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Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.

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lemonybread Offline
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Exclamation Mother-severe arguments - April 17th 2012, 07:21 PM

well to tell you my whole story and that of my family would take ubelievable time... Suffice it to say i'm a 16 yrs old male teen and the arguments i have with my 56 year old mother are growing more and more severe. my family has never been what you would call normal. it's been conflict to conflict beetwen my parents turning sometimes into violent, physical ones. My father was (well ''is'') an alcoholic which is by itself a problem.. Not a day passed in my youth when an argument was absent.. For my 7th birthday i even got a special gift... The police at our door. Currently the family is broken up.. They sepparated, my brother and sister got into an argument with my mother actually moving to a nother place (my brother cutting all contact with her (all happened in a 2week time period) leaving me alone with my mother in a small flat. To my main point... The arguments are pointles but lead to unbelieavable points: treatening to kick me out, beat me (which she does ... It's not a problem per say i mean it's not like it hurts), turning off my computer (which is actually a big part of my life since im studiying to become a media technician), refusing to pay for my transportation to school, forbbiding me to eat (by using the logic if u don't buy it you don't eat it; to be fair that happened once):......... To talk to her would be pointles, shw would take it as an attack and explode. Any advice would be welcomed.
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Dr.Bobby Offline
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Re: Mother-severe arguments - April 17th 2012, 08:30 PM

At the expense of oversimplifying what sounds like a very complex and difficult situation, I'd say it's a great idea to just avoid the conflict and the fights altogether.

You've figured out your family is really dysfunctional and that they're not going to change, and you realize they cannot/will not listen. So, what's the point in arguing?

People get into arguments for two main reasons: The first is incredible frustration and an inability to cope with or otherwise manage that. The other, is the need to have the other person change something about themselves, regardless of that person's ability or willingness to do so. Both are understandable reasons, yet at least in your case, both don't seem to be at all effective at getting you what you want.

Solution? Use your awareness here, realize that you're not going to change things and that you should develop ways of coping with it better...


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