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girlfromsocal Offline
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How do most deal with posthumous birth? - April 17th 2012, 08:46 PM

I am the product of posthumous birth almost 5 months before I was born... I don't know why but I've never felt his absence for this. And like I think he'd have been nice to meet despite what I was told. My mom always says he wouldn't have been involved yet that he wanted kids... He was a lot of things yet I don't feel abandoned or a loss. I actually love him more than mom well that's another subject. Idk. It's like don't people become different people when they have kids so there's nothing to really assume... A big question mark really. I don't know I don't grieve him. I never will. He was never in my life. I don't miss the life he had because I never met him. I only knew of him in death. I don't know my main question is posthumous birth and being the product of that different from most fatherless children? Like I never felt I needed adad. That he was good enough in death. I felt as though he loved me from afar there was no need to replace that. I actually dreaded the day that never came gladly... That my mom marry a man and try to pass him off as a 'dad'. NO ONE would ever replace him and never can. I've always been staunch and protective over that. NO ONE will ever be dad. Because I already have one. I don't like being assumed that I don't have one just because he's dead. I like the way my family structure was in that I never had to try to accept anyone else. Also the other issues I noticed were more family inflicted. My mom's family said I'd be searching for a father figure and that it would bring a lot of negative struggles hurt then. But now it kind of makes me feel proud I'm not a statistic. I wonder though why... Maybe is it because he's not alive and just not around... That I feel he loved me even in death? I don't know is that normal in death I mean particularly posthumous birth where you never meet your father to never feel he was missing? I mean because in my reality I always never felt he left on purpose someone murdered him. He couldn't be at fault. And like living people can love and hate. Can't it be the same with the dead? I don't know people act like that's not normal... But it's how he's always been to me the role he took in my life.

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girlfromsocal Offline
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Re: How do most deal with posthumous birth? - April 26th 2012, 11:07 AM

anyone here?
   
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Re: How do most deal with posthumous birth? - April 26th 2012, 07:01 PM

Hey there! I'm sorry you didn't receive a reply to this sooner (I think people might not know how to respond, since most people on TeenHelp do not have a posthumous birth). In response to that question: there's nothing strange about what you're thinking or feeling toward your father. In all honesty, I've never encountered someone who was born after their father died (or whose mother died shortly after giving birth to them), so I don't have a frame of reference for this situation. What I will say, though, is that I think everyone is entitled to their feelings - and who has the right to say that what you're feeling is "strange" or "abnormal"? You may not have known your father, but you know OF your father. You know a bit about his character, and you have an idea of what he was like. You can certainly love that idea, just as someone could love the idea of having a better parent, or a step-parent, or a "nuclear" family. As long as these feelings don't negatively affect your life as a whole (ex. you get so caught up on your father that you neglect relationships with other people), then I think you're in the clear. =) I'm sorry, I'm not sure if that's what you were looking for... but feel free to clarify!






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