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  (#1 (permalink)) Old
Amorphous. Offline
Experienced TeenHelper
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Name: Hamed Khatiz
Age: 25
Gender: Male
Location: Sydney.

Posts: 555
Blog Entries: 2
Join Date: April 14th 2012

Question Respect - April 15th 2012, 11:43 AM

Hey, guys, whassup, name's Hamed. I am a new member here, I joined yesterday and this is my second post. Yay me! . I want to speak about respect and the earning and re-eanring of the respect you get from your colleagues from school.

As it says on the About Me section on my profile, I came here after a six month term with the organisation MedHelp.org. Awesome organisation, well designed website and this is one of the questions I asked there where no one could give me a helpful answer.

Sometimes I feel, especially recently, that the respect from people at my school just isn't there sometimes and I also don't know where to start re-earning that. I shall give you an example.

I go on Facebook and I have all my mates and colleagues and cousins there and someone (who has no respect for me in real life BTW) said as a status.

"If there is something you don't like about someone, then say it to their face or don't say it at all."

Fair enough, but I commented: "That said, from personal experience, some things are better left completely unsaid whether in the face or the other way."

The next commenter wrote "^dr phil" (referring to me as sounding like popular psychologist Doctor Phil.) Two people liked including the girl who wrote it.

The next commenter then said "personal experience can **** my left ***". No one liked but you get the idea. And remember these are all people from the school, so the respect isn't there.

Example Number Two, I came into Mathematics Class one day and the guy a few seats away from me was talking about his attendance to Hospitality Class.

He was talking about how he was jigging class and not even trying (voluntarily BTW) because he hated his teacher. He called her a fat ***** whom he wanted to punch in the face every session. That attitude is offensive to me and my fellow students who try and work hard at the school sometimes with no dividends and so I said to him:

"Mate, there are no excuses for not pulling your weight in classes, no matter who your teacher is. There is a chance of success, no matter how good the teacher is. I could be teaching your class for all it matters, but **** mate, quit blaming your teacher for laziness! NO EXCUSES!!!"

He just said "shut up Hamed" and I just though, well **** you then. But as you can see, THE RESPECT JUST ISN'T THERE. Respect for what I have to say and respect for how hard people work there.

Everyone on MH called me a busybody, saying I was in the wrong, but that attitude is disrespectful to me, the teacher and my colleagues around me and it ***** me off, I'm allowed to say "no excuses" to people who just don't get it.

Example number three, I was walking into Business Class one day and I was just there with my two colleagues up the back and I was conversing with them and talking about just subject selections and HSC and I though I was talking to the two guys up the back and then one of them said "who are you talking to?"

I'm probably babbling on but the bottom line is, people find it harder to take me seriously than they originally did and that really *****. How do you get people to respect you and at least take what you say seriously?


Last edited by PSY; April 17th 2012 at 03:28 AM. Reason: Moved thread to the "Friends and Family" forum.
  (#2 (permalink)) Old
I've been here a while
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Name: Mitch
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Location: Melbourne, Australia

Posts: 1,393
Blog Entries: 32
Join Date: February 3rd 2009

Re: Respect - April 15th 2012, 12:24 PM

Welcome Hamed, nice to meet you.

I've also been around MedHelp.org everyone now and then, but I haven't been on in a while. I usually come here, anyway. You'll probably find respect here (there's always exceptions to that rule).

Of course you're finding respect to be pretty absent in modern society. You seem to be expecting too much of your peers. Let me put it this way: you're not the only one in the world that seems to think that people should respect one another simply because they are other people. In fact, I'm sure the majority of the world thinks that. They respect each other just enough to be respected. However, this does not mean to say that social norms require someone to respect one as much as they expect respect, though I'm sure it's pretty much accepted world-wide that you get what you give (so to speak). This, in my opinion, is where you seem to put the world on a peak's summit, and demand respect. This is not entirely what is meant by "get what you give".

Let me put it another way: you state this to your colleague:

"Mate, there are no excuses for not pulling your weight in classes, no matter who your teacher is. There is a chance of success, no matter how good the teacher is. I could be teaching your class for all it matters, but **** mate, quit blaming your teacher for laziness! NO EXCUSES!!!"

And what do you expect in return? "Thanks mate, I now know why I am going to fail at life"? To be honest, I don't think it quite works that way. You gave this kid no respect (despite him not deserving any) and you demand that he respects you? Not only that, it works the same for teachers. If teachers commit themselves to the class, if they respect their students and only ask for the same respect in return, the teachers would probably get respect. However, it's not known whether this student was given respect by this teacher. If he was respected by this teacher, then he probably would've respected the teacher. Not many students lash out simply because they can.

