted to make sure you understood something, OP. Just because people blame you for things out of your control, it does not make you the "bad guy." The bad guy does things to the detriment of others. You did something to save the life of another. The saying, "No good deed goes unpunished" is derived because sometimes doing the right thing equals being unpopular (or sometimes even hated). The good news for you is that had you not intervened you would have grown to regret that decision much worse had something happened due to inaction.

Time does heal wounds, also, and this saying has a lot of truth behind it as well. Let the emotions run their course because they have built up to this stage and must be released. Stronger emotions are created when the mind is at its most unreasonable state. However, strong emotions also subside as time passes. The last chapter has yet to be written, and it might end with your brother thanking you for what you have done. Even if he only lives one sober day because of this action, it will be one day he did not have access to before. His mood will only change, of course, after the mind has run its unreasonable emotional course. That requires time.

I quoted you above because I wanted to point out a few things:

1) You wanted to do the best thing for your brother and you actually did.
2) You are not the bad guy, as I mentioned above.
3) You were not in the wrong.

All of those points feel untrue right now because you, also, are experiencing emotional rage over what has transpired. Give it time and you will find yourself very glad you did what you did. It took bravery and love to accomplish this, and there are much more people in the world who lack both than have either. And no matter what happens, whether things get worse or better, you acted as the "good guy" in this particular instance.

I only offer this because you asked the question.

Good luck in what happens next.
   
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