You have to remember that not everything swings one way. It's always a two-way street. It's a mutual thing. One can't disrespect someone and expect to be respected. It just doesn't work.

I have to say, however, it's noble what you're trying to do, and I understand what you're saying. Time and time again I see people with very little respect for society, for property, even for themselves, and it's quite disgusting. People seem to think that society does not respect them, which is probably what promotes this kind of behaviour. Maybe life has no respected them, so they don't respect life. Something along those lines. I am not trying to shoot you down here, but merely trying to get to the root of an inherent problem in society. I am on your side. I see very little respect in society.

As for getting people to take what you say seriously, there's a few ways (and I've learned this throughout numerous moots and arguments in law school, as well as some parts in the work force):
1. Build a rapport. Be nice, be respectful, do what you have to.
2. Be superior. Look, I'm not trying to say that you should demand superiority here; I'm not trying to tell you to become someone better than others; I am simply trying to say that if you are better than someone with respect to something, then you're going to build that respect simply because you're naturally better. The quality obviously has to be something that people look up to, of course. For instance, a famous footballer is often respected because he is a good footballer - in this manner, he's superior.
3. Be on the same level as another. If you're similar to someone, and you have similar interests and whatever else, they will respect you. For instance, friends usually respect one another because they're all on the same level.
4. Be efficient and clear (especially in the work force - productivity is respected and appreciated).
5. Respect the person you want respect from. This is the most essential part of this whole thing. In the famous footballer example given, he probably wouldn't be respected if he was also not respectful. Even though he exhibits qualities that are obviously worth respecting, if he is a total douchebag, he's probably not going to get much respect. This is also the same with a judge. If you respect a judge in court, he may respect you. This is where formalities of a court come into play - and if you don't abide by those formalities, a judge is really not going to respect you for it. Respecting those formalities is key in any court.
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  (#3 (permalink)) Old
Dervisher Offline
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Age: 27
Gender: Male

Posts: 294
Join Date: February 18th 2009

Re: Respect - April 15th 2012, 12:55 PM

This is in my opinion, and it's based on my experiences.

What happens early in our childhood is the most effective and useful ways of productivity are torn from us. If you look at some TED vids they show evidence that people who execute what children do naturally in their workplace excel at what they do. I'd give examples but that's a whole different story.

as children we learn to not care. When I say not care I mean not care about what we do (contrary to popular belief. What do you wanna be when you grow up doesn't make up for all of the fucking brainwashing any education system has)
So then as teenagers (in our rebellious nature) we show not caring as literally not caring about others. You're experiencing basically people not giving a shit. You care more about the person not trying in life than he does at the moment.

When you see people act stupid and such, as long as it doesn't affect anyone except themselves, keep out of their business. They probably know they're being stupid, they just really don't care at this point in their life. While what you're attempting to do is honorable, you're years ahead of most of the people your age.

Most people think turning 19 or 20 or 21 (whatever the age may be) makes you an adult. Well it doesn't.
Being an adult is being responsible for your actions and how it affects those around you. Turning problems into productive solutions etc.
Teenagers simply abandon everything because they are at this point in life (which is forced upon by society) that they have absolutely nothing. They've been torn everything they used to consider real and now they're being forced into the 'adult world' without anything to back them up.

It seems you've luckily either avoided this issue naturally or grown up much sooner due to elements around you etc.

There are so many factors that affect us it's not really worth mentioning, but ultimately:
expecting respect from a teenager is the equivalent of (yes this is a stereotype) women expecting guys to read their mind.

There are always exceptions (like you, for example) in the respect department but most teens get shocked into having to learn respect the hard way (through needing a job, etc)

Now you think: "Well where am I going wrong here?" it's basically unless someone asks you to give input, you're really being the thorn on their depressed side of not caring. So ultimately it's better off to just leave them be unless their disrespect is towards another.

I've spent a very long time putting up with people not remembering things, not respecting, not caring, so i'm sort of presuming you can ignore people (especially teenagers) not respecting you (or respecting in general)

It also has to do with your status. Teachers will almost always get more respect because they have this power. If you don't respect the teacher you eventually get sent down to the office and, if enough times, expelled. This is yet another thing that the education system fails to understand how to teach (what else is new) so really we're just in this puddle of shit that people call schooling and careers and jobs.

Your job is to help yourself, prevent others from harming others (i.e. bullying, etc) not to save the other person but make yourself look like a much more likeable figure. So really all you can do at this point is just sit back and know you're going in the right direction. If someone disrespects you continually you can approach some sort of verbal harassment or whatever but really that's your choice.
